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Codependency Relapse HELP!
January 13, 2002
9:02 pm
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SuzyQ
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Ok, I called a close friend earlier today about my excitement in joining a new health club. She was crying and said she had no transportation to her court hearing (she's had some legal problems) on Tues. She said she read the train schedule wrong and it's not in the city, but in another urban city where for whatever reason, public transportation is not as great. She said she would try to get a ride from her atty. She then called and said she really needs me to drive her. I'm going to ask my boss for the time off tomorrow, but feel guilty about everything! I feel guilty about not having taken the time off to help out earlier, but when she asked last spring, I thought I might have another job by this time and couldn't guarantee any time off. Granted, I love my job and the boss is great. I'm sure I'll get the time off. I just also feel guilty about taking it. I have felt bad after talking with this friend b/c she has said negative things about me giving in to other friends. I totally reminded her this time, that I would hope that someone else would do the same things for me, but would never expect it.
What totally sucks is that I get paid on the day I'm supposed to take her. I have been majorly counting on this check since the 1st of the year! Well, I guess there's a reason for everything! Sorry for rambling and taking up your time, I'm just one frustrated brat! Believe me I am appreciative of all that I have, family/friends/a job/a home/a car/new health club 🙂 I know, life isn't as bad and I'm just whinin' sorry!

January 13, 2002
11:24 pm
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syqg
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You didn't say so, but I bet she's needed alot in the past from you. I don't know the whole story. I go through those things constantly with my mother. I have broke away from alot of it though. Slowly. You will come to find that even without your help people WILL manage one way or another. I know for people like me and you it doesn't seem like it,but trust me I'm seeing it with my own eyes. If it's not too late, and it's something you'd prefer not doing, then change your mind because you better start realizing that YOU are only human too! I bet your like me, make excuses for everyone else not being there for you yet never giving yourself reasons to back off alittle. Do what's best for all,and that just might be not doing it.

January 14, 2002
12:55 pm
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Molly
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Sygg is right, if you feel bad like this when you say yes, there is something wrong with this picture. She will manage. She will find another way, you don't need to put your self out like this, just say no, you will be ok with it in the long run.

January 16, 2002
12:15 am
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SuzyQ
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Hi Syqg, Molly and Blondie,
Thank you so much for responding! I generally respond or just read posts rather than write myself.
Well, I ended up taking my friend to the hearing today after being honest with the boss and her giving me the time off. A part of me thinks that I was doing what "friends" should do and another part of me was thinking I was being "codependent". My friend took me out for supper and filled my gas tank. She didn't insult anything about me personally or my car which is good.
Blondie,
FYI-her conviction was a DUI and she had 2 w/in 10yrs which made it more difficult. She's been through several thousands of $'s of atty and hearing fees. This may be the end of it, hopefully. I am hopeful, because I would want others to feel the same for me, NOT b/c I'm codependent. I don't expect that from others anyway.
Thanks everyone for your support!
~SuzyQ

January 16, 2002
12:18 am
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SuzyQ
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Syqg,
BTW, yes she's needed a lot in the past from me as well as my own mother and family members. Not to mention other friends I have had along the way.

January 16, 2002
10:18 pm
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SuzyQ
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Hi Blondie,
Yes, my philosophy is also what comes around usually goes around too. I just try to put myself in the other person's shoes and think how I would like to be treated if I were them. I wouldn't expect anyone to do it for me. She got the DUI 5yrs. ago and is at the tail end of everything. Thousands of $ of court fees and counseling and everything. She is not an alcoholic, but did abuse alcohol and obviously made some poor choices. We're all only human. Thanks for responding and I'm glad you're a member of MADD.
~Suzy Q 🙂

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