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Co-dependent or not?
August 16, 2004
12:15 pm
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searchn4hugs
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I am 55, I consider myself a one woman man. Is this a sign of co-dependent? Joined a few dating services, met a few ladies, nothing real great. I do not like dating. Now I met a wonderful 50 year old that I feel strongly about after only two (7hr) dates. Is this chemistry possible? I feel I want to talk to her each day, even if it's just an email of hello. I do not even disre meeting other ladies now. She is not as needy (If I can use this word) even though her profile on the dating service said she is looking for a special one. Now I fear I am not the special one. Question someone told me not to bother her, give her the option to call and if she doesn't move on. Advise?

August 16, 2004
12:23 pm
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sdesigns
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Speaking from a woman's point of view, I think you need to give her some space. Sometimes when men push they seem needy and it can be draining. People need time to adjust to things and especially if its going to be a special relationship. Be patient and let her adjust to the thought of you. I don't think anyone likes to date- and everyone llikes to have that special someone. Real love takes time. SD

August 16, 2004
12:37 pm
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searchn4hugs
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sdesigns
Thank you! I appreciate your words. I lost a love six months ago where we both seemed to be on the same page from the start. Letting each other know every day we were there. Lasted four month till she dicovered herself. ????? I still don't understand but I let go and want to move on. Now I met someone who makes my heart pump again, it's hard not to want more. I know better but just wondering if others feel this way. So many EXPERTs want to nail you with titles like co-dependacy or deression, etc. With this gal her kiss explodes my heart, other dates did not do this to me. So I feel it is chemistry not a dependancy. At 55 I feel dumb.

August 16, 2004
1:29 pm
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CAMER
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give her some space, i had a man that i met on a dating service and it got to the point that he did the same thing, would talk with other women on the site, and insisted talking every single nite..it was too much pressure for me, I needed time to build up to
liking him and that takes time...just bide your time, but def. give her some space, cuz you don't want to scare her away.....good luck, camer

August 16, 2004
8:36 pm
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blueeyes1009
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searchn4hugs,

It is possible to have chemistry at 55. Why not? Don't crowd her but let her know that you are definitely interested. Take your cues from her. The dating sights nowadays are a good way for someone to meet if they are not into the bar scene. Just because she trips your trigger doesn't necessarily mean that you are co-dependent.

Good Luck

Blueeyes

August 16, 2004
8:46 pm
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workinonit
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Searchn4hugs, I think many women and men enjoy the mystery of the new relationship. By rushing, you are taking the joy of the wait away. It needs to build, and this is just as important for you as it is for your friend.

What did you do for yourself before she came along? Or, what have you always wanted to do but haven't gotten around to yet? Focus on somthing else and give her the mystery she desires.

Of course, this is only my opinion!!!!

August 16, 2004
9:08 pm
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dougale
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I would not overdo it. Don't try to be in touch with her all the time. Give her some time to miss you and reflect on the time she is spending with you to decide for herself if she wants to continue seeing you. She may not feel the same way about you just yet that you say you feel about her. She needs breathing space. Plus being a good kisser doesn't mean she is "the one". Give it time.

August 17, 2004
10:43 am
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searchn4hugs
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Thanks everyone for the kind words, this does instill in me a sense of whatever. I guess I am the type of male that wants love, thinks I am not whole without love, and I know that seems un-healthy. It seems to be un-healthy when not going well, I hurt inside but when I find someone I am the type that will be very loyal. Now before I met her I met others that did nothing for me so I did various things to keep busy. Was not having today's issues. It's just since I met her I feel so twisted inside that is why I ask about co-dependancy. So confusing. I have no choice but to back off and maybe it's over anyways. I just discovered this morning she lied to me about where she was going. Gave me a fumbled excuse that will not hold water and I have other factors that point to a lie. I haven't seen her yet to ask, but I will play it cool. Unless she tells me (without me asking) I think I will let go. Thanks to everyone, I found this site and am happy. Sometimes I have no-one who will listen, no real friends that understand me. Oh well thank you

August 20, 2004
11:55 pm
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bangles
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Well, from another lady's point of view (and I'm not seeing where co-dependency fits you at all!), i would certainly let the lady know you were interested, but take it slowly. Keep in touch. Feel her out (theoretically speaking!) as to if she wants more from you. She sounds like she needs time and space, so provide it!

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