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childhood sexual abuse (survivors)
September 6, 2001
9:03 am
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philter
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are there any male survivors of childhood sexual abuse out there.and where are you in life now?

September 6, 2001
10:50 am
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Ladeska
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Good, good question!!! I hope you get some replies. The facts are - guys don't usually talk. Facts also are that our society doesn't really offer good help for them and it happens to them just as much as it happens to women. And we wonder why abuse continues... Gee, let me think here - what might be some factors....?

It really isn't a sissy quality to admit that someone has brutally assaulted you. It has nothing to do with being stripped of manhood or anything like that. I have known "alot" of men who have had this in their life and it has broken my heart to see their lives, their relationships, families and their lack of willingness to deal with it. I blame a society that says - Be a real man, stuff it! And we wonder what has happened to the male figures in our society.... I don't wonder, I know - the "real" statistics on sexual abuse....

I guess it all boils down to some men coming out and talking......breaking down the barriers that we all put up because of fear. I don't know about you but - alot of the time fear represents a door of growth that says Do Not Enter and I'm just stubborn enough to go - um, no.....I've been through hell already so why should I be afraid of walking through a door that just might free me for the rest of my life?

September 6, 2001
10:56 pm
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peter
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im a survivor. it didn't hapen a lot it was an isolated incident. but still what happened was abuuse. now im moving on with my life. it hurts to have to deal with that reality but i live from day to day knowing God's here.

September 7, 2001
12:25 am
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damaged
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WOW Peter I think it is great that you were able to talk about this.

We are only as sick as our secrets. Yes I believe God is with you also.

September 7, 2001
5:53 am
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philter
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If you want to know more about why i asked this question have a look in working through childhood abuse as an adult.
Peter join the the club good to see another strong survivor.

September 15, 2001
2:03 am
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philter
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Come on fella's there has to be more survivors of childhood sexual abuse than just pete and I we need to support each other

September 15, 2001
2:04 am
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philter
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Come on fella's there has to be more survivors of childhood sexual abuse than just pete and I we need to support each other

September 15, 2001
7:01 pm
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child
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I,m not sure, but maybe. I had several possible incidents at 6, 8, and 10. They were all older females in their teens. Does it count if you enjoyed it?

September 15, 2001
8:56 pm
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Mr. Anonymous
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I can identify with this post. To peter my heart goes out. You too philter. I've been through it and even today it has had a severely handicapping effect on me. The fact of the matter is that whenever you go through something this traumatic much fear is involved. It makes it hard for you to cope. You will understand if you read my post "He can't move in, Why Not?" Guys keep your head up and feel better knowing you are not alone.

September 23, 2001
10:55 pm
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Wickatoid
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I am a male, abused for many years by a male cousin. It took me a lifetime to finally sort out and realize what had happened. Once I told my family I received little support from anyone. The little support I received came from my father and two brothers. The remainder of my family (Mother, Aunt, Uncle and two cousins) rejected my words, told everyone I was a drug addict, a liar, etc. They even went as far to say I was blaming my homosexuality on my abuser. My family has been dragging my name through the mud for the past 6 months regarding this topic and has made an unbearable situation that much more disgusting.
The abuse has effected every aspect of my being, from friendships to relationships to distrust and hatred of the world.
I have been in therapy for years and am anticipating a run of several more years.
I have learned that I am still treating/reacting to sex as a 10 year old, that I am somewhat fixated on porn because that was one of the devices used in the abuse (that was my intro to sex), I hate myself because I am repeatedly told (even to this day) that I did something wrong.
The most frightening thing I have are my memories of how I was, especially after the abuse in my teenage years. The confusion of puberty on top of all the abuse emotions was really hard to deal with. The feeling of being on auto pilot much of the time because everything was far too much to deal with. The feeling of being isolated and not being able to understand children, the feeling of being alone, confusion, anger.
To anyone that was abused I wish you all the best of luck. God knows we all need it. Hope I can help in some way.

September 23, 2001
11:51 pm
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manyvoices
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this is to child"
YES! you were abused and NO it does'nt matter that your body responded in the way it was designed to do!children don't have the under-standingto give consent to have sex. there was an imbalance of power,because the were older then you and that is a form of force! if it is having a negative affect on your life ,i hope you get the,help you deserve.asking questions about it here is a good and safe first step.

