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**clownface.... need your help!!****
November 26, 2006
11:04 pm
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needtoheal
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hi clown...

i was wondering if you are here...

November 26, 2006
11:17 pm
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needtoheal
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pondscum.....

Saturday-- I met him at the door of the bowling alley.. We hugged.. he said that I looked beautiful as always... and he stayed to watch me bowl...

then we went to my house to drop off his car and take Mandy out for a walk before going to the movies.

well it was too late to go to the movies so we went over to Blockbuster but did not find a movie to rent..

so we went back to the house and he stayed over with me.. Nothing sexual happened.. although I wonder why... but it did not matter to me at all...

I was just making observations about us both...

Got up.. He went to get bagels and invited me to his house for breakfast...

It was awkward to go there.. He did not tell his MOmmy that I was coming so when she answered the door she gave me a half smile... and invited me in...

The paxil is working.. or I at least feel calmer..

I am not as impulsive with my thoughts and words...

so I was quiet around him today...

We got out of his house for a while and went shopping... just looked around and I got some video games for the boys...

He put his arm around me several times..

Then we went back to his house and had something to eat for lunch..

We then went upstairs and cuddled while watching tv... it was just like it used to be....

there is more that I do not understand but I will post more after I hear from you...

Even if Mich and GG leave this site I don't know if I am going to leave..

I am so lost... and what a time to be lost...

thanks for reading and listening....

love,
NEED

November 26, 2006
11:17 pm
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clownface
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Hi Need!

How are you?

November 26, 2006
11:21 pm
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needtoheal
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hey girl... ok

but confused

November 26, 2006
11:23 pm
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clownface
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Wowie-wow-wow!!

Is he making a move for you or what?

Here's what I think.......

He is missing you just as much as you miss him. Why would he be hanging around so much? Do you think that you could have a very honest conversation with him about what the problems were in the relationship prior to the split?

Could he handle the conversation in a mature way?

I read in another thread that you enjoyed being with him? So why deny yourself a relationship IF you think there is hope it might work this time. Obviously, you BOTH enjoyed watching TV together,etc.

November 26, 2006
11:25 pm
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needtoheal
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I did have a great time with him but clown I had explained to him the other night that I am not feeling well (did not tell him about taking anti-depressants)...

just confused because he continues to lie to me and it bothers me... then he hangs up the phone whenever he is confronted...

and then i think i am wasting my time

November 26, 2006
11:30 pm
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By the way~

I have been with Klunkhead all day and talked with lawyerman tonight too. I am afraid I am heading into a real mess.

Lawyerman is a very nice guy, but I just can't see myself "with him/with him" if you know what I mean.

On the other hand, Klunkhead, expects me to pay for everything and then some. I enjoy his company bt feel myself building resentment towards him.

Now here's a dilema!! I invited lawyerman to my daughter's upcoming wedding. He accepted to go as my guest. Back when we mailed the invitations, (8 weeks ago) Klunkhead got one too. He said he would not be attending the wedding. TODAY he tells me he IS going to go to the wedding too. YIKES!! Now what am I gonna do????

November 26, 2006
11:31 pm
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needtoheal
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Yeah and the paxil has calmed me down a lot...

his friends called today and he told her a lie that he could not come to their house for dinner... he did not mention that he was with me...

then later on the cell phone rang again,, he did not answer and i was willing to leave the room

so then later he looked at the phone and clown he lied

he said that "yup.. it was them calling me .... (meaning the friends)

then tonight after bowling he called me...

he bowls with this friend (the DJ -- and his wife was the one who called him to invite him over for dinner and these are the people that have borrowed a lot of money from him0)

anyway, he said tonight on the phone he did not tell them that he was with me because she would have said that oh, then both of you come over...

(plus he said that they got kicked out of their apartment again,... I just told him that there is a reason for that ,,, this is the second time since the summer.. which is none of my business,.. this is his friends and I do not make comments)

November 26, 2006
11:31 pm
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clownface
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What kind of lies have you caught PS in?

