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chloeysmomma update
October 21, 2006
4:04 am
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chloeysmomma
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hey everyone well first of all i havent seen the inlaws for about almost 3 weeks now whitch is good they dont call they dont come by and they dont ask about my child whitch i love its nice having this freedom but it also hurts a bit cause now they wont get to see her anymore we pressed charges but still feel like father in law had something to do with all of it so we wont let her grandma or her grampa see her at all it sucks but i dont want to deal with all the cps stuff agin and the false allegations but now since that is all gone on hubby has been supportive but i dont feel like iam really loved with him my self esteem is just at its all time low right now and my x boyfriend from my past is confuseing my heart and iam not so sure about this marriage anymore iam so sad thats my update for now hugs 2 all

October 21, 2006
10:31 am
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Tumbleweed8
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(((CM)))

October 21, 2006
10:49 am
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Cmomma, be strong. Please do not go dreaming for more comfort and love from another source (old bf). It sounds like your husband is a really good and loving man. Have faith in yourself. Continue to be a good momma. Make your daily routine a joyful one, and try to go out and make some new friends. Keep fighting the negative thoughts and work hard at finding positive new ones. You're such a sweetie. Take care of yourself.

October 21, 2006
2:58 pm
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chloeysmomma
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its hard cause now iam not sure i even want to be married anymore

October 21, 2006
7:56 pm
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Why not? Don't you feel happy with your husband?

October 22, 2006
5:43 am
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chloeysmomma
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i dont know i think its the x boyfriend confusion phase of my life

October 22, 2006
8:29 am
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Sorry this takes hours in between posts, cmomma, but I need to read your story to help me understand how you are feeling. Is there another post you could direct me to?

October 22, 2006
3:12 pm
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atalose
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chloeysmomma,

he's an x for a reason, remember that!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 23, 2006
3:35 am
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chloeysmomma
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he is using my weakness to make me feel for him and wow its blowing me away cause he gives me more attention then my own hubby does this is why iam confused agin

October 24, 2006
4:06 am
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chloeysmomma
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iam still obsessing over him

October 27, 2006
10:47 am
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lovetocrochet
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Chloeysmomma,

I would cut the x-boyfriend out if I were you and redouble your efforts towards your husband. If the ex were a decent guy he would respect that you're married and keep a certain distance, not be playing on your weaknesses. As atalose said, he's an ex for a reason!

You need to think with your head right now. Keep reminding yourself that your husband has been on your side throughout this ordeal, that you've been through it together. You chose him as the man you wanted to spend your life with, and father of your little girl, and he chose you. This has to be held sacred.

Everyone goes through phases of disillusionment with their marriages. That's actually fairly normal. The trick is to get *through* it. Running away, imagining what life might be like with another guy, entertaining temptations of something more exciting, is not going to solve the problem.

If you feel like it's going to get worse it might help to talk to a pastor (if you're religious), or sign up for a marriage workshop. My husband and I did Marriage Encounter and it has really helped us grow closer.

Also, do you think part of your pining for this former boyfriend might be some part of you trying to "escape" from the pain of your recent crisis? Sometimes our minds leads us to strange places when we're going through something really stressful, and all of a sudden we're thinking about and relating to people or other things we normally wouldn't because they suddenly seem more appealing.

I'm sorry for the pain and grief you're feeling over the situation with your in-laws. I think we all feel some loss when we realize that family members are not what we thought they were, and aren't what we thought they should be too. We sort of have in our minds what an "ideal family" should be and when that dream is crushed, we do need to grieve for it.

October 29, 2006
3:03 am
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chloeysmomma
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ive been entertaining something more exciting and i will admitt it because i think iam misrable with him now iam frustrated cause i am not working i dont have alot of friends i entertain the possiblity cause he makes me feel sexxy about myself and i know that is wrong on all levels i didnt choose him he chose me and i picked the wrong guy cause my x was cheating on me with the other girl that he is now married 2 i wont lie at all i feel like iam stuck and i cant get out my aunt told me long time ago no one is gonna help u u have to help yourself support yourself if not for him for your kids i would love to work but u know i dont drive and he treats me like a slave i want to leave but i think of my kid and i wonder how she would feel in all of this my husband was married before me and i cant do that 2 him agin i cant do this marriage anymore problems with the inlaws have even had me conteplateing divorce i cant deal with all this stress in my life and sometimes i feel that maybe i wasnt suppose to get married or have kids in the first place iam frustrated literally i even have thoughts about ending my life cause i cant get what i want and i feel like ive failed already at being a mom i know life isnt easy its what u make it but i dont know what i want anymore iam only 28 married to an older guy who thinks iam suppose to be this perfect boreing housewife and i hate my life sometimes i really do !! sorry iam just venting i cant cut the x off right now he is giving me something hubby isnt and i feel so unattractive around him and iam bored out of my mind plus money is a big stress right now i cant take much more before i wig out i dont know maybe i got bi polar iam not sleeping well and iam depressed all the time i feel like nothing is gonna make me feel better i love my kids if i didnt have any kids i proabably wouldnt be alive right now in this world

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