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clownface... still here?
November 2, 2006
1:04 am
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needtoheal
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just wondering... god i cannot believe what i just posted.. guess i had to get it all out

November 2, 2006
1:30 am
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clownface
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I'm gld you got it out. Yo have so muchto deal with, but you ARE`dealing with it. I am glad you have a therapist to work though your past. You did not scare me. I got my degree in counseling so I am somewhat familar with the trauma you suffered. I worked @ a high school with incest victims. It was horrible to listen to what these girls went through for YRS. My heart ached for them, it still does......

I can tell from your words that you are a very devoted mother. Take comfort in that, at least you are not alone totally. It sounds like your biggest battle is loneliness when the boys are gone. Do you have some support local to help you during this time>

November 2, 2006
1:47 am
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needtoheal
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no i have been working -- changed my schedule and yeah clownface this is what is so difficult for me/.

this friday they go with their dad.. i am working 6-10 pm

i don't have plans made to spend time with the new girl friends that i have made recently
but i may just have to make plans with myself
sounds stupid
but i literally will tell myself
after work--- go home-- walk mandy (my 6 month old puppy)-- post on the computer--go to bed

not this weekend but the following will be rough because they go from friday night to sunday and next friday is my youngest 7th birthday/ i am celebrating it with him during that day because he has off from school

November 2, 2006
1:55 am
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clownface
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I do the same thing! I make plans with myself. Not my choice of activities, but it does work. What kind of puppy is Mandy? I am an amimal rescuer. I will stop for a turtle IF it is in the middle of the road! Of course, I stop for all furry critters.

What are doing for your son's birthday? Seven yrs old is such a sweet age!

November 2, 2006
2:02 am
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needtoheal
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Mandy is a wheaten colored Cairne terrier (like TOTo from the wizard of oz)...and I also have 2 bearded dragons.. they laid eggs and hatched last year.. we took the eggs to school for the kids to see in the incubator and put a light up to them and saw the embryos///

i am not so sure what i am going to do for his birthday... i know that my neice and nephew will be over at my parent's house where i will be with the kids...

i am so excited for him

can't believe he will be 7 years old

time goes by so fast......

thanks clownface!!!!!!!!!!

November 3, 2006
12:30 am
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needtoheal
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hey-== just wondering if you are still here,,

November 3, 2006
10:17 am
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StronginHim77
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Need -

I have owned TWO wheaten cairns: "Auntie Em" and "Toto." Lost them both this past year. It has been very hard, as I miss them more than I miss my "ex."

I will be around, off & on today and this evening, if you need someone to talk with, OK? I know weekends are hard for you.

- Ma Strong

November 3, 2006
10:28 am
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needtoheal
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thanks Ma...

The boys are with their dad tonight and then they are with me this weekend..
Made plans to have lots of FUn with them...

Next weekend will be rough.. It is my youngest birthday next Friday.. turns 7... and goes with his dad all weekend.. But like I have mentioned, I am filling up my time alone with work..

thanks for your support< MA

November 3, 2006
10:34 am
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needtoheal
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MA---

MANDY IS SO FULL OF LIFE...AND SHE KEEPS ME ON MY TOES... SHE IS ONLY 6 MONTHS OLD...

SHE IS SUCH A JOY.. SHE IS VERY ATTACHED TO THE BOYS..

AND SHE BRINGS SUCH SPONTANEITY TO THIS HOUSE..

I AM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT THE LOSS OF YOUR DOGS..

I THINK ABOUT THE TIME WHEN I GOT HER, AND I THINK I WAS PREPARING MYSELF FOR THIS DETACHMENT.. I GOT HER AND I ALSO BOUGHT A COMPUTER....

AND BOTH HAS BEEN SUCH A GIFT TO ME

AND HAS HELPED ME IN SO MANY WAYS..

I AM SO GLAD THAT I HAVE REACHED OUT

AND MET SUCH WONDERFUL, CARING AND

LOVING FRIENDS... LIKE YOU...

November 3, 2006
10:59 am
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needtoheal
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Ma--

I turned off the cell phone since

I am home today.. there is NO REASON

for me to keep it on.. and that will

curb any temptation to look to see

if he called or left a message..

That is something that I am going

to change...

I did not even take the phone with

me to work yesterday because I know

that if the school would need to

contact me they could also call

my work..

It is these things that I have to do

and I do have the willingness to

change what I need to change in order

to shut the door and avoid the risk

of temptation.....

I do not want to change my phone

numbers.. I think right now it will

be okay.. but I am willing to do that

in the future if I think that I am

too weak......

thanks for listening and for empowering me

November 3, 2006
11:40 am
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needtoheal
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Ma--

I only touched base in therapy about this but I was wondering what you thought or some ideas that you may have.....

I had suffered from separation anxiety

as a child... before I was molested

by my brother's friend...

I know that the suffering I feel

now with separating from the MONSTER

POND SCUM has to do with this from

the past..

I do have a prescription for an

anti-anxiety pill but I do not

take it as often as maybe I should.

I have done some research on

generalized anxiety disorder..

My son was diagnosed with it as well.

Do you have any suggestions or ideas?

I was thinking about starting yoga

and doing some meditation exercises...

THe whole mind-body connection..

thanks

love, need

November 3, 2006
11:46 am
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needtoheal
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MA--

My puppy is so smart... She was

barking before so I went downstairs

to see what was the matter.. well

she was all out of water and when I

got downstairs she had her bowl

in her mouth....

Cairn terriers are so intelligent,

and loving...

just wanted to share

November 3, 2006
12:00 pm
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needtoheal
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went to the website coping.org

and had lots of exercises about powerlessness ..

I am going to share this with the

others at NO CONTACT

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