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cliques and exclude....let's see....
May 21, 2007
11:58 am
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bevdee
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Hi Rewind-

nice to meet you. I believe it's ok to lurk too, if that is what you are comfortable doing.

(((Rewind))) - I'm puzzling over your name.

May 21, 2007
12:33 pm
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balancesekr
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September 27, 2010
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I just wanted to post on this thread and thank everyone who posts to me. I feel guilty sometimes that I don't take enough time to read other peoples threads sometimes but when I do have time I post as much as I can to anyone who I feel I can offer something to.

Some posts, I read, and then read the advice others have given and when I know there is not much more I can offer, I will check out other threads.

Sometimes I don't want to interrupt a thread that is solely two people back and forth.

Sometimes, I get ignored when I post to someone, but its OK. I am not posting just to get accolades. I know I can be guilty sometimes of not acknowledging every person, but I do try.

So again, thanks everyone and when I see your thread and think I can help, I will be there for you!

May 22, 2007
5:15 pm
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bevdee
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Loverbee

I haven't seen it implied that anyone was needy…

"but sometimes that there are people that are in need of help and bumping up those threads that are looking for people do tend to overshadow some so lets just all be aware and try to be sensitive to everyone here."

The few times I have posted serious threads over here on support, I got responses. Although not an overwhelming volume of responses, I was overwhelmed, nonetheless. Because, in posting, I explored and shared my very personal feelings. I went public (in an anonymous forum) and I was not rebuffed or rejected. I took what was to me a huge risk, and I got feedback. Because those people have posted to me, and continue to do so- to say hey in passing, or to share part of themselves with me, I appreciate that.

Tend to overshadow some - I am wondering about the differences in communication styles here. Some folks are more timid than others. Some just appear and say hi- and wait. Some aren't- they just out right say- I need support. Some, like Isis stated, need the contact or reassurance, maybe not ready to share all their feelings. I'm kind of halfway in between- I do this emotional regurgitation and post, then kind of wait to see what responses and feedback I might get.

The subject of threads with poster's names keeps coming up. There are so many of those- with everyone's names on them, but I don't observe them all being *chatty* all the time. I read them and I have learned a lot from reading, sort of eavesdropping- on them. I've noticed a couple that have come up even after the topic was discussed in this thread as being against the guidelines.

I still say that if a person relies solely on this site for help from emotional desperation, they might be disappointed.

And you know, I hate to just keep belaboring this point, because I have made it very clear, but it is really really hard for me to respond to an I wanna end it all post, because of my childhood. So- if someone comes on the support side with a post like that, I choose not to respond to it. Because I will likely say something really bad bad inappropriate- it is the way I am hardwired. So- I don't respond. This may be viewed by others as cold and insensitive, but believe me I have put a lot of thought into leaving the site vs. staying because of my reactions to it. That, and the fact that I am not here in a professional capacity. I am here for myself. I believe though , that the ongoing discussions I have with some posters benefits me- and possibly the person I am discussing with- or they wouldn't be continuing. Perhaps I am not the only one with these thoughts, as I see some ongoing threads- some that have continued for months and even years.

My decision to not respond is of utmost respect and sensitivity to a poster bumping for attention, given the way it makes me feel, and given the way I have itched to respond.

Loverbee? If I am on the site, and exchanging ideas or even sharing my day or silly jokes, with another person- in your opinion, would it be more sensitive to that poster for me to stop that which might be helping me, even if not in way that is obvious to someone else? Or for the others who have the ongoing relationship angst posts? The journey out of codep with addicts? Those dealing with the decision to leave a marriage? Those wanting to discuss careers? Those folks might not seem to be as at the end of their rope as others, but you never know- it's hard to know on an anonymous forum how desparate someone actually is. Whether they state it or not. Pain is pain, and can't be measured with any one else's yardstick. Recovery is recovery and people do that at different rates and in different ways.

And that's what I like about the site. That there is something here for everyone. And I like that it might not be where I expect it.

And there is no way I could post to everyone. Think if everyone did that! The server wouldn't be able to hold all of it. And I would never have time to work at my job!

So I don't really know what you mean when you say "that there are people that are in need of help and bumping up those threads that are looking for people do tend to overshadow some so lets just all be aware and try to be sensitive to everyone here."

Is it a clique only when the individual using the word has a sense of isolation? Or is it support when that group supports the individual?

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