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co-dependency, dealing with infidelity, trust and boundaries
August 29, 2007
10:40 pm
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learning2live
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September 29, 2010
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Thanks for all the replies. He DOES say he wants to try...we are each seeing separate councelors right now. I didn't mean to insinuate mine thinks the affair is my fault--I LOVE my therapist and she's been extremely supportive through this, she just wanted to point out that I DO have codependance issues and that those issues are part of why I ignored my suspicions for an entire year and why I need to be particularly careful if I try to reconsile, because it is too easy for me to want to forgive and FIX things, rather than letting my husband deal with his own stuff at his own pace, and being honest with myself if it appears he is not really ready to make the types of major lifestyle changes necessary to be a good partner to me.

We are separated right now and I'm trying to just focus on ME and not obcess too much about what he's doing and thinking. That is hard sometimes, but I know it is necessary.

September 3, 2007
9:01 pm
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kennywood
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September 24, 2010
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my husband also had an affair. a three year one with a coworker. he also had an affair 10 years ago. After much heartache, prayers, counselling and talking, we worked through this. we discovered he was a sex addict. I know this could sound like a cop-out but as he went through counselling he looked back and could see the addiction. He is now in recovery and also leads a group of five men with the same issues. He is doing everything possible to make up for this. I know he is sincere, but I still have a problem with trust and have so many triggers that set my mind replaying the past. Sometimes i hate the other woman and wish harm would come her way. It seems to be a constant battle. It's been almost four years since I discovered the affair. Things get better with time, but I don't know if I will ever truly trust again

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