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Codependency, Love Addiction or Both??
August 21, 2005
7:26 pm
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geminismiles
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I've been reading and trying to come to a closer understanding of codependency and love addiction. Do these two go hand in hand more often than not? Is it possible to be one without the other and how do you REALLY know? If any of you can shed some light to help me put these two into perspective, I would be most grateful! I need all the help I can get these days. Trying to stay positive and proactive...this has been one wild ride and one jagged pill to swallow! Thanks...gem.

August 22, 2005
3:22 pm
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kathygy
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The way I look at it is that being a love addict is codependent. Not all codependents are love addicts. Some avoid relationships for codependent reasons.

love,
kathy

August 22, 2005
5:22 pm
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Taloo
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For Gem

well for me they go hand in hand - my partner definately completes me right now! shame she's married! Its love for me, I'm addicted to the love I have, whom I love so much that i'm an addict! throw into the pot the reciprication from the one you love and a you have a perfect codependent relationship, which is as happy as it is sad!!
Confused?
I always have been!

T

August 22, 2005
7:02 pm
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geminismiles
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Thanks kathy & T. That's a good way of looking at it. I once read that, "A person is addicted to a relationship if being in that relationship has a clear negative effect on his/her life and he/she continues in the relationship regardless of the effects." This to me is confusing because I've had relationships that I knew were unhealthy but I just didn't want to let go. It wasn't that I was in love with the idea of being in love or that I wasn't complete if I wasn't in a relationship, I just didn't want to let go beacause I was feeding myself with the false hope that..."if we could just get through this one rough part together, our relationship will be so much stonger." I kept telling myself this..we didn't get stronger...we fell apart. Each hill we climed and got over, there was an ever bigger hill to conquer, and an ever bigger hill after that....

August 23, 2005
2:48 pm
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Taloo
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Gem : That quote you mention rings alarm bells with me, It's so true! But like you have said its so so hard to let go, I can't do it - even though its having a bad effect on me.
When you say after one hurdle there's another even bigger waiting it scares me, I think i'm in denial you know, "surely it won't happen to me"
The part of me thats still logical and sane tells me it will.

T

August 23, 2005
3:53 pm
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geminismiles
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Murphy's law I guess. LOL! If you don't think it'll happen to you, chances are it will! Ugh! Hard to say, my EX and I just ended up rensenting eachother after awhile. We held on too tight, threw our hands up in the air during certain parts, screamed, laughed, cried...and when the roller coaster stopped. It just stopped. We got off, staggerd in separate directions and realized we were both sick. good anaology - eh? I think we expected that after each stomach churning corner, we would just become more of a "team" because after all - we were chosing to be on this ride together...

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