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co-dependent with boyfriend
April 5, 2007
5:13 pm
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Minvera81
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September 24, 2010
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i feel incredibly co-dependent with my boyfriend and i can't seem to stop. i have acknowledged the problem with him and others, but it doesn't seem to be getting much better. one good thing is that i am going to aa, however, i keep going on and off the wagon. i have not done drugs in almost two weeks (a big step for me) but i have had drinks every 6 days or so, despite going to aa. whenever he is away from me, i feel the need to drink. also if he is drinking, i want to drink.
i fear everyday that he will leave me. i ruminate all day about how he is the best thing in my life and then how he is not right for me and that i would be better with someone else. i don't know what to do. i feel nuts.
anyone have advise? i wish i could stop thinking this way.

April 5, 2007
5:25 pm
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nappy
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Well congratulation that you have acknowledge the fact that you are codependent. It seem like you have two problems that you need to work on and maybe the first one is to stop drinking.
I no that it may be a good thing to go to AA, but is you serious about the program. You just can't be going to be going and then turn around and start all over again. You will have to surrender before you can do anything. And second you may need to separated from your boyfriend, so that you can work on you.
When you can say to yourself that your boyfriend is your WHOLE LIFE, then you do have a problem. Your boyfriend should not be your whole life, he should be a part of it but not the whole.
The only thing that I can say to you is that you will have to surrender your will to the drinking and drugs and start thinking about yourself.
I just hate to see womens like you, who is scare of the fear losing a man. To me that is wasting to much time with thoughts of that person. Where to you find the time to think about yourself? Maybe when you start to get real serious about AA, then just maybe you will start to see some light.
Nappy!

April 5, 2007
7:59 pm
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taj64
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If he is the best thing in your life, why do you have to drink over it? Gee, I think he is not the best thing in your life, i think he is your worst nightmare. Love yourself better than this. Everything falls in place when you respect yourself and love yourself.

April 6, 2007
9:29 pm
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Rasputin
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It's a process and every day or progress is one step ahead in the right direction. Relapses are part of the process.

Educate yourself with some literature such as Melody's book "Codependent no more" or "Love is a choice" can't recall the author.
You're doing the right things Min, by going to AA, you will find lots of support network, people who are in the same boat as you.

Hang in there and keep doing the right thing!

Blessings!

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