Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
Codependency Recovery: Needing Guidance.
November 11, 2003
8:26 pm
Avatar
chance888
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am 25, a gay white male, i recently discovered that i am codependent, grew up in a home that moved around a lot when i was a kid so i never had any childhood friendships, my family seems really codependent on each other, and all my sibs have codependent spouses, my siblings are all drug users and i'm doing what i can to be healthy, the last guy i was seeing i really really liked him, but he just stopped talking to me, b/c i would get really pissed off when he wouldn't let me be controlling b/c he realized i was codependent, i'm afraid to be in another relationship and need advice, i'm thinking about leaving the country for a while and starting over, is this healthy?

November 11, 2003
8:40 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Chance. Welcome. For now, since you are recently awakening to new thoughts and ideas, just let the information soak in, no need to worry about taking action to "fix" yourself or "recover" immediately. Recovery sounds so darn severe, like recovering from a terminal illness. This is much more wonderful, it's the start of a lifelong journey to get to know yourself and build relationships with those who you carefully select to call your friends.

One of the hardest things to do is to learn to just "be" for a while, and not worry about moving in a particular direction, just sensing yourself, getting to know yourself before deciding where you want to go.

How do you think that leaving the country would help you to "start over"? You mention that you moved around a lot as a kid... and that you weren't able to have friends as a result, or put down any roots to stabilize yourself. Do you think it's possible that by leaving the country to start fresh, you might be again denying yourself the chance to deepen bonds with others who are near you now? It doesn't have to be romantic in nature, especially since you said you have some misgivings about it. You sound far too kind not to have friends who care about you, if you give them the chance to get to know you.

I find that in telling others about myself, I learn a lot about myself that I might not have really been that aware of. Maybe start by telling us a little about you, what you like to do, what makes you happy, what inspires you, what would you do to change the world if you could...

November 12, 2003
2:02 pm
Avatar
LindyLouWho
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WOW, you struck home with your moving around thing. My entire life was spent doing that, and my family became extremely co-dependent on each other. I as well am new to finally realizing what the problem is.

I don't think moving again would be so helpful. It would kinda be like falling back into that pattern you were use to. For me, if this helps at all, I am staying put for once. Going to take a look at myself and what I want before I make any decisions.

I think being informed more about yourself will help you make a healthier decision in the long run. You have my prays and support all the way. Nice to see someone with a slightly similar problem:)

Hang in there,

Lindy

November 16, 2003
12:00 am
Avatar
chance888
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

my family is always trying to control me in really subtle ways, i just feel like the energy exchanges are really unhealthy so i've done what i can to re-establish boundaries and mostly just had to cut them off for a while, avoid them as much as possible to protect myself...that's one reason i wanted to leave the country, i am also discovering a lot of the friends that i chose a long time ago, are actually really toxic people who talk about themselves all the time, really selfish people who have no sensitivity to my life,its sickening, i think i chose these people as friends mostly b/c i think my family has no sensitivity to me and have never supported my interests or paid much attention to helping me cultivate myself, i'm just now waking up, and its horrifying to discover this trap that i find myself in...i know what i want out of life, but i'm really afraid to get attached to anyone or to share personal info with anyone and insecure to leave the only thing that i know which is my family, but feel that i need to leave to form healthier relationships...

November 16, 2003
12:09 am
Avatar
chance888
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Things that inspire me are rumi poetry, especially rumi love poems, art, holistic living, most forms of self expression, most artistic endeavors,i also love to cook, no one really knows any of that about me... my family and friends get me stupid stuff for birthdays and christmas, they have no clue who i am... i ended up doing computer programming b/c i'm smart enough and it pays well, but it doesn't inspire me at all...just the money...lol and if i could change the world i would probably make it a custom for children to have the right to pick they're own names when they turn 10 or older... 😉

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
48 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 108556

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38531

Posts: 714172

Newest Members:

Torrent_Hit, Irrigationdql, Vortexfia, olalaprofi, brianzi18, WilliamGoldPek

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer