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Co-Dependance
January 25, 2005
5:03 pm
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KWMike
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I respect the views of all that post here, I am Co-Dependant, my name is Mike. If I need to label my dysfunctions as Co-Dependant in order to deal with them, than that is what I need to do. I am doing healthy things for myself now. Some may feel the need to call Co-Dependancy B/S, and that is cool. I pray for EVERYONE here, as God loves us all equally.

January 25, 2005
5:12 pm
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mamacinnamon
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KWMike:

I'm glad you are doing well. Good for you. And thank you for the prayers. They are always welcomed.

I don't understand what you are saying tho. Would you care to explain it further?

January 25, 2005
5:15 pm
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KWMike
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You would need to read recent postsfrom the last hour to understand.

January 25, 2005
5:20 pm
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SweetAmanda
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KWMike Said: "If I need to label my dysfunctions as Co-Dependant in order to deal with them than that is what I need to do."

RIGHT! Take what you can use and leave the rest. If it frees you from bondage, than by all means use it!

As Shakespeare said: "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

(((Hugs to Mike)))

Nice to meet you, Amanda

January 25, 2005
6:54 pm
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Phalic_Liberator
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If you want to label your dysfunctions as codependence than that is fine. You can hide behind a nebulous term, invented by someone trying to sell books, and adopted as a disease model by some of the most unprofessional and incompetent therapists around.

What is amazing is that people who legitimately may be suffering as a result of a real mental illness are either diagnosing themselves or being diagnosed with codependence although there are numerous disorders that share symptoms with this "malady".

Perhaps the most tragic thing about it is that people who have had to live with an alcoholic or a drug addict have had that person return home after treatment, acting like they were God's gift to theraputic recovery and bounce that term off their heads everytime one of them got crosswise with the idiot who had to go to treatment in the first place. "Oh, you're just being codependent."

"Stop getting so upset, it's codependent."

"I'm just calling my old dealer to say hello. You're being codependent."

"No, It would be codependent of me to stay at home and look after the kids. I'm going to hang out with my buddies at the bar."

Some of the other diseases that share the same criteria as codependence are:

*Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
*(Major) Depression
*Acute Stress Disorder
*Dependent Personality Disorder
*Avoidant Personality Disorder
*Stockholm Syndrome(BADumpBumpTsss)

Negativistic Personality Disorder
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Narcisistic Personality Disorder

What's the * for? Glad you asked. These are all disorders which may be either caused or aggravated by being in a relationship with a compulsive gambler, drug addict, or alcoholic. Dictionary.com's definition confers upon the person tramatized in the relationship this disease which, ironically, and dubiously places responsibility for the actions of the abuser onto the other person.

So go ahead. Keep using it. Like a lot of things that repeat in all media sooner or later, and by virtue of that repitition, it will become true.

January 25, 2005
10:59 pm
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KWMike
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I don't use my codependancy as an excuse. I use it as a reason to address my negative behaviours and bring on change for myelf. Phalic_Liberator God bless you.

January 25, 2005
11:37 pm
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slowbutsurerecovery
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hi KWMike, i liked your comments and agree with them. keep up the good work and God bless you for your strength.

January 26, 2005
12:17 am
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Phalic_Liberator
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Don't get passive aggressive with me. I'm praying for you too but it's not because I disagree with you. I'm not saying your using it as an excuse. I am saying you're using an eroneous concept that is as misleading as it is confounding.

It's your deal, KWMike. I'm not going to ever be codependent about it. If you want to continue proposing this rediculous concept I won't stop you.

There was once a time in my life when I considerred that I was codependent. I know and have even refamiliarized myself with all of the concepts and thinking that are presented on the subject.

I can even spell it correctly and it's your mind-fuck, not mine.

What I've got now is a clear mind free from the constraints of constantly analyzing and scrutinizing every action to make sure it is free from dreaded codependency.

I pack all that I can into the stream of life and my sobriety is contingent upon my constant thought of others. I put the needs of others ahead of my own and God takes care of the rest.

In order for one to achieve a completely non-codependent personality one has to adopt a sociopathic model for behavior. Good luck with that. You can put this crap up here. I'll keep tearing it down.

Put your tounge between your lips and blow.

January 26, 2005
12:35 am
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sewunique
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KWMike,

Hi and welcome here. Thanks for your posting your kind words. I hope you find this site helpful as there are many people with good support to share with their experinces!

Sew

January 26, 2005
12:47 am
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sewunique
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Excuse me Mike as I jump onto your thread again:

Phalic,

I just felt I needed to address both your posts to this thread.

Perhaps I am a bit codependent that I feel and see your harsh words to Mike.

Then again, I might just feel a bit offended at your tone and harsh words and lengthy explanation to make your point.

I believe it is the latter of the two, as these threads are open to all to read and post.

This site is a place where people have codependency issues, along with many other issues. We come here to discuss our feelings and situations we struggle with. There is a degree of vulnerability when we open ourselves to other's opinions to us. However, in a caring manner, we try to return our views to others with the consideration of their feelings.

I hope this clarifies my reason in posting here.

Sew

January 26, 2005
1:08 am
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Phalic_Liberator
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Sew,

It's also about facing your fears. I don't think you're being codependent. I think you're being sensitive.

I also think its fine to be considerate. KWMike has proposed that codependence is a real issue and I am arguing against that. If I provide a lengthy explanation that is because I believe I have valid reasons that require length to support my point of view.

If my words hurt, let me assure you that it is nothing in comparrison with the pain that one carries pretending in the efficacy of recovery a'la codependency.

In AA I've seen too many drunks die because they were "killed with kindness."

Be careful. Don't let your need for compassion outweigh a quest for truth. A common strategy used in cults is called mileau control. It dictates restrictions on language too. It is used to keep the status quo from being questioned.

PL

January 26, 2005
1:19 am
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Phalic_Liberator
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One more thought. In reviewing the rules I have seen that this discourse may be better suited for Liberation Brew. I'll continue advising against utilizing the concept of codependency. I do think it causes much more harm than good. I will also continue to speak to the solution.

As for this argument, I cede the last word to KWMike at his liesure. If you wish, Mike or anyone esle, you can take it up with me on the LB Threads. I will check on it periodically.

January 26, 2005
2:00 am
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sewunique
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Phalic,

Thank you for coming back with this. And I am glad you reviewed the guidelines for posting.

We all see things differently and have our own opinions. We even talk and express ourselves differently as individuals.

I can understand that you feel strongly about what you said and why you said it. I see it ( effects of drug/alchohol abuse) in my profession and my own family all the time. However, in lieu of the compassion, you can draw more with honey than vinegar. I know at times, that we can get rather intense in trying to make our point here, or in attempting to have others to understand our point of view, in essence, to 'help them'.

Yet this site can be a useful tool as a learning process for those to view it as such. At times, we even may change our opinions.

But as for debating, the Liberation Brews allows that. I think we have cleared our views here well enough that further discussion would be nonproductive. This IS a site that affords professional links and acknowledges codependency as a reality.

Sew

January 26, 2005
2:08 am
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Phalic_Liberator
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Whatever.

January 26, 2005
2:27 am
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KWMike
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Phalic_Liberator
You are going to make this site very colorful for me , thank you. Stick around, stand back and watch me recover.

We are both here for the same reason, to find help in our journeys. Nice to meet you.

You have my respect.

January 26, 2005
2:34 am
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Phalic_Liberator
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Likewise.

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