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childhood sexual abuse
February 25, 2004
7:10 pm
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ashrael
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does anyone know if i can sue my half brother for molesting me when i was three years old? i am 19, so i'm am not sure if too much time has passed to press charges. I have tried everything to make him admit to what happened but he denies everything to this day, even though i have a report from child protective services that was made in 1987. I figure since he cannot own up to anything that he should be in jail because he is currently engaged and will eventually have children. any advice?

February 25, 2004
7:14 pm
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MEC
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if you want to press criminal charges, call your local prosecutor

if you want to get money from your bro (assuming he has any you can collect), call an attorney

February 25, 2004
8:44 pm
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Hi ashrael

I am so sorry this happened to you. You must be so hurt and angry.

I don't know the legal answers to your questions. My guess would be to conduct some research online. There is probably a statute of limitations for prosecuting, and then circumstances come into play, such as whether or not he was a child at the time, how much can you actually remember clearly (being 3 years old) that type of thing.

Check it out.

Zinnie may be able to answer your questions better.

It is very probable that this is bleeding out into your life. It is something to explore, as it is most always the case that you cannot control his actions, but you can control your reaction to him, to a certain extent. This is about you and what this has done to you.

Best of luck to you.

free

February 25, 2004
8:51 pm
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Ladeska
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Statute of limitations vary from state to state. So you'd have to check and see what those limitations are for your state. Sometimes it's based on when you remembered, others are based upon when it happened and from that point.

A lawsuit is tricky business. You'd have to have a really good lawyer and put out quite a bit of money yourself AND you'd have to prepare yourself for the dirty games that would ensue. Victims are often victimized again quite profusely in a scenario like this. We say.......that we are for the victims, but in reality, as a society, we are not.

My advice to you is to concentrate on your own inner healing. Living well is the best revenge. You also have to be careful that he doesn't keep sucking life out of you....

Two lawyers that are experts in the field of defending victims are - Andrew Vachss:

http://www.vachss.com/

And I'm not sure if Shari Karney is still defending victims, but her story is worth viewing. You can get it here. It's called Shattered Trust - The Shari Karney story:

http://www.freewebs.com/anaphe.....ies.html#7

She was a California lawyer who discovered her own abuse while prosecuting a man that had abused his little girl. Smug little creep in the movie. You just want to snap his neck and Shari tried while in the courtroom! Lunged at him over the witness stand. Pretty funny.

She went on to change the statute of limitations in California for such a crime. Great movie! I used to have it and loaned it out and never got it back. But it's the best one I've ever seen as far as portraying the whole family and how everyone plays their part in keeping the secret and victimizing the victim even more as time goes on. Worth seeing and worth owning.

February 28, 2004
7:42 pm
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are
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the only help that is the best is to focus on youself and get as much help for just you now. That is very important because you can't change what happened to you or change him. You need to help you and to talk about it to the right people.

February 29, 2004
8:34 pm
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How are you today ashrael? I know it must have taken quite a toll to post what you did.

Wanting you to know you are thought of.

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March 1, 2004
11:28 pm
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nunn
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nunn
March 1

I know how you feel this happened to me. It was my Uncle. I'm 26 and this happened when I was 4-14. I have never found a way to get over it or deal with it. I have never talked to anyone before. I found you tring to get some help. I hope you get help don't let it take over your life like I did.

Nunn

March 2, 2004
10:53 am
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Ladeska
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Hi Nunn.........would you like to talk more about this here? I'm a sexual abuse survivor myself and there are others on here that are as well. Would be glad to talk to you if you like. I know it's hard to do that but then again, it's hard being in a black hole with no one who understands or can help. It's very isolating and your wounds just gnaw away at you. I understand. Been there. And the tragic part is that sometimes if you do talk to people around you they seem to want you to just get over it, move on, put it in the past, make excuses for the perpetrator, etc., etc. I'm not into that. So you won't find that here with me at all. People don't realize that you received an injury that is comparable to having one of your legs blown off. And yet if you can't show them that kind of visual, then your pain is minimized or dismissed altogether. Just get a life, get over it, move on.

The injury, nonetheless is very "there" and it's not going away. First of all the wound needs to be stopped from profusely bleeding all over the place. Then whatever infection that's taken place needs to be dug out. Then comes the part of learning how to be in this world being wide awake but at the same time - being a whole person inside. It might help you to go read Boland's thread. It's got alot of information in it that you might benefit from.

So I extend the invitation to write here. I hope you do. I hope Ashrael comes back. There are people on this earth who do care and do understand the nightmare very well.

And there are people who have learned it's not just about coping, it's about learning to win and how to conquer the inner demons that toy with you day in and day out. So please come back and post.

March 2, 2004
6:48 pm
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Innocence
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Thanks for the information in this thread. This is exactly why I signed up I want to sue both my adoped parents.

They both were in on the sexual abuse I experienced.

March 2, 2004
10:45 pm
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Ladeska
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Innocence...well, sweetheart, I wish you all the best doing that. God knows they deserve at least this. But you need a really, REALLY good therapist, one who is good at sexual abuse therapy and has been to trial before. And you need a really good attorney. On top of all that, you need to be very ready for what is ahead of you. This won't be easy. Going into that courtroom is like going into one of the most cruel places for a sexual abuse victim because they will try and minimize, discredit and injure you as much as is humanely possible. Look up "The Zero" online and try to get in touch with Vachss on there. He's a huge warrior for abuse victims, is a lawyer and this is his speciality.

If he can't take on your case, ask if he knows someone who can. Also remember that "to live well is the best revenge".

Also R.A.I.N.N. is a great organization, you might look them up on the web as well.

And hopefully, they can be criminally prosecuted for what they did, too! I'm sure you were not the only one they did this to. That's seldom the case. Victims think it's just them, but perpetrators are very busy people. They hunt.

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