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Codependence? Or just HOPELESS?!!!
September 17, 2005
12:22 am
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ryny143
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September 24, 2010
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Am I pretty much hopeless??? I've been in this HORRIBLE relationship for 3 years! Is this codependence? Insecurity? I give up!!! DOes anyone have any light to shed on this ADDICTION to such an unhealthy relationship? It seems that 90% of the time, I am trying to change him and make him treat me the way I want to be treated, but it always ends up in frustration 🙁 SOmething in me (& him I guess), feels this need to be put through all tihs stress & drama day after day. I feel like I'm gonna waste another 3 years or more, with this terrible situation! ANy suggestions? How to keep calm and avoid silly stress? Or even how to detatch from something I'm so used to? Pleeease??!!

September 17, 2005
7:07 am
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Rasputin
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September 30, 2010
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Hey Ryn,

Yes, you sound like being in codep and unhealthy relationship. You have come to the right place for healing and recovery.

The 1st step is recongnizing that you are in codep relationship and you need to do something about it. Start by educating yourself. Purchase Melody Beattie's book "Codependent no more" which I am reading right now. Very good book that helped me to decipher so many issues in our life. Also logon http://www.coda.org and find out the closest coda meetings in your district. They also have online meetings in case you cannot attend.

There is also another book entitled "Women who love too much" by: Robin Norwood which I read long time ago. Both books are excellent, healing, inspiring and eye-opening to the nature of relationships in our life.

When you start to change and become healthy, your bf/hubby will either be inspired or pissed off. If it's 1st one, hooray, if 2nd one you need to detach. Yes, detachment is not easy, I struggled a lot with it, yet now I managed to do it!!! Melody's book and coda meetings should help you in this respect, as that book of Melody helped me a lot.

Welcome to this site. Coming here was really very healing to me. I hope you will feel the same thing!

~Love, Ras~

September 17, 2005
3:34 pm
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ryny143
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Hey thanks! You've already helped. I really appreciate it... I ordered the book and found a meeting site in my area. I'm looking forward to it!

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