Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Christmas is over, thank God
December 26, 2005
5:01 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I had so much pent up anger in me, and I think I still do. Why can't I face the fact that my mom doesn't love me? What the hell is wrong with me? I called her twice to wish her a merry christmas. And called her again today. Was very cool, loving and nice.

She never called me. I called her three times. Why am I begging for the love I'll never get? Anger seems to keep me sane.

I'm sorry if I have offended anyone on here, I know that we are all hurting. I don't want to be angry anymore. I wish my mom and christmas would just vanish.

I don't want to hurt anymore. I'm glad I didn't go back there for Christmas. Yet I still feel angry and don't know what to do.

Its going to be OK, I know.

December 26, 2005
5:23 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi mimi,
Feel your anger. It is telling you that something needs to change. I know that in loving ourselves enough not to accept the unacceptable by taking care of ourself.

I have a habit of keeping on going back for more, when in reality my father had nothing to give in the first place. Acceptance that others sometimes don't know how to love and nurture us.

Feel your anger than make a choice to be loving and kind and caring to you.
Give yourself the love you need. You are worthy of it.

December 26, 2005
6:03 pm
Avatar
chloeysmomma
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

yes thank god i have had 1 stressful day and guilt on top of it all iam glad christmas is over with anyways so far my day is better today then yesterday thank god hugs chloeysmomma

December 26, 2005
6:03 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((Mimi)))

I am sorry honey for all the pain you're going thru. I know the biggest pain that comes in our life and distorts us the most is the one the comes from our family of origin. I have lived thru that a lot!!!

My mother was not the warm, nurturing type. When I started my healing process, it was my biggest challenge, i.e. forgiving her. And I managed to do it thru the power of my HP.

I know our relationship with our parents can affect us a lot. If you wish, I can recommend to you the book I used in my healing. The author herself had very difficult even mentally-ill mom, yet she managed to forgive her and lived happily ever after.

Nowadays, I have very good relationship with my parents. Right this morning, my parents called me and wished me Merry Christmas and I was in tears, tears of joy. I have been praying for soooo long about that, having good relationship with them despite all that happened.

I pray, sweetie, you will experience that someday...who knows maybe very soon!!!

(((Hugs)))

December 26, 2005
6:09 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mj,

You are so right. With all the amount of strength, there is no changing what is. I just have to accept.

I don't know how to do that. I feel angry and sad at the same time.

You're a kind person to say to another to feel their anger. And probably a very smart person too.

Thank you for writing, I hope all is well with you.

December 26, 2005
6:13 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ch mom,

Physical contact is good. I miss physical contact, yet, I know that I can't do that at this point and time. But, I will. There is hope.

December 26, 2005
6:21 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ras,

What is the power of hp? Thanks for responding. I think I need to toss away any hope that I had towards my mom. I need to live in reality, for today anyways. My mom is a person that couldn't call her daughter to wish her a merry christmas, even after her daughter (me) called her three times. That is the reality. Christmas or no Christmas, holidays aside, my mom is a cold, unloving, hateful bitch!!

There I go with anger. Its not so bad this time around. It still angers me, not as much as usual. That is progress. Once the anger dissapates, I know I will be alright.

December 26, 2005
6:27 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What is the power of hp? = God

Mimi, you can forgive your mom even if she does not appreciate it. That will set you free and make you happy person.

Right now you are prisoner of anger. I know honey it is not that easy to forgive someone as important as a parent. I managed to do it with the help of a book.

It was not overnite process, yet I managed to do it. I advise you to do the same if you want experience real joy in your life.

December 26, 2005
6:38 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Start by feeling the sadness. Usually my hurt is masked by anger.

I read in a book a few days ago that anger is just one letter off from danger. I too had been feeling angry.
It hurts like hell to have our parents who are humans ignore us. I felt sad for a long time. Sometimes I still have moments of sadness for the loss of my father. When I grieve my losses and feel my emotions then I get to accept and move on to self love. Love yourself enough to identify your feeling and choose to make yourself feel better by doing something nurturing for yourself.

December 26, 2005
6:38 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ras,

What book are you talking about? I have forgiven her, I just want things to change between us. I don't think they ever will. I have to look at reality. At least, now I'm looking at reality. I have to accept today what a bitch she is (there I go again with anger)

Just like I had to accept not wanting to be with my ex's (two of them, yes, I'm a two time loser divorcee, at the age of 39) They were awlful, and so is she.

I need some advice on how to get over the anguish of my mother.

Its easy to say how our bf/gf did this or that and to diss them. How do I diss my mom?

She's my mom.

December 26, 2005
6:45 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mj,

you are right, I feel hurt, I feel anger more than that though. What do I do with the hurt and anger?

Right now I'm in a holding pattern. You're right, I just need to nurture myself. This is just another incidence where the abuser thinks their needs are more important than yours. And its not just about needs, its common courtesy. Hello, my own mother couldn't call me to wish me a MC. I'm a mother, I would NEVER do that to my children.

I have to face the facts, and move on. My mother is a bitch. I need to forget about her. Just like I did my ex's. They were just like her.

December 26, 2005
6:46 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My mother never hit me though, my ex's did, so I guess they weren't JUST like her.

December 26, 2005
6:48 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well with perserance, things will change with her. Take it from me. I have been praying a lot about that. I did not see results overnite, but in the last few years, my prayers had been answered.

This is the book I used in my healing "Finding peace for you heart" by Stormie Omartian. Available on amazon.com excellent book since author herself had difficult mom just like us. I learned so much from this book. I learned that we can forgive but not forget.

BTW, as for seeing your mom, actually you are NOT requested to see her or be with her on your own. It can be quite potentially dangerous. So, Mimi do not be harsh on yourself. Forgive her even if you have not forgotten what she did to you.

That book should be very helpful tool to you!!!

All the best honey!!!

December 26, 2005
6:54 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

A suggestion is write a letter to your mom and tell her how you feel when she doesn't call you back. Write all the incidences when she wasn't there for you. Write until the anger subsides. Cry and feel and then put the letter away so you can read it again much later and see if you have progressed. Or burn the letter after you write it and let the anger go with the burning.

Anger expressed appropriately is freeing. Like hitting a pillow. Yelling into space. Get it out without hurting anyone especially yourself.

December 26, 2005
6:55 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ras,

I love Stormie, I was at a bible study with her book about praying women.

Thanks for the encouragement. Although, I feel like I have to divorce myself from her (my mom), for a while anyways. That is what I see I have to do for now. I'm sad and angry about it, yet I feel peace about letting her go.

December 26, 2005
7:03 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mj,

I have confronted her, the techniques you suggested were suggested by my therapist, and we did them. I thought things were better, they aren't.

He (my therapist) saw just as yourself, to deal with acceptance.

I have to deal with acceptance. I have to deal with acceptance. I have to let hope die for now, on my part. I have to get better.

December 26, 2005
10:01 pm
Avatar
ttsmom
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

yeah i hate the holidays too. they are very diffucult. i am all alone no kids no husband no nothing. mentally, sexually and physically abused by many members of my family. scars on me from self hurt and them hurting me. my mother was very abusive, wow its scary for me to speak of her in that nature like she is going to come and hurt me for that, but she was very disatisfy with me as a daughter. she had her boyfriend and my brother and her sexually abused me from the age of 5-15, much blood and pain they done to me... it hurt so bad, wow i remember xmas mornings when i had big pretty boxes wrapped so beautiful, i opened them and they where empty. my family laughed at the look on my face and the tears in my eyes.. just wanted some love some unpainful love.

December 27, 2005
10:13 am
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

mimi, I would really suggest you to talk about this to your mom. But before that, is there anything else besides her not calling you? Anything else that shows she doesnt care about you? Plan what to say and talk to her openly without hesitation and _show_ your disappointment to her about how she doesnt care about it. Be frank and open to her. This will help a lot I think, but you could plan more on what to say and then say it bravely, you have to, in order to get over it. Say your heart out to your mom whatever you are feeling and her reaction whatever is it will help resolve this. Thats what I think, hmm..

December 27, 2005
10:35 am
Avatar
dalpuz
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mimi,

If anyone reads my threads...i'm new to understanding all this but if I could have a small imput. To flip the coin a bit (not knowing yor history enough yet).

My girlfriend seemed to have the same problem with her family and she has alot of anger to say the least. When she ended up having to move home to do the therapy and such her mother and dad jumped in to get their daughter back and try to help. I question now if it was just the anger process she is going through with cd that makes her believe she has the problem in the first place.

I found when ever she talked to her mother, her mom was very guarded, not really knowing how to handle her daughter and all the anger she has bottled up inside. The same developed with anyone she is intimately involved with and personal friends who are to close. Every time she has to open up and completely be herself, she gets overcontrolling and angry as a defence mechanism I guess.

As i said at the beginning, i'm just learning how to deal with all this, and I may be way out in left field here with you but, everyone here has been helping me to understand, I hope this helps a little.

regards, dalpuz

December 27, 2005
11:19 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

guest_guest, I talked with my mom last night and asked her why she didn't call me, she said she was busy, I told her that I think she's a bitch.

I've talked with her under the guidance of my therapist, I thought we had an understanding, I was fooled.

I have to forget about her for now, or I should say have no contact with her for now.

tts,

I'm so sorry about the cruelty that you suffered growing up. My mother use to tell me that she should have given me to the "nuns". I wish she would have, there are just some people that don't deserve to be parents.

I look in the mirror and see a beautiful person. I know that I will get over all of this anguish. I thought I had, I haven't.

Do you ever see your family?

DP,

Thank you for your thoughts. Who or what is cd? Your friend sounds very lucky to have parents that care and want to help her. Anger is a very scary thing for a lot of people. I agree with mj that anger is an indicator that something needs to change.

I think I need to not be around people or have relations with people that make me angry. At least for now, until I learn how to deal with it in a more healthy fashion. I thought I had, and I haven't.

I feel like a failed a test. I hate feeling angry. Yet I feel that without it I wouldn't survive.

Anyways, thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate it.

December 27, 2005
12:40 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

mimi, if your mom doesnt love you and it doesnt seem like she does, then yes its the best idea to cut off contact with with her. Very good! I've done the same with my own mom and dad and have no regrets at all. I'm living a more peaceful life and i hope you can too. Its a good idea yes, also to cut off contact with anyone who makes you angry. Thats what I also believe in and do. We can be nice to only nice people, we dont have time and energy for people who suck out our energy.

December 27, 2005
12:53 pm
Avatar
luv2luvher
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

mimi, (and for everyone else)

I know everyone always ask for a good book. Well, for christmas I was given a book by my sister. I thought great another one of her pushes to get me into the church. Don't get me wrong, I have started going again when I feel I need to right now, I think it will become a continuous thing. But back to the book, I opened it and it really is so far a great eye opener. It is called "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. Mimi, the reason I bring this book up to you is for the fact that you stated that your mother doesn't love you.

I to have a similar problem with my father. I have a decent relationship with him but I know deep down that he cares more for my older and younger brothers. If I may I would like to reference a piece that fits here :

"Many adults are still trying to earn the approbal of unpleasable parents. Others are driven by peer pressure, always worried by what others might think. Unforunately, those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it."

Just letting you know this book is religious based so if you are not religious it might not be for you, but it is suppose to be a 40 day spirtiual journey into the purpose of why we are placed here on earth. I figure what can it hurt me by reading it and so far 3 chapters in, it has been very helpful. I hope this helps... Keep your head up.

Much Luv,
Luv2

December 27, 2005
3:21 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Im sorry for mean playing, abuse and all else I read here.My parents are dead and I dont complain much about them any more. As I can, I put the little tiles in the holes they left without asking if it hurts them, whatever. My being among sieblings and inlaws who are grown up can be disgusting even if theres no drinking.

How tough do holidays have to be? As tough as the people who come? We invite the social, polite and they turn out to be jerks, then what? Im glad the kids had a good part of xmas and perhaps missed all the games of the grown ups.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714257
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information