Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Codependency to Borderline
March 17, 2005
10:00 pm
Avatar
Beth_v2005
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My therapist has just helped me realize that i am codependent to my borderline personality disorder husband. I am also in the middle of us getting divorced, it has been going on for over a year.

I really would like someone's advice that is in the same or similar situation. I have such a hard time telling when something is his problem or mine. I am so confused most of the time and so miserable.

If there is someone here that would talk to me about it I would be very grateful.

March 17, 2005
10:28 pm
Avatar
trying2getwell
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have the same thing going on as you. I'm co-dependent, he's an alcoholic, who's also bi-polar. We're in the midst of splitting up after 10 years. It's the same with us, never knowing who's problem is causing the arguements. Confuses the heck out of me, too. Right now I'm just trying to fix me. Maybe that would be a good place for you to start. I don't think either one of us is entirely to blame.

March 18, 2005
7:39 am
Avatar
Mordrin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Have we considered that it doesn't matter who's problem it is, but the fact that we are miserable?

I would think that after all attempts have been exhausted to make the relationship work and we are still unhappy and unforfilled, it may be time to face reality and hang it up.
Persons very close to me also have disorders and choose to self medicate in an attempt to feel better. Unfortunately, all they do is continue to make things worse by adding an addiction.

I have always believed that if I cannot be part of the solution, then I cannot allow myself to be part of the problem and just move on with my life.

March 18, 2005
9:14 am
Avatar
CODA_Mom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Beth,

I am not in the same situation as you, though I have counseled with borderline clients. If you are codependent with one, I could imagine that most of the time you would feel like a "yo-yo" with all of the drama, uncertainty, stress and upheaval. You are not crazy, you are in a very difficult situation that makes you feel crazy.

Without trying to figure out whose problems belong to whom, I would suggest first trying to set your own boundaries. Where does his life/responsibilties end and yours begin? Because you are in the process of a divorce, start thinking in terms of how you are going to take care of yourself without him.

Keep going to counseling for the support and to learn how to let go. I know that codas have a hard time accepting help, but you need all of the support you can get that is offered during this time (unless it is a another guy trying to take advantage of your vulnerability).

Keep posting, it does help to talk about things and get them out in the open so they don't weigh us down.

Blessings,
CM

March 18, 2005
12:25 pm
Avatar
Beth_v2005
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank all of you for you input. It really helps to have this group to talk to, it made my day to read your responses. It is so hard to hide the craziness of my world around the "normal" people in my life and to protect my kids from it.

Trying2 - you are so right, working on myself is what I should focus on. I am finding Coda meetings to go to locally and picked up some good books to read.

Mordrin - agreed, I am doing things to end the relationship, I have given up on fixing it because he will not help himself and I know I cant do it alone.

CodaMom - Yes, I need to set boundaries, something I have not done. And he is good at pushing buttons and I let myself get sucked into it. Posting here really helps to make me not feel crazy, some days I just have to repeat that as a mantra - "I am not crazy, It is not all me, I am not crazy, I just need to work on myself".

I think that seeing the therapist, going to Coda meetings, and reading are good helps for me plus posting here. Any other suggestions or book recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks everyone for being soothing voices in my painful world. I often feel very scared and alone and this helps.

Beth

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
52
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110931
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714215
Newest Members:
genericsmartdrugs, 才艺, stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer