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codepedency
May 10, 2001
1:09 pm
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tan123
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September 27, 2010
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This my first time on this site. All my life I have been obsessed with fixing myself so I would be so to speak "perfect". It never worked. I am terrified, afraid and scared of life. I am afraid of making mistakes. I am afraid of being myself for fear of being rejected. I live rigidly holding on to concepts and ideas that are unattainable. I struggle daily with low self esteem and think I am the only person in this world with codependency issues. I feel sorry for my self. I get angry and resentful towards my parents for not taking steps to fix their codependcy. Now I have to deal with the issues through counselling. I feel afraid to reach out. I feel afraid of God. My whole life is driven by fears. I try so hard to fix my life and I am left empty handed. I can't fix it and it's so hard to accept. I struggle everyday with this. I feel overwhelmed with my problems and very confused. Just wanted to share my feelings

May 10, 2001
3:16 pm
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Hey tan123,

I can relate to a lot of your feelings. I often second guess myself when I make a decision and then "beat" myself up for doing the wrong thing.

Many years ago, in therapy, my counselor got me into being able to make "fun" of myself when I screw up. Sounds kinda strange but after I tried it a few times, I started to laugh at my mistakes. When I made a wrong choice, I would say to myself, " Typical male! or I thought only teenagers made silly mistakes like this.

My counselor taught me that if you can make "fun" at yourself you take away the guilt that we apply to ourselves when we screw up. If their was a crown for bad decisions, I think I could be their king!! Before I would be dejected by that statement; now I laugh.

Now a word of caution... Don't degrade yourself constantly. A little goes a long way!!

We all make mistakes etc., for whatever reason. God made everyone unique in their own special way.
You, me and everyone else is a product of a miracle.

May 10, 2001
10:13 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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Oh, gosh feel the fear and do it any way, life is a banquet and most people are starving to death. Afraid of God, oh please. What is your gain, with this behavior? I may sound stearn, but you need a good kick in the butt to start living, quit the blaming, and start living, if the world around you seems harsh, guess what it is, but what is the point to just sit there and be afraide? Go for the gusto, take no prisoners, and live. Get over the parent thing, they did the best they knew, and so will you. There is risk in life, just do it, all else will fall into place.

May 11, 2001
12:26 pm
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Teri
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September 29, 2010
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You need to know that you are a good person, even if you're not "perfect". Nobody is perfect. I bet you have alot of positive qualities! Sometimes we try too hard to fix our own lives, to be in control. Try living one day at a time and not worrying so much about the future. Instead of dwelling on the negative thoughts, think of the positive things you like about yourself. It sounds hard, but if you try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, it does seem to help.

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