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Co-Dependent Moment
May 19, 2006
11:34 am
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crandola
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I'm having a classic co-dependent moment and could use some insight. I have a lot going on in my life right now, good, bad, and indifferent. I've been very busy, traveling a lot on week-ends, and generally under stress to complete projects and fullfill obligations.

This week I've been a bit emotional. All of my classic over-stressed signs are starting to show. I am disappointed I let myself get to this point, but I know what my body is telling me. I need to slow down and take care of myself.

I am scheduled to be home this week-end and I've planned only one small project. But as the end of the week approached, I got more stressed and now have the strong urge to go somewhere for the week-end. I even packed this morning in case I decide to take off.

Intellectually this doesn't make any sense. I need rest. I have an opportunity to get rest. I need to catch up with myself and just "be". Yet, my emotions are pulling me to go, go, go. This happens to me a lot.

I am try to resist the urge to go, but the thought of not going is making me feel depressed, like I would be depriving myself of something.

I know this is classic co-dependent behavior. I am reaching out for something to make me feel good when I should be looking in. When I get what I thought would make me feel good, I will realize that didn't do it for me, and I will continue looking.

But what causes this behavior? Why do I do this when I can see what I'm doing is "wrong"??

May 20, 2006
5:17 pm
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Rasputin
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Crandola - Let me 1st congratulate you on realizing that you have a problem. That is big victory and takes so much courage. Kudos!

Aren't we all the same, trying to fill up that void inside of us by: traveling, working, having extra $$$, more properties, shopping, internet stuff etc.

I think we are missing something in our life and that is our emotional and spiritual connection. I would recommend you to develop your spiritual life and do some soulsearching. A good book that can help you to start on track is "The purpose driven life" by Rick Warren.

Another book is "Codependent no more" by Melody Beattie. It will help you undertand this prevalent phenomenon which is spread every where more than you can imagine and you will realize that you're not alone in your struggles.

Hang in there. Keep reading and posting here!

Blessings, Ras~

May 20, 2006
6:21 pm
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hi Cran

>> But what causes this behavior? < < Its low self-esteem, a lack of self-love and self-acceptance. >> Why do I do this when I can see what I'm doing is "wrong"?? < < Although you know you shouldnt be looking outside for satisfaction, its hard for you to find peace inside because of the lack of self-esteem. I'm a guy with an abusive childhood, a mom who wrecked my self-esteem. I think I've progressed from low self-esteem to average self-esteem in the last couple of years by self-help, counseling etc. What do we do then? I think you know its better to just stay at home for this weekend. How about, telling yourself, you'll get that vacation some other time when you feel like doing it and for now, you could just sit at home and as you just, just "be". I'm sure at the end of the weekend, you might find some peace. I hope you stop bieng so busy. Is it possible to step down on the gas and not work that much?

May 20, 2006
6:28 pm
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mamac
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crandola
sounds your away from home alot lately. If it were me I would try to think of being at home as a vacation from all the chaos of life. Time to just sit and veg for a couple of days without having to do anything, what a wonderful concept.

May 22, 2006
12:37 pm
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crandola
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Thanks for the responses. I did stay home this past week-end. Once I got the idea of traveling out of my head, I was very relaxed. I did a few things around the house, but mostly I enjoyed catching up with myself. I made a point of noticing Saturday morning that I was doing what I felt like doing at any particular moment instead of scheduling myself through the day. When I felt like eating, I stopped what I was doing and I ate. When I got tired, I dropped everything and layed on the couch.

I still have to watch out that I don't over schedule myself, but I am over the hump for now. My focus at this point is mostly on not having a repeat episode. Now that I recognize when I am pushing too hard and losing sight of myself, I need a strategy for changing the behavior as soon as I notice it.

Any suggestions?

May 22, 2006
12:59 pm
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Thats great! Looks like you did really well relaxing. That was excellent, just doing what you felt like doing, that the ticket.

I guess just make sure you have as less as possible to do on the weekends so you can have that time off, plus if you feel you're overloaded on weekdays, you could leave early for home, etc.

Maybe now when you spend a couple of more weekends like this, you could test the vacation thing. That should work out too. Keeping off the workload is the main thing, having less stuff to do.

May 22, 2006
1:22 pm
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mamac
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Good for you!! If you want more you time and love to have a schedule, make yourself write "a you day "each week". It can be a differant day each week if you have things you absolutely have to do. Tell everyone that on that day you have an important engagement. They dont have to know it is with yourself...Trust me it will help if you stick to it. You scedule everything else why not that.

May 23, 2006
1:54 am
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ljs
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I've learned to come home. Sometimes it is very hard. I have to tell myself there is nothing out there I a have not already experinced or seen when it comes to being alone. We can all tell our self that, but I promise you if you stay home one weekend there will be another that you will enjoy because you took time out for you. Easier said than done. It takes hard work.

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