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**clownface.... need your help!!****
April 22, 2007
11:20 pm
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needtoheal
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Hey girls.. thinking of you both..
I hope all is well with u both..

I am on my way to healing. I have decided that I am going to seek out another therapist and start working on MYSELF..

I spent time with PS this weekend. We took the boys to the zoo. It was beautiful weather and we had a good time. However, on our way back home, things started to crumble.. PS received a phone call on his cell phone from his friend's daughter. THis girl is 10 years old. She wanted to know if he was going to be taking his motorcycle to the bowling alley because she wanted to see it. THen he told me that she does call him once in a while and tells him all about her problems that she has with her boyfriend.; He said that her sister who is 15 also calls him;

Once I started to ask him questions about it he crumbled. I asked him if their father knows that they call him;
He said that I am jealous of whoever he talks with; when I told him that I did not like the fact that i could not even tell him my opinion, I said that I am done... He said that I can go and be with JC .. who he knows was living with me for a while after I broke up with him..
He made a comment that I thought was inappropriate..
I am so done with this.. I know that he had just been an ILLUSION in my head..
I do not like the fact that he treats me like this especially in front of the boys. What type of behavior is he showing them on how to treat women.?

So I ended it with him and made that very clear to him;] He told me that he loves me and that i was the best thing in the world.
He said that he will always love me..

These statements do not matter to me anymore;

I sent him a text message telling him that IF he truly loved me, I would not feel like crap..

I have to stay away from him and MEAN it this time..

time to take care of me and those boys..

Thinking of you both
NEED

April 27, 2007
11:08 am
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clownface
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Need:
Sorry to hear that you are experiencing pain yet again at the hands of PS. I too, would have taken the action that you took. Do you feel that you may need to contact the girls father to make him aware of the converstaions with PS? It sounds like nothing has happened YET...but as a parent of 2 girls, I would be concerned that they are calling, meeting with, seeking advice from someone like PS. Just my thoughts.......

I hope you have a good weekend and have some fun. You deserve it. How are the boys?

All is peaceful here, for the moment.....

Love ya,

Clown~Keep us posted.

May 1, 2007
10:55 pm
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needtoheal
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Hey girls... I miss you both... Been so busy. sorry i have not been on here that much lately.. I have been taking care of myself.. Got into a BIGTIME Spring cleaning mode.. I have cleaned and organized the entire house. I feel so much better. The laundry is no longer piled. THe boys are keeping their rooms cleaned. All is well..

As far as PS, He told these girls that it is unacceptable for them to call him even though their father said that it was alright for them to call him.. I know their father just from seeing him at the bowling alley over the years and he it does not suprise me that this man would tell his daughters that it was alright for them to call him..

My boys are doing well.. thanks for asking. They are finishing up school which they both did very well this year.

THey are both having a difficult time with their father. This past weekend they were supposed to go with their father for the weekend. Well I called him and said that they were ready to go only then to find out that their father had made arrangements with my MOther to watch them over the weekend.
My mother, on the other hand, told me that he did contact her about watching the boys three weeks previous but he did not say that he definitely made plans -- he said in case i would not allow him to switch the weekend with him or if an emergency happened....
So i asked him if he had called my mother to remind her and he said no..
So I told him that i needed to go to work that night and he needed to contact my mother and straighten it out with her otherwise he would have to come and get the boys.
So he ended up picking them both up and dropping them off at my parent's house for the weekend.. The poor boys were so upset and disappointed. They also knew that he was spending time with his girlfriend and her two boys as well.. In fact, I knew for a fact that he took his vacation and did not spend any extra time with the kids .. even though they were on spring break that same week. So he spent the entire week with HER KIDS and not HIS OWN!!!
UGH!!

I hope all is well with you both..

MIss you all lots

love,
NEED

May 6, 2007
8:23 am
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needtoheal
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Just checking in and I hope that all is well with you both...

I miss you both

NEED

May 12, 2007
12:08 am
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Need:

I miss you too! Have you heard anything from Cyndra? All is well here, trying to cope and get along with Klunkhead now that he is living with me. He is right here beside me so I've got to hop off of here for now.
Let's not loose touch with each other.

Love ya,
Clown

May 14, 2007
4:28 pm
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needtoheal
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Clownface:
Missing you and Cyndra terribly.. I have not been posting in quite some time but I do think of you often. How was your mother's day? How are things going with you and KH now that he has moved in?
My Mother's Day was nice. The boys were with their father but came home a little earlier. They had made plans to suprise me by cleaning up their room. They asked PS (yes, that is right PS), to take me out so that they can meet with my mother who offered to help them clean up around the house. It was so sweet because my oldest son said "but Every Day is Mother's Day!!"

