Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
codependant over boyfriend
October 13, 2006
12:22 pm
Avatar
prosperine06
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi, I'm new here. Is it better to walk away from a relationship where you've become codependant on a person?

I've never been so emotionally tied to a boyfriend EVER even though I've been headover heels; but the relationship I've been struggling with has been so unsettling for me. I've become jealous, possessive and so emotionally charged. I hate the person I have become. I've been in the relationship for over a year now and it has had many ups and downs. While I love him dearly and know it's reciprocated, something just feels wrong. He is not faultless...He tends to be emotionally unavailable since his business has his attention just about 24-7; he is friends with all his exs and often bends over backwards if his friends need help or a place to stay; he has a bad temper, can be very mean and uses me as a doormat when things in his life go wrong...ok so that's the bad stuff...The good stuff keeps me in the relationship (and no it's not sex). He makes me feel safe and secure and happy when he does have the time. And is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with..but is that enough?

He's traveling on a trip again and I feel like I've lost it. He will barely call me to have a conversation and it sends me into a craze. I feel unloved and that he cares so little about me even when he tries to assure me that he loves me very much - but his actions do not always match his words.

I have mentionned the codependency issue to my therapist, but my therapist doesn't like my boyfriend and would rather that I be with someone else despite the feelings that I cannot walk away from. My boyfriend assures me that I will never leave him and he will never leave me. Should I just walk away? When I feel upset...I feel like the relationship is too toxic.

October 13, 2006
1:26 pm
Avatar
Loralei
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Actions speak much louder than words. If the dating stage is difficult for you, image how difficult marriage would be when the expectations are even higher. Emotionally unavailable people don't change. Since he is not giving you what you need, you would be better off finding someone else who can make you happier. Your present relationship sounds very toxic. It won't get any better, only worse.

October 13, 2006
1:38 pm
Avatar
Inca
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi and welcome. You'll find there are a lot of people w/ great advice. I know exactly what you are going thru. I recently went thru a 3 year relationship exactly like yours. It just recently ended. The only thing I can say is that I held on when I wasn't getting what I wanted and that caused a ton of resentments. Looking back on it now, I realized that A) you have to speak up for what you want and B) they cannot read your mind. If you are not getting your needs met when you are speaking up, then it is up to you either to walk away knowing you gave it your best shot or stay in it accepting him for who he really is. If you love someone, you accept them for how they are. Not everyone loves exactly the same. Just don't beat yourself up. Nobody is worth it. How long have you both been dating anyway?

October 13, 2006
2:11 pm
Avatar
journeyman
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi, I have been in a similar situation myself and I couldn't agree more with Inca. Whatever choice you have to make...you have to make for you and you alone. I am currently struggling with something quite different but feel the answers we are seeking are similar in response. I would suggest that you need to take a step back and reflect on what it is you need and want but on a selfish and completely removed level. This has worked for me. Just remember that youself is utlimatly all that you have for certain. Stay true to your desires and dreams and expectations. At least this is how I have begun my new journey and it has helped me to find peace and comfort with myself. The most important thing for my relationship has been the absolute and complete honesty in communication. If he loves you he will listen to you and maybe you may find a whole new man in him. To make a long story short...don't look for the answer stay or go...just enjoy the ride, not for the good and bad, but for the fact that both are necessary and be honest with all that you are and the answer will present itself to you

October 13, 2006
2:38 pm
Avatar
needtoheal
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi prosperine6... i am new to this site and there are a number of people who are there for you because we have been in similar situations.. I was with my ex (it just ended) for 4 yrs... 4 years too long... if your gut feeling is that your needs are not being met--- whether emotionally or physically or both-- then i would go with that gut feeling and get out before it gets worse... that is my advice because i was with someone who was unavailable and it did get worse...
i would rather have walked away if i had a gut feelings like you... it will spare you some heartache... but ultimately you have to make that decision for yourself..
i was in a very codependent relationship... i was his crutch and he was my crutch for different reasons... and it went downhill....
good luck and hugs to you

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
23
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111121
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38715
Posts: 714567
Newest Members:
lovingLaa, zokgassi, Wilthe, Marek, ssdchemical33, jack1palmer
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information