Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
codependence/self esteem fighting to come to the light
June 28, 2006
10:09 am
Avatar
awakening
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello, I am new here. This seems to be a very supportive place.

Several months ago I went into therapy for depression and went on meds for it. I feel like I have had these issues all my life, they just periodically get worse. Since having my son, I feel like I don't know me anymore and am not sure how to find her again. I have no friends other than over the computer (it provides me protection from overt reaction since I am not face to face with anyone) and one friend who I have had for years but we never open up about this stuff because we always have children around and don't have available babysitters.
I thought I was getting better. I have been happier and haven't been letting opinions of other people affect me like I used to. Starting to be able to blow off those I don't care about. But last night I came to the realization that I still have not reached out. I have never felt like anything really ever fufills me. I love my husband, he is my rock. He is so stable and has no hidden agenda, everything is right there. But I find I have trouble talking to him about this stuff cause he just doesn't understand, he hasn't been there. I am so lonely. The people at work aren't worth bothering with. My husband works late, and I get home early, and the only regular contact I have with real people is my babysitter (who is ok, but not someone that I would really want to be close friends with) and my son, who is only 2. I realize that in order to make friends I am going to have to step out of my comfort zone, but I am so scared to do so. I feel guilty anytime I try to do anything for myself. And it is such a pain, I have to make all these arrangements in order to have time to myself, and then I feel guilty for taking up their time and I am never really able to enjoy myself.

I grew up in a large family where I was the oldest and always had to be the responsible one. My family, while loving, was less that perfect. My parents didn't talk for years and were never good at communicating in the first place and probably should have divorced long ago. They almost did this past summer and now they are getting back together. But I was always made to feel not good enough, like it wasn't ok just to do what I could.

Every day is a montonous chore. I wake up super early, work, pick up my son, run errands or go home, make dinner and take care of my son, put him to bed and then I play a computer game where I have made many friends. I love to do it and it is the only hobby I really enjoy, but it seems like in everything I do I try to serve others. I am a member of a guild (group) that is disbanding....I was a part of the leadership and the reason I enjoyed it so much was largely because of this social aspect and doing things for those I had come to care about. My job is a support role as well.

I want to have fun, do things for myself, I just feel like I can't take that first step. I am so nervous and scared. 30 years of living this way ..you don't get over it easily. In the past I had friends cause I was in situations where it was easy to make them, in school mostly. Now I really have no peers and the people aren't right in front of me.

Anyone here feel similar to me or know where I am coming from? I know there are people out there it just seems like I don't know any of them. I just feel very alone in dealing with my issues. Thanks for listening.

June 28, 2006
10:25 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Awakening,
I can understand where you are coming from.Everyday being a "monotonous chore"..I am raising 2 girls,ages 10 & 6,and the only adult contact I have is with TV characters half the time.I have very few people I have a friendship with,and even then,they are all related in some way to me or my husband.I too am the oldest child of my parents and I am forever being harped on about how I could be so much more,and they have always expressed to everyone who'd listen to them about "our daughter who could have been a doctor,who instead became a housewife".My mother is especially awful about trying to loosen the leash so to speak...about me trying to get some kind of independence from her.I too feel guilty for trying to do anything for myself...and wish I knew why.Fortunately,you have one positive thing going for you that I do not...a stable,nurturing husband.My husband is neither of those qualities.Maybe you could build on that,and have a kind of "friendship" with him,as well as be his wife.Maybe things will kinda fall into place after that.I am not sure...but I do know where you're coming from on the other things,just in a slightly different way.Thanks for hearing me out,and I will do the same for you if you'd like---P.O'd

June 28, 2006
11:49 am
Avatar
awakening
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I do feel that I have a good friendship with my husband, it is just these mental issues I have that I have a hard time talking to him about. And since I don't get to see him but for maybe an hour at night and on the weekends, that makes it hard too. Prior to my son, we lived in my hometown, and although I didn't have friends their either, I had my family, and he and I worked at the same place, same hours and we had tons of time together. Now he has a new job (that we moved for) which is his dream job. I try to be supportive of that as much as I can but it is difficult at times.

My therapist is trying to get me to reach out to a friend from my past who I have grown away from. She is the kind of person where when you get together, it's like no time has passed. But, I had a child, she couldn't relate to that. She moved further away, and got involved with someone and then married and all of a sudden it was like we couldn't relate anymore. We were very close and she didn't invite me to be in her wedding or anything and I was hurt. I dont' think she understands how having a child takes up all your time, and I am sure she doesn't want to hear about it all the time, but frankly, that is all I have to talk about. That there is someone online that I have become very good friends with and she wants me to make the effort to become friends with her in real life and give her a call. Problem is though, both these friends are far away too.

One of my guildmates the other night was talking to me about this stuff and she kept saying ...you have to make the choice, and stop making excuses. If you don't know what to get involved with, create something yourself. I can't do anything on weeknights though as I am the only caretaker for my son, and on the weekends I would have to give up some of my time with them. I think you have a good suggestion though that I need to open up to him more, but I also need to reach out beyond my family. And I guess I am just at a loss as to how to build up my confidence enough to do that. I have always been shy on top of everything else, so that doesn't help matters.

Thanks for your response, and I am glad to hear that there are others who feel the same way. Give your daughters a big hug. Being a SAHM is a noble profession no matter what they say. I would love to be able to do it.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
50 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 110843

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38534

Posts: 714189

Newest Members:

sofaDazy, gjkzifDazy, KatyukhaDazy, fhctym.irfDazy, doraee4, abkbggsxDazy

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer