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codep guy here
October 7, 2005
4:06 pm
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GavinDE
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September 24, 2010
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Hi I'm one of the few codependent guys out there I guess. I am 20 and broke up with my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years in July. She had just turned 19. We had always talked about getting married, having kids, etc. Long story short, she went to a party and cheated on me. She thought we should go on a break, which we have been since that time. This break has consisted of me not seeing her at all except once in August when she called me crying because she had slept with someone at a party. Being the "caretaker", of course I rushed to her side to console her. I thought we would get back together and we have talked off and on the phone about maybe getting back together. She called me about a month ago drunk and asked if i had moved on and said she loved me and wanted to be with me and marry me, etc. After that she has been rude and distant on the phone. She's been mean the entire time. Two days ago I found out via her profile on an internet website that she has a boyfriend. She didn't even call me or text me or email me to be like "I have a new boyfriend." I've been holding out hope for so long and now it just seems my world has crashed around me again. I was in a two week intensive counseling program after the breakup, and have continued with medication and weekly counseling sessions. I still can't get over her. I love her so much. I called her today and broke down and said I loved her and I wanted her back more than anything. I hurt so much all of the time. She asked why I was trying to make this harder on her, I said I wasn't, that I just felt like nothing has been resolved. I have two and a half years of my life to her, and she couldn't even sit down with me for an hour and talk stuff over? She kept saying "I need more time", and then she just gets a boyfriend? not only that, but i find out on what would have been our 3 year anniversary. I just feel so lied to. I feel so used. I feel so stupid. She was the first person I was ever in a "real" relationship with. I'm so scared i'm not going to find anyone as pretty or someone ill love as much. i just feel ruined. i know she's obviously not a good person. she's a liar. she's a cheater. i want to forget about her. i want to not love her. i want to not call her. i want to give up so bad, but i just can't. i think about her all the time and what she's doing. i get jealous and angry and scared. ive cut myself over her, drank myself to oblivion.... she was abused before i met her. and i just feel like she's throwing herself in the same type of situation with alcohol and sex, before i met her. i feel like she came so far, and now i can't stop her from screwing up. i worry so much. i love her so much and i dont want to. i don't want to be alone. im so scared about being alone.

October 7, 2005
4:14 pm
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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welcome, and yes, we do have men on this site who are codep also!!!!

"she's a liar. she's a cheater. i want to forget about her. i want to not love her. i want to not call her. i want to give up so bad"

you specifically said this, and don't you see you deserve better??? you just may not see it now, but you have to be worthy of yourself and be with someone who loves you and doesn't lie, and cheat on you.

You are young, and trust me, you will
find a nice pretty girl who will treat you like gold.

Have you tried any local Codependent meetings in your area, if you log onto http://WWW.CODA.ORG gives listings of local coda groups.

Keep coming back here and venting and sharing, you will learn so much.

For now, hold onto yourself, know that you are not alone and these feelings will pass.

(((camer)))

October 7, 2005
4:25 pm
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Randomwomen2
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September 29, 2010
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welcome to this site hunny. You are still young yet. Im 22 and am going through a sepration with my husband it is hard to not know whats going to happen i have 2 boys ages 2 and 3 and i fully intend to live my life. We dont need a partner yes we would like one but we need to learn to take care of ourselves first. Put your needs first for a while find out what you realy want out of life then think about adding someone to it. And if you and this girl were truly ment to be then it will hapen. Dont freat over tomarow. I am learning this all myself. I am very glad you found this site there are a lot of wonderful people here.
Love
Julie

October 7, 2005
10:56 pm
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hurt and confused
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September 24, 2010
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Hi co,
Welcome to the sight. I am fairly new and have come a ways since. It has been three days since I have not cried, lost sleep and worried about my drama man. He is an individual who drinks and was abused by his wife. He left me to go back to her. That is how codep he is. There is more but it is about you now. All I can say is it happens. you are not alone and time will heal all wounds. I am still licking mine and will for a while. As I read alone with in this sight, it helps me because i know that I am not alone. I even turned my ex b/f on to this sight as well. Keep writing and in time you will feel better. I promise you, you will feel it. I never thought that I would ever get over this but this is the best I have felt in a really long time. brush up on your typing skills and talk to us. I am not a pro at this, i am speaking from an un-experienced heart. Talk to us-Hurt.

October 7, 2005
11:17 pm
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human drama
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I think it must be hard to resist loving this girl but I think you should give it a try.
Obviously you are both mixed up and should take some time to reflect on your life individually. I get that you are giving so much of yourself but not receiving much in return.
Like a yoyo, back and forth.
I hope you will heal from this lack of love and confusion. Everybody deserves to be treated fairly and with kindness and respect.
HD

October 8, 2005
3:37 am
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Lass
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September 24, 2010
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Gavin--

Just being around someone like that is crazymaking for us. See her like a drug to an addict, and do your best to go cold turkey. If it is doing this number on you.. and we all recognize the tune you are dancing to by the way... it will not stop but only get worse.

Do you really want the mother-to-be of your children behaving like this? I acted like a tramp and a drunk because I WAS before I got sober, and for some time into sobriety as well

Take this relationship for the wake up call it is. There is some work to be done on you, by you and your God, so that you have a shot at a healthy partnership down the road aways.

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