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Clouded1
March 2, 2006
5:23 pm
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Clouded1
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Let me start by saying sorry about the whining i'm about to instill on this web site. But all I can do is sit back and watch my wife walk out the door. She has surrounded herself with people that are we shall say not fans of mine, even though they don't know me. The only one that should have anything to say about me is her daughter, & even then she never appreciated me & the things that I have done for her in the past. I guess the best thing for me to do is to walk away! But I love her so, so much & can see a great future with her, she has agreed to go to counseling for just to apease the situation. I guess the addage says it best: If you love someone, let them go, if they return it was meant to be. Unfortunately, I'm sure she has not read the same type of forgive books that I have...So there you go right down the toilet!

March 2, 2006
7:45 pm
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gingerleigh
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Hi Clouded.

Tough spot to be in, very sad. I'm sorry you are going through this.

You mentioned counseling for yourself and your wife... what about counseling just for you, to give you a chance to focus on your own healing?

March 2, 2006
8:09 pm
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Clouded1
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I am also doing that as well...So I have all area's covered, but for the life of I can not figure out, except for her listening to everyone else why she won't give this whole thing a try. I could see if I said that I was willing to do anything & not did anything. But at least if you give this thing a chance and let it run its own course than with mediation you feel like you are doing something besides saying i'm tired! This thing really came out of the blue, we have had confrontations before but who hasn't, you say tour words, accept and move on, it seems she just let it all pile up on her. What really bunches my shorts, is that she has told her children that we were getting divorced & I had to find that out through my step sons girlfriend. That is really crappy. She had told me that she wanted a divorce but she still loves me & is confused & wanted time to think. I am absolutely heart broken over losing the women I expected to live the rest of my life with. I am pretty much a loner, I have a few friends & my 13 yr old son but they live 80 miles away, I decided to move here to be with my wife & her family & friends, it's not like I can even pack up and move cause I put the house in my name to get a cheaper interest rate...Where is the justice in this world?

March 2, 2006
8:18 pm
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gingerleigh
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Justice does not exist in this world... at least not in the way that we grow up believing that it should. Neither does luck. The asshole who used to beat us up in high school will actually grow up to be a hot shot lawyer with a gorgeous wife and three perfect children. The girl who broke our hearts or teased us about our non-brand-name jeans will end up being a super model and will have retired by the time she's 30. And the nerdy guy who used to get punched in the locker room will end up mopping bathroom floors for a living and playing computer games in his mother's basement in his off hours.

We have to make our own luck. I hate it that life isn't fair. I'm so sad for you that you're alone and isolated right now. I'm sorry that you feel like she has all the power and all the control. What can you do to take some control back over your own life and circumstances?

March 2, 2006
9:15 pm
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Clouded1
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I have no say so what so ever as far as she is concerned. I don't even try and call her anyomre cause I know she won't answer my calls, and for that matter my emails either. I ask her question like and she doesn't ever answer the questions. I am just so low right now that all I feel like doing is being isolated. I go to my counseling sessions, & works for the hour that I am there. After that I just come home, & watch t.v. & try to communicate with people on these threads. I do have great people that call me, for support but all I want to do is talk things through with her, but that won't happen.

March 3, 2006
12:38 pm
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gingerleigh
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So she's definitely outside your sphere of influence at this time. You can't control her, only yourself. Taking back control of your life (and I mean control of YOUR life, not of HER or HER LIFE) can start with the smallest of steps. Can you do one tiny thing today to shake up your routine? You do need to eat, right? Would you normally drive someplace to get food? How about instead if you walk? If the store is a mile or two away, it would get you out of the house... take a walkman with you if you want to listen to music and make it more pleasurable.

March 3, 2006
6:46 pm
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Clouded1
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I here you & totally understand about taking back the control in my life & her life is her life. I normally stay pretty busy, but i've just had surgery, so i'm limited, i do have plans to see a friend play tennis tomorrow, & have lunch & a movie with my son the next day. Not much else to say I guess!

March 3, 2006
7:09 pm
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gingerleigh
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Oh wow, what you're going through is hard enough without having the added physical stresses of the surgery piled on top! Go easy with yourself. You are doing so well just to be able to talk about how you are feeling. Give yourself a pat on the back for that.

I hope that you feel better soon after your surgery. I had major surgery a few years back and was out of commission for about 6 weeks afterwards, and I felt so low about EVERYTHING. Hang in there, and enjoy the movie!

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