November 26, 2006
11:35 pm
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needtoheal
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so that lie I can understand..

but then when the cell phone went off again... he said that it was them calling...

then tonight after bowling on the phone he said that it was NOT them.. he said that he did not say that.. I said that he did.. so then who was it.. and he said that it was joe== another friend that he bowls with,,,

HMMMMMM>>>>>>>>>>

and i told him that before we go out again that I was very depressed and i wanted to know if he is seeing someone or talking to someone..because I do not want to find out later on that is true

rather let go knowing the truth than to hang on and get hurt more????

WOW!!! so now Klunkhead and Lawyerman are going to your daughter's wedding?? YIKES!!!!!!!

November 26, 2006
11:35 pm
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clownface
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Perhaps he told the friends that b/c he did not want to share you with them.

Why is he getting kicked out of his apt? Not paying rent? If not this, how is he lending folks $$$$? or is this a debt from long ago? Do you think he is making a pay to move into your place?

I'm glad the Paxil is working for you. It is a good drug. I willl read the PI on it tomorrow to see what all it says.

November 26, 2006
11:38 pm
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clownface
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OPPS! that should be "PLAY" to move into your place?

November 26, 2006
11:40 pm
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needtoheal
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paxil seems to calm me down and calm my impulsivity, that is what contributed to a lot of our problems,, that i do admit...

he is not getting kicked out of the apartment.. he still lives with his parents... THE friends-- the DJ and wife with three kids-- are getting kicked out for the second time since summer.. they have used him for money...

I do not make comments about them

so I don't know... I so doubt that he is involved with someone

but I hate that he hung up the phone because I questioned him

cuts me off and runs

that is typical of him

and before he left for bowling he gave me a hug and a kiss....kiss

so confusing...

and then he leaves the night with hanging up on me...

November 26, 2006
11:43 pm
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needtoheal
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that is what I hate...

he does not want to face things when he does something like that to me'

and i told him that I hate being lied to,,,more than anything

now i want to run away again

honestly i just wanted to see what it would be like with him after not being around him for two months....

and with this medicine I can see that it does calm me down...

November 26, 2006
11:45 pm
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needtoheal
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Do you think that Klunkhead will go to the wedding? Do you think he is serious?? Does he know that your family hates him... so he usually does not go to things with your family around......??

Hey clown... Ma strong called this the enlightening stage>>>????

November 26, 2006
11:49 pm
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It sounds like he is punishing you for something. I'm not sure for what though. He is definitely doing the push/pull thing.

I would like to make a suggestion.

DON'T react to him.

If he wants to have control, give it to him. People rarely know what to do it with it, when it is given freely. See what he does, with it. Secret is, he MUST be convinced that you really don't care.

If you haven't read the book--Why Men love Bitches, then get it. I have utilized the practices in the book with lawyerman, and boy, do they work!

For example: Don't be so readily available for him. YOU, end phone conversations before he does. Don't make him angry with any questioning. If he says something that would normally get a rise out of you, DON'T do it. Just remain calm and turn the conversation to a mundane topic.

November 26, 2006
11:50 pm
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needtoheal
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he is just so quick to get so mad...

I know that he has missed me

but i don't know if I want to continue being around him

and get hurt again

November 26, 2006
11:55 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks that is helpful;

When we were in the car last night he got mad again at me because i asked him where was his cell phone;.. he said that he left it at home''

clown.. he did that on purpose

he would not want me looking at his phone

it is all weird because i even made a comment about sex... and he said that he does not have a desire.. and i said that i should not even care if he is talking to other women,,

he punished me because i asked him about who was on the phone

and he lied

and that is what he does,, clown

that is why i gave back the engagement ring

and the other night when i talked to him before we went out I told him to tell me the truth

he could have told me the truth that it was joe today who called but he did not .... he said it was the other friends..;

does not matter

i am glad that i was not too emotionally attached today

November 26, 2006
11:56 pm
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Klunkhead does NOT know the extent of the disdain my family feels for him. He is narcissitic to the highest degree and is not capable of thinking that ANYONE would not think he is as GREAT as he thinks he is!!!

Yes, he will come to the wedding but I sure hope he does not come to the dinner afterwards. If he does, then he's gonna see me with lawyerman. That is gonna be a real problem.

WHY, you may be asking??? B/c I have sorta lead KH to think that MAYBE things may work out between us. He is clueless to lawyerman.

But let me clarify things: Neither KH or I have claims to exclusivity so I have nothing to explain. He does not deserve any explainations. If anyone does, it would be lawyerman.

GOOD GRIEF! I think I have myself a real brew-ha-ha a comin'

November 26, 2006
11:59 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks for the suggestions.. and i will look at that book too...

clown-- thanks for reading and listening and your advice...

i cannot imagine leaving here,,,

i don;t think that i can do it right now like mich and gg want to do..

thanks for looking up the paxil

it does make me a little sleepy

but it is good medicine

it is also used to help treat ocd

although it is not that I am obessesive../compulsive with him

i talk about him because i need help in that area of my life

rambling on... sorry to keep u up so late...

i am going to bed.... thanks again clown

love ya

NEED

November 27, 2006
12:02 am
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needtoheal
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I agree with you about KH not needing any explanation at all... I was just wondering ....

maybe Lawyerman can have an explanation that KH is the old boyfriend that did not work out ....

November 27, 2006
12:03 am
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clownface
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Okay, I'm getting a clearer picture here.

PS left his phone at home so you couldn't see his history of calls.

IS he seeing someone else? If you continue to see him, DON"T question him. You have to get to a placethat you simply son't care. He is so accustomed to you reacting to calls, questioning him, etc, that he reacts by getting angry at you.

Going ahead, YOU need to simply enjoy the moment and not look ahead or expect anything more. See what happens when you take this approach. He won't know how to act. REMEMBER: Men like the chase. One they catch the prize the challenge is gone. You MUST remain the challenge. You don't care what he does, You only care about you.
Watch him jump like a rabbit when you assume this attitude!!

I'm telling you, it works. And when you have this attitude, you won't care what he is doing b/c he will be too busy pursuing you....

Does that make sense??? If you read the afor mentioned book, it will make a good deal of sense.

November 27, 2006
12:08 am
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needtoheal
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i understand.. i doubt that he is talking to someone other than the one friend who i did not want in my life... she is also the lie that caused me to give the ring back....

i think he left the phone home JUST to get a reaction out of me...again

and i did not react ...

i tried tonight not to react but he lied again... so he was covering up whoever called him today when i was with him.... this is what I HATE

because

November 27, 2006
12:11 am
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needtoheal
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because I was stupid and told him

that i have been depressed and that

i could not go out with him if he is

talking to someone,... and i think

he left it home on purpose to plant

the doubt

and then lied tonight...about who called

was another doubt

it is like he wants to plant doubt

when i told him that if that happens

it will make me worse/depression

so does he want to throw me over the edge'

sure is not for sex

and that is weird too

November 27, 2006
12:12 am
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Thanks, Need. I am grateful that you have elected NOT to leave this site. I am so sorry Cyndra is gone. I so enjoyed and gained form her insight.

Sleep well, my friend and we'll chat again tomorrow night.
I will be traveling the roads and wil probably not get in until after 7.

One more thing~ Last yr Lawyerman saw me at the firm's Christmas party with Klunkhead, as my daughter practices at the same firm. They're both gonna know who the other one is, I fear!!! KH may not remember lawyerman, but I am sure LM will remember KH!!!

Okay, now I've got a headache just thinking about it all. And I am the one giving my daughter away. I don't want this drama at this very special event.

Good night~
Clown

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