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Christmas!!!! Self care
December 1, 2008
7:30 am
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courage to change
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I have decided to start a thread, conscerned with looking after me for the next couple of weeks.

Because I am codependent, this time of year sends me into all sorts of emotions. Spending too much on others. Getting into contact with the wrong people. Eating and drinking the wrong food. Parties. Lack of sleep. You name it. Others are free to do what they want, but I want to be kind and good to myself.

So I have made a promise to myself to do the best I can in looking after me through christmas. This does not mean I will not help others. But I am no good to any one else, unless I help myself

xxx

December 1, 2008
7:32 am
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courage to change
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Todays aim in self care is:

Try to sleep 8 hours
Drink 1 litre of water.

Focus on my work and do the best I can.

I will focus on the good things in life, when at work and will not get drawn into the dramas of others life.

🙂

December 1, 2008
10:46 am
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truthBtold
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ctc,

Hoo Boy, your name says it all 🙂

Great thread!

Hey, maybe it might turn into an on-going thread for tips/support like the "No Contact" threads are/used to be, you know? Where we can support each other thru the holidays by remianing true to ourselves and promoting self care.

You know, for YEARS I used to work myself up into an absolute frenzy over the holidays in trying to buy the perfect gift etc....

No more.

Matter of fact, just this past summer, I threw away my large box of gift wrapping paper because it was so symbolic of always putting other poeple first to an unhealthy degree.

I remember it felt good to watch the trash men empty it and carry it away.

A real liberating moment!!!!

🙂

Now, if I feel compelled to buy something - I stick to a pair of nice, warm socks. Been looking on-line at Cabela's and L L Bean.

And - that's it.

Socks.

I remember reading a great little book many years ago by Wayne Dyer entitled: No More Holiday Blues.

If you are interested, you can still buy it used via amazon starting at 1 cent. Here's the link, FYI:

Keep up the good work!

December 1, 2008
11:02 am
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atalose
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Courage, great thread, thank you!

You nailed it when you said I am codependent so this time of year sends us into all sorts of emotions. Over spending has always been a problem for me at this time of year.

I do get thoughts of contact the wrong people for me, like an ex or an old friend that really did me wrong. For a long time I felt the need to be the bigger person, prove I have moved on, etc. etc. I also know myself enough that if those kind of thoughts remain in my head I will eventually act on them. I have learned that I am the bigger person and I don’t have to prove that to anyone but myself.

I am going to focus on NOT spending too much, NOT eating to much and taking care of me!

Thank you again for this thread, what a great way to keep reminding each other to stay away from the old traps that would always get us.

((((courage))))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

December 1, 2008
1:25 pm
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courage to change
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Have done the best I can for today.

Although, I found it difficult to remain focused

Still have more work to do 2 more hours then done.

xxx

December 1, 2008
4:00 pm
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What a GREAT thread Courage! It certainly opens my eyes to some behavior that I didn't realize that was realy self-destructive.

One of my trouble area is obsessing over the perfect gift for everyone. However, I think my biggest fear this year is the temptation to contact my EX and his parents. I mean I am fairly certain that I wont but the desire to is sooo strong.

I have much poing on in my life this Holiday season and I need all the support that I can get. Thank you for starting this much needed thread.

I hope that everyone has a successful journey this holiday season!

((((All of Us))))

Precious

December 1, 2008
4:33 pm
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courage to change
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Hi Everyone

Thank you to you all for adding to this thread. Its so nice to know that I am not the only one, with my emotions playing games on me.

It would be so good if we could support each other during these times.

xxx

December 1, 2008
4:36 pm
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pinky
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Yes courage! Thank you 🙂 you are so right. This time of year feels tense for me. Will my boyfriend attend Christmas with me although I'm catholic and he believes in nothing. Will my family give me a hard time for not visiting often what gifts should I get particular people..etc. I feel so overwhelmed so I love this thread.
I will take care of me first. Because if I don't do it who will..right?
Thanks again courage.

December 1, 2008
5:18 pm
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Courage, you are not alone and I am certainly gald that I am not alone either!

Thanks again. This season is getting of to nice start already! 🙂

Precious

December 1, 2008
5:57 pm
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sad sack
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Hi my dear friend, Courage,

Yes, I agree that this a great idea for a thread. Holiday time is always a very stressful time for me. I don't want to come across as a Scrooge, but I wish I could just skip right over the holidays.

This time of year always brings up such sad and painful memories (the untimely passing of my brother and the death of my dad). I tend to put on a happy face but inside I feel so very melencholy.

In terms of gifts, I no buy any for the adults in my life. I do buy a few for the children and grandchildren of friends. We stopped exchanging gifts when we all realized that we were really just exchanging money. We started to see it as an obligation and it took the joy out it. Aside from that, both my brother and I, are on a budget so it started to become a financial burden for the both of us. I guess we all (my family and I) got to the point that we no longer enjoy the commercialism of Christmas (what happened to the religious significance of the holiday???). We just get together and try to have a pleasant day.

For me, the way I will treat myself well is to try to focus on the positives in my life. I tend to be very negative this time of year and it only makes me blue. In addition to all I have shared, I believe I have a touch of seasonal affective disorder. I am not crazy about the extreme cold and do not like that it gets dark so early. See - I am being very negative!!! I cannot deny my feelings. But I will make an attempt to keep busy and deal with what is bringing me down. In addition, I will keep up with my exercise routine. During the week, it is a struggle to go as often as I would like (because of my job), but I always feel better afterward. I will also try to maintain good, healthy eating habits (easier said than done during the holidays).

Well anyway, courage, I wish you the most joyous holiday season ever!!! You are doing great and always serve as an inspiration to me!!!.

sad

December 1, 2008
8:33 pm
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This months Flylady habit is to pamper ourselves every day. Doesn't have to be a day at the spa but just taking extra time to apply special lotion, or to drink all the water we are supposed to. This month is take care of me.

Bitsy

December 1, 2008
9:52 pm
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bblue
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If we feel we have to give - why not a toy to the children's hospital or ward...? Can even be used as long as it is in good condition

I am finding this year hard - financial constraints, uncertainty in my life and relationship..

I believe I will treat myself to something just for me but not costly...

I will also treat myself with the gift of respect - for me...

BBlue

December 2, 2008
2:06 am
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CraigCo
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Good thread. I need to make a change myself in how much I spend on gifts this year and to as go easy on the consumption of Xmas buzzard with all the fixins. Mostly, I'm sick of blowing the wad of cash & then having to be so frugal thru Jan.

This is the first Christmas on my own since being separated. It seems kind of surreal. What with the kids grown up & gone & being single again. I don't even feel like putting up a tree, let alone celebrating. Christmas has always been a big deal for me & my fam so, this is unchartered territory for me.

Although the annual family Christmas is being hosted by my sister this year, I don't really care to attend & I've never missed a single festive get-together before. Trouble is, I know that my mom will feel hurt if I'm not there so, it's a bit of a dilemma for me in that regard.

So, it's walk on eggshells & tolerate my volatile sister or upset my mother.
Not that mom would ever hold a grudge mind you. She's just not like that.

Guess I'm going to have to think about this one for awhile as my mother's happiness is something that is quite important to me.

Season's greetings, yawl!

December 2, 2008
6:24 am
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bonni
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i want to put together a more frugal holiday budget too. i believe that its the thought that counts anyway. most people i know have too much clutter anyway. i also want to be sure to include the people in my life that help me have a better life. There is a lady at work who always helps with my admin hr stuff and i want to give her something. there are the people who care for my kids in school and afterschool programs. you know? i have two relatives going through divorce and I want to send care packages to them. it all starts to add up. I think a budget will help a lot.

December 2, 2008
9:35 am
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atalose
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CraigCo,

Why not plan something special to do with just your mom for the holidays something doesn’t include your volatile sister. Take your mom out to dinner or a show, something just for the two of you.

Something I have learned is when I really don’t feel like doing something or going some where I need to really ask myself why. If it’s because of another person’s behavior and that behavior is not violent but emotional toxic, then that means I am still avoiding, rather then controlling my own emotions. It always falls on my own reactions to these toxic people and controlling my reactions. I don’t have to be toxic back. I can just be, I don’t have to react like I have in the past. I don’t have to defend, stick up for or get sucked in to THEIR drama. And I found that the less I reacted the less toxic they were.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

December 2, 2008
1:09 pm
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courage to change
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Thank you all so much. I realize we all have to do what is right for us.

Today, Ive been getting ever so stressed out. My boyfriend has loaned me his car for the week. Very kind of him. Ive scratched it when reversing. Its not extreme markings. But im giving myself a hard time and my head is all fuzzy. I havent told him yet. I know its his favourite car.

Not too sure how Im going to explain this one. I will offer to have it sprayed. But didnt really want the financially implications around xmas really. Not too sure what im likely to do.

xxx

December 2, 2008
4:30 pm
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sad sack
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Hi Courage,

I was so sorry to read that you had a minor accident with your bf's car.

In terms of what to do next- to me, it is so very simple.

Tell him immediately. Apologize and take full responsibility. Tell him you will pay whatever it costs to repair the demage.

Of course, the timing is not the best. No one appreciates an unexpected expense. But, accidents do happen and you must assume full responsibility.

It is simply the right thing to do.

Please keep us posted. I have no doubt that your bf will understand.

Sad

December 3, 2008
7:04 am
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bonni
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((courage))

((Bitsy)) why do i keep taking two steps forward and two steps back?

bonni

December 3, 2008
7:22 am
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Bonni I had dinner with a friend last night. She told me to look where I was a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. You are not in the same place. Every day in every way I am (we are) getting better and better

Bitsy

December 3, 2008
7:32 am
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bonni
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((Bitsy))
i'm so glad you are part of my cyberlife. you are right. a week ago i was waking up with thoughts i wanted to push away. today i woke up without them. maybe tomorrow I will too.

what are you going to do today to take care of yourself? I need to check my flymail. there are probably daily missions that would inspire me to take better care of me. probably i should go clean my sink.

December 3, 2008
8:18 am
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truthBtold
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Courage,

With regards to the scratch, I agree with what sad sack had to say.

In addition, if the scratch is a minor one, I have used a 'rubbing compound' in the past that you can get at any auto supply store. You apply the compound, let it dry and then just buff it out. (It's been a while since I've done this, but I think that that is the procedure.)

tBt

December 3, 2008
10:12 am
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Today I took Baby Boy Dog to the groomers for the first time. It isn't exactly pampering me but it is making me feel good. I am going back on my RealAge Meal Plan as of today. Thanksgiving is over and I want to be able to indulge a bit over Christmas. Yesterday, I spread my dad's ashes but I also put the Christmas Wreaths on the door.

Bonni fix yourself a pot of tea (not a cup heated in the microwave) Go through the ritual of making it in a pot. Add milk (not cream) and a little sugar. Be sure to drink it out of the fanciest cup you have and just take 15 minutes for YOU!

Bitsy

December 3, 2008
10:36 am
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bonni
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Thanks Bitsy, I will do that right now.

December 3, 2008
10:45 am
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Hey let's come up with something every day this month for us...something as simple as putting heavier lotion arouund our cuticles at bed time or using better smelling fancy soap. My aunt goes to the casino's all the time and brings back the fancy soaps from the room. There is one I love that has oatmeal in it and she keeps me well supplied. A lot of this can be gotten at the healthfood store for a lot less. I have a friend who buys this one soap for her guest bath every winter and I love the way my hands smell.

Bitsy

December 3, 2008
12:02 pm
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truthBtold
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Hey all. I just have to chime in here since the subject right now is on soaps.

I have an absolute great web site where you can purchase the best soaps!

They look like gem stones and they are called soap rocks.

Here's the link if you want to check it out:

http://www.tspink.com/html/Cir.....eoSoap.htm

About time for me to order another one soon. They are absolutely beautiful and well worth the price to have something pretty to look at in the bathroom.

🙂

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