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**clownface.... need your help!!****
November 27, 2006
12:13 am
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needtoheal
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goodnight clown....

we will figure this out.. promise

and i am glad that i am not leaving this site...

thank you for being my sister

November 27, 2006
12:15 am
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needtoheal
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i will be around tomorrow night,...

going to do what you suggested

not mention anything about him hanging up on me tonight

nor bring up the lies....

November 27, 2006
12:18 am
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clownface
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NEED:

Don't let him know your vulnerbilities. He will attack you with this kind of information. Keep your weaknesses to yourself. He will play you like a deck of cards if you let him know what affects you.

If you don't remember anything else I have posted--REMEMBER THIS:DON'T REACT to him. He expects this from you--don't give it to him.

What is this stuff about sex? Does he not have a sex drive?

November 27, 2006
12:22 am
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needtoheal
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another control issue.. i think

but i did not let it bother me last night either

we will talk tomorrow

thanks clown..

thanks for putting a smile on my face today

we will figure out a plan for KH and LMan too...

November 27, 2006
12:29 am
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Okay dokie! I'm turing off the lights and going nitey nite with my sweet kitties snuggled close by 😮

November 27, 2006
9:39 pm
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needtoheal
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Just wanted to say hi... and I have been thinking of you....

hope all is well...

love,

NEED

November 27, 2006
10:48 pm
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clownface
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Hey Need;

Have had a difficult day. How are you doing?

November 27, 2006
11:17 pm
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needtoheal
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I AM OKAY... how are you?? want to talk??

November 28, 2006
12:22 am
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clownface
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are you still up?

November 28, 2006
12:34 am
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clownface
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Need:

sorry I missed you tonight. I am glad that you are doing okay. I am all mixed up right now. Really don't know what I want to do with kh. He is subtly putting pressure on me to make a decision about our future. I know for many reasons it would be the best decision,(financially) but honestly I know I would be miserable in a very short time. Lawyerman called last night and he wants to go out soon. Very nerdy, but very nice. KH is 14 yrs older than me; lawyerman is 10 yrs YOUNGER than me.

Had troulbe with my son tonight as well. I signed for his car loan and he is not making the payments--ruining my credit rating and now I am stuck making the payments- to the tune of 442.00. He is 25 yrs old and can easily make the pymts but just doesn't. Now I am going to have to pay for this.

LESSON: NEVER sign or co-sign for a loan unless you are prepared to pay for it. Even if it is a family member. I would have never dreamed he would have done this. I am so hurt by his actions.

November 28, 2006
7:35 am
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needtoheal
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clown~
Sorry that I missed you last night.. I am okay but feeling very mixed up...

I am sorry to hear that You are the one who has to make payments for the car loan.. Did your son offer to pay you back??

Did you agree to go out with lawyerman again? Maybe by going out with him will be more relaxing than being around Klunkhead and the pressure that he is putting on you now...

I went to my therapist yesterday. I told her that I am on the paxil. I don't think she thought that it was warranted because she asked me symptomatically why did I go to the doctor and say that I was depressed..? So I told her that I have been very weepy, as she knows, for two months now.. I also said that my eating and sleeping patterns have changed... I have lost over 20 pounds in two months...

Then I talked to her about pondscum. She just wants me to be cautious because it has always been a roller coaster ride with him.. and I do agree with that.. I told her that I did have fun and I was very relaxed with him.. and how the medicine seems to have smoothed out my reactions to him (which is how I can see that I had contributed to things in the past between us).. So she said "so what are you going to do.. just keep taking an anti-depressant?" I did not understand that comment.. Just by talking to her has not helped.. and at least the medicine is calming me down and I am not sad and crying all the time and if that is what I need right now then that is what I am going to do...

I talked to a girl that went through a deep depression who works with me. I told her what my therapist said and she asked me what does she want you to do... so I told her that my therapist said that it is okay for me to feel a loss and that I should not be detached and it is healthy for me to "feel the feelings".. But CLown, how much longer can this go on?? So I am going to continue to take the anti-depressant.......

As far as pondscum, well, I am not so sure about things with him... This is the stage where he is nice and tying to draw me back to him.. Yesterday he called me in the morning. Then he called after work while he was on his way to bowling.. and then called on his way back home from bowling. He told me that the friends that he lent that money to is getting kicked out of their house again.. This is the second time that these people have gotten kicked out of where they live.. I told him that I am not going to make any comments because I do not want to seem judgemental but there is a reason for that. I did not say this but it is also HIS problem that he lent these people money and he might not even see the rest that they owe him.. Maybe that is also why he was tired of running from me because things are not going well with these friends...

anyway, I hope that today is a much better day for you... I will have you in my thoughts and prayers..

