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Co-dependent?
December 1, 1999
12:32 am
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Justme
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I'm really not sure I understand co-dependency and was hoping I could get advice. I grew up in a happy home. Parents were strict but loving. My husband had a hard childhood. His mother was an alcoholic (in & out of rehab) and his dad was very verbally abusive. My husband was never hugged or praised. Always criticized. My question: I gave my husband unconditional love. Did everything he told me. He was very controlling and not happy with anything I did. Said the house was never clean enough and I was very irresponsible. He recently left me after fourteen years of marriage. Although I'm not the one that lived with an alcoholic, it seems like I was the one who was co-dependent and drove him away. I needed him for my happiness. If he was happy so was I. I feared his criticism and disgust with me. Am I wrong? How do I go on from here?

December 1, 1999
9:55 am
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lost soul
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Whats wrong with you? I don't seem to figure out is there any problems with you.You needed him for your happiness is co-dependent.Anyway, is never easy for anybody to have their love one leave them after so many years of marriage. But time will heal your wound.Explore more with this site. It will provide you with lots of "insight"

December 1, 1999
11:25 am
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site coordinator
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Justme,

Thanks for posting.

It does sound like there are self-esteem/self-image issues for you, as seen in a coupe of your statements: "I needed him for my happiness. If he was happy so was I. I feared his criticism and
disgust with me."

Codependency is really described as a group of symptoms (one of which can be low self-esteem/image), which develops from growing up in a stressful environment.

You described your childhood as "strict but loving"...that can mean a lot of things (some helpful, some probably not). This doesn't mean you're codependent, but you likely look to others for approval and praise? These are traits which attract codependent people (as you say your husband was)...

There are quite a few threads here which talk about Codependency...please look around, and welcome.

- SC

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