I had started spending more time with PS lately. JC backed off and was accepting of the fact that her and I will not be a couple anymore. So when she knew that I was with PS she stopped doing the annoying behaviors that she did in the past like calling me and hanging up on me a thousand times when I was with PS.

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, PS had been talking with the teenage girl and her younger sister. He said that they had called him twice on his cell phone to talk. Well I went to the bowling alley with him last night (that is the excuse I gave the boys as to why I was delayed on coming home), and the oldest girl who is 15 and there with her boyfriend, said something to PS about how he no longer says hello and then said to him "screw you". There was another woman sitting next to PS and had witnessed this and she said to the girl "I can find someone who can teach your boyfriend to do that to you if you'd like" and PS was laughing hysterically...
I was not there to witness this but when I came over to where PS was sitting he told me all about it.. I told him that I do not feel sorry for him because i had forewarned him about interacting with these young girls. The other woman who had been there to witness this also told PS that he should NOT be talking to these girls at all.... SO they did not speak to each other for the rest of the night..

It also turns out that PS did not erase those numbers of the girls that he had been texting when we were broken up last fall.. (the girls that had sent pictures of themselves to his cell phone that I found on there last Fall)..

I confronted him about it and he told me that he FORGOT to erase all of their numbers. even though earlier in the day there was a picture of a girl on his phone. I confronted him about that as well because he supposedly stopped text messaging and talking to these women so why would they still be sending their pictures of themselves to him months later???
He told me that he had sent a text message to her to leave him alone. I told him that there was no message that he sent to her and he said that he erased it but he forgot to erase the picture that the girl sent to him. Does he truly think that I would believe him??
He does not want us to break up and he is extremely mad AT ME. He even had ME change his cell phone number yesterday. His theory is that we can start all over since all of the numbers are erased from his cell phone.
In fact, one number was entered into his contact list as In (for a woman that lived in Indiana).. Does he think that I am that stupid??

He kept asking me if it was over between us. He said that if it was over then he would take me off of his cell phone plan and he would also want everything back... like the motorcycle jacket and helmet that he bought for me recently so that i could ride with him on the motorcycle that he just got.

Then today he called and asked me what was going on with me; he said that i should just forget everything and not give up so quickly by dumping him. He said that he has changed and that i even told him that he has changed. He told me that nothing is ever good enough for me.
He said GOd forbid if he was ever to cheat on me. He said that I should just go and hang him because he forgot to erase the numbers that were in his phone. He said that he knows that I would do it. He asked how would I feel if he went and killed himself? He said that I am the only woman that he talks to, the only woman that he spends time with, and the only woman that he loves. He then told me that he had to go and go kill himself and hung up the phone on me........

He said that he has changed in how he has treated me. He said that I even said how I see see the changes that he has made; and i agreed with that. I said "until this all resurfaced". He said that i have not given him any chances and that was when I said to him that i did give him plenty of chances. I had gone back to him after this stuff was done in April of 2006 before i even came here to ACC. Then last December when I met JC is when I found the pictures and text messages from women on his cell phone and posted here about it....... Then i did spend 3 months without seeing him at all....and now the same stuff continues...

I sent him a text message that said without trust there is no relationship. Obviously I do not trust him and he does not trust me either since I have found these messages and pictures on his phone..

I think Cyndra is correct because I know that it is all an illusion that I have created inside my head about HIM and our relationship that I want so much to have...

It is just an illusion!

I do hope that we remain in contact as well.

I miss you so much.. clown.
I do think that you do understand how it feels to not be able to leave someone....

thinking of you

love,
NEED

May 15, 2007
9:57 pm
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needtoheal
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Just checking in and saying hello and missing you both...

love,
NEEd

May 19, 2007
11:25 pm
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needtoheal
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Just stopping by once again to say hello.. How are you Clown? and How are you Cyndra? Missing you both lots..

I have a big week ahead of me -- starting to search for another therapist. It is time for me to get back to therapy. I really need someone to talk with..

Hope all is well...

Cyndra-- those baby dragon eggs hatched.. There are only 4 babies that survived.. They are adorable!!

However, since that first clutch, Sonic laid 20 more eggs.. which are expected to hatch in about three weeks from now..

Mandy and Milo are doing well.. Mandy is still the terror.. and Milo is well behaved.. However, it is like having a baby all over again. He wakes up every morning at 5:45 am.. !!!

The boys have a few more weeks of school left. Both kids went out of state this year for their class trips. My older son went to the Philadelphia Zoo -- I got to go along with him and his class since I was the class representative this year. It was great. Plus, my best friend is his teacher who is also his godmother..

My younger son went to the New York Aquarium at Coney Island, New York.

Hope all is well with you both..

love,
NEED

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