Have a good day, clown...

~NEED~

November 28, 2006
11:45 am
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Need~ I hope you don't mind that I found you here.

I am here lurking, but I wanted to know more about the day with PS. You're definitely seeing the patterns in his behavior! That's great.

I'm not sure what your therapist meant about the anti-depressant comment. Maybe you should ask her about it. Ask her to clarify.

I'm guessing (HUGE guessing) that she may have meant are you going to take anti-depressants so you can stay with PS? Maybe that's what she was trying to say, but said it poorly.

I know what you mean about seeing things more clearly. I've talked to FIB several times, but I "see" what he does and says much clearer now that the crazy-making isn't going on in my own head.

I like being able to see things clearly, and it sound like you are seeing things with him much clearer. That's got to feel good!!

Clown~ How are you? Outside of KH and lawyerman and a son who needs his head bonked.

I think that getting to know lawyerman sounds like fun. Hey, what's wrong with a friendly toy? LOL

KH would make things easier for you financially, but do you really want him as a lifemate or a roommate? I know how it is when things are tight financially, and getting up off the car payment your son should be paying is not easy. Is there a way you can take the car from him until he pays you back for all the payments you've made? I know that seems harsh, but I don't think it's fair for you to be paying for a car that you aren't driving and he can afford.

Love to you both,
Cyndra

November 28, 2006
3:04 pm
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needtoheal
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Cyndra-- I am so happy that you did find me here... and I am glad that you are still lurking around.. The thought of you being gone from this site made me so upset..

I am feeling better today.. I took the paxil this early this morning and then my ADD medicine a few hours later which did not make me feel as sleepy...

November 28, 2006
5:13 pm
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cyndra820
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Need~ I think Paxil has a half life of two weeks. Meaning it takes two weeks to get into your system.

If you ever want to come off of it PLEASE do it under medical supervision.

I will be quieter. I don't want to completely leave. I think Mich is angry with me, and that's okay. She has a lot on her plate. I understand the anger.

I'm just coping. I've been lurking on the Charmer/Abuser thread. Ladeska has some powerful insights. Lolli is right, it is a tough place. If you want tough love, they've got it, but it's not harsh. If that makes any sense.

Don't let PS know your weaknesses. Don't give him anything you don't want him to have. I don't know what he's trying to do, but if your gut says no, follow it.

How are the boys? I miss hearing about them. I know they give you so much strength. How's Mandy? Is she still being her little terrier self?

I love you Need (you too Cown, wherever you are). I'm not going anywhere. Just quieter.

Clown~ Thank you for saying you liked the insights I gave you. Sometimes I can't be certain if I'm being of any help to anyone aside from myself. I really appreciated that.

I'll talk to you later.

Love,
Cyn

November 28, 2006
5:43 pm
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needtoheal
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Cyndra-- that is correct.. paxil does take two weeks to "kick in"..

Read and Listen to what Ladeska has to say... Every now and then when I am feeling weak I go over to the Charmer thread and it gives me strength...

The boys are doing well... thanks for asking.. No complaints..

Mandy, on the other hand, is definitely being the terrier... She is doing well... I cannot believe she has been with us for three months now..

As far as Pondscum, well, I don't quite know what is his intentions but that is not my focus.(Dangling the carrot!!).. I did have a good time with him but I know that he cannot meet my needs...

He admitted to me that he does not have a sex drive... so I laughed to myself when he took off his clothes and hopped into my bed...

Cyndra-- you are a wonderful friend and have a lot to offer..and you have been very helpful to me and I also know to Clownface too..

I care about you Cyndra.. and I am so thankful that you are still here...

Please post whenever you want.. You know where to find me.. and Clownface...

thank you Cyndra..

Clown~

Hope that your day is going well for you...

Love you both,

NEED

November 28, 2006
8:03 pm
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Anonymous
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Hi Need, clown, and cyndra,

It was insiteful to read through what you are going through. That don't Do Not React thing really hits home. I guess I have another book to put on my list.

November 28, 2006
10:14 pm
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clownface
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Hi Friends!

Sorry to be so late getting here tonight!` Anybody still around? Before I pour out my sage I wanna make sure someone is hear to LISTEN! LOL
Cyn~I'm SSSSOOOOOOO glad you're lurking!!!!

November 28, 2006
10:23 pm
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clownface
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Opps! That's suppose to be SAGA NOT sage!!! In other words 'hurl my guts' to you! Anothr difficult day but it ended in PURE joy!!!

November 29, 2006
12:06 am
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needtoheal
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CLOWN--

SORRY i AM LATE..BUT HERE

November 29, 2006
12:13 am
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needtoheal
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Clown~~

so sorry I was late... fell asleep early when the boys went to bed and just got up now (midnight).. so I wanted to check here,... and unfortunately I missed you....sorry

I wanted to hear about your SAGE..LOL

November 29, 2006
1:05 am
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ggfred4
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Need? i am up..

November 29, 2006
8:33 am
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cyndra820
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Clown~ Whenever you want to pour out that sage 🙂 we're here. I know that between KH and LM you have a lot on your mind. Spill. Besides, I'm only dating vicariously now.

Need~ Thanks for that wonderful comment. I sometimes wonder if I am of any help!! LOL Glad the boys are well. Mandy is just going to drive you crazy for the next two years. At least she's crate trained!! My Scottie was selective about her crate. She'd use it sometimes but preferred to sleep with me. Not easy when your legs are four inches long!!

Artist~ Hi there. I don't think I've seen you before, but I'm glad we have given you something to think about. Not reacting can be the hardest thing next to having absolutely no contact with them.

All right ladies, have a great day. I'm not lurking very much am I? LOL

Love,
Cyndra

November 29, 2006
8:56 am
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needtoheal
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Hi Cyndra~
I am soooo glad that you are not lurking anymore.. I love hearing from you... How are you doing? How's your Mom? And how is FIB?

I am feeling good this morning.. I am so glad that I decided to get this anti-depressant.. It has really calmed me down.

I am not sure if you remember me talking about this on the sister thread but when I went home early from work one day a friend of mine told me "don't let anyone do this to you"...(meaning pondscum)... She told me that depression runs in her family and she could recognize it when she would see me.. Well, turns that her BROTHER killed himself.. It is so sad..

Thank you Cyndra for being there for me..

Clown~

I agree with Cyndra...SPILL... We want to hear the sage!!

Artist~
Thanks for posting here.. It was good to hear from you...

Love to all~
NEED

November 29, 2006
8:36 pm
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clownface
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Oaky ready or not, here comes the SAGE!!!

Is anybody around before I hurl my guts??

November 29, 2006
8:54 pm
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clownface
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Need, Cyndra and anybody else that has the courage to read!

1. I had to pay off the loan that my son promised to pay. I sold stocks and now am out 18,500.00.. He does not know this and the bank agreed to put what pymts he should happen to make, into my checking acct. MORAL to the story: DON"T sign on a note for anyone unless you are ready, willing and able to pay it off yourself. I try to tell myself it's only money.

2. KH is driving me crazy! He is calling at all hrs and subtly putting pressure on me to move in my house, work, things out, he retires and work until I'm 82 while he travels and lives off the 'rich bitch' He called me tonite and said, " Yes, I am ready to go to dinner, come pick me up and I will allow you to treat me to dinner and you will have the pleasure of my wonderful company!" Honest to GOD, that is exactly what he said, how he started the conversation, when I answered the phone with a simple, "HELLO."

3. Lawyerman, on the other hand, called last night, asked ME to dinner for Thursday or Friday evening, my choice and do you think he would even entertain thoughts of me paying for it? NOT.

4. LM also asked me to attend the firm's Christmas party with him on the 9th. This is like a hugh statement! He is a partner in the firm. My daughter was an associate lawyer in the same firm for the past several yrs. She since has moved to a different area of law. Point is, this is a small town and folks will be scratching their heads wondering what LM is doing with Sarah's Mom!!!

5. So you may be asking what am I gonna do? One thing I must explain, KH still has some control over me. I know if he finds out about LM, he will shut me out, trying to punish me, yet again. So why do I care??? Good question. I guess co-dep. habits are really hard to break.

I AM GOING TO GO WITH LAWYERMAN AND HAVE A GOOD TIME. I NOT GOING TO TEL KH ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, B/C HE HAS NO RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT I AM DOING. He said that we have no 'exclusivity' with each other & he really thought I should go out with other guys to see what I have and then I will really appreciate him. GAG!!!

Okay have I hurled enough? Please excuse any typos b/c I don't feel like taking the time to go back and check for them!

Love to all~

Clown~ with a little sage :-O

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