September 24, 2001
8:26 am
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lover2000
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Wickatoid, you almost brought tears to my eyes reading your post. I hope you do know that ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! You were a child, and your family it seems to me knows that you are telling the truth but they just "don't wanna believe" that your cousin could do such a filthy thing. I too am a survivor of sexual abuse. It happened on several occassions that were all isolated incidents (not related to eachother), also it wasn't by family, but by "friends" who were much older than me. As for your family to hell with them, they are causing you more anguish than you need. Forget about them and do what you know is best for you. I used to be like you, I had trouble trusting people, but now I'm too trusting, which too is a problem. But, I'm saying this all to say, that everyone is not a bad person. My mom used to tell me that "There are good and bad people in this world and bad people did this to you." Don't live in the past, but live for today remembering that "Today is a gift, hence we call it the present!" Once again I remind you IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. If you ever need someone to talk to when the going gets rough, you can e-mail me at [email protected]

September 28, 2001
12:14 am
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child
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??where can i find a psychologist that deals with sexual issues??
I do believe it affected me somehow. I remember as a teen ager how I hated my body and other teens. One day I shaved all my body hair because i was discusted by puberty.
When i had a girlfriend it was difficult for me to be intimate. Hugs disturb me. I desire to be loved that way ,but, i fear it as well. The only people i feel comfortable with hugging me at all, are children.
I feel that their is more issues than sexual. I think that there are emotional problems as well. Growing up as achild my only friends were girls. When they reached puberty they would reject me as their friend. As a baby my cousin was like my sister, I loved her very much..but, when she reached puberty our relationship was no longer close, it hurt me a lot, I always wanted a sister now that was a void in my life. as i got older 10 to 12 my friends would leave me... Ther was a long period in my life where I could not have any girlfriends. To this day i have only had two for a dating relationship. I fell in love with one of them but she left me for my best friend because i would not be intimate with her.
Now , I am in love with a girl 13 years younger than me, but , I can not love her because of our age difference...I think i am looking to live a life as a teenager, since i lost it the first time......

September 28, 2001
12:37 am
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child
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I need help with these "forbidden",confused feelings of love: I don't understand "legal love", mature judgement, "how to turn off love", if my love is pure or twisted,,,,,If we were to strip all the physical factors of Love ,?What would we have?
I am tired of feeling like a monster, inside this adult body!!!
I hate being a man, I hate having a sex drive!!!!
I wish I died before puberty!!!!at least i would have been pure in spirit........

September 28, 2001
9:18 am
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philter
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Child , I can fully relate to the way that you feel about yourself , I have done much the same as you , I considered myself as unable to cope with situations with girls and for the truth of it I did't know how to relate to people in general , I was so unsure of who I was and what my purpose in life was , my fear of girls , my fear of men , I obliterated my self into a world of drug abuse , I had my first sexual encounter with a girl when I was 17 ,I was abused until the age of 12 , I am 39 now and I still regard myself as a child , as it was a part of my life that I was totally void of , I never knew what it was like to be carefree and innocent as a child can be , I was never going to be me .
It took a lot of searching to find at least some answers that would satisfy my thirst for existence , I looked in a lot of places and inherited a lot of wisdom in the process . In my case I have found that the only person that could answer my questions was me , the only one that could launch a rescue mission for me , was me . BUT I NEEDED SUPPORT AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO GIVE ME STRENGTH IN THE WEAK MOMENTS , but in the end it had to be me that made changes , it had to be me that initiated actions , you can go to a lot of proffessionals hoping that they can solve your problem and make it all nice and fine for you and get upset because after you have seen them you werer't cured.(professiopnals give you the guidance and support that you may need . I don't know how old you are so I CAN'T GIVE YOU ANY ADVICE IN REGARDS TO YOUR LOVE PROBLEM.But if the girl is of legal age , age difference should't really come into the picture . Child it all takes time this is something that you can't rush through , this is something that will never go away (in your thoughts) this is something that you have to learn different ways of dealing with your childhood issue . I have only learnt to love myself in the past few years , depending on your age , you may be able to start loving yourself at a younger age then myself/. GOOD LUCK ,DON;T FOLD and we are here to give you strenght , if one relationship folds , use it as a building block to make the next relationship better , people love you for who you are ,that don't love you because of your past .

September 30, 2001
4:58 pm
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child
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to philter,
Thanks for telling me, I t is nice to know that someone else can relate to the confusion.

September 30, 2001
8:49 pm
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philter
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To child and pete and mr A
A couple of books that may interest you:-
The Transformed Mind(reflections on truth,love and happiness)by His Holiness The Dalai Lama.
Published by Hodder and Stoughton
ISBN 0 340 76948 3

The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying,
by Sogyal Rinpoche(edited by,Patrick Gaffney and Andrew Harvey)
Published by Rider
ISBN 0 7126 5752 5

Happy reading , I found these books to be really helpful , Don't be put off because they are of Buddhist origin,Buddism is not a religion ,it is a way of life.all the best

September 30, 2001
9:06 pm
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philter
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Feel free to visit my website at
http://communities.ninemsn.com.au/
AMSOSAFAMILY/_whatsnew.msnw

AMSOSA Stands for:
Australian Male Survivors of Sexual
Abuse.

I put Australian down to encourage more Aussies to come forward
(in case you did't know I'm Australian)
My chatline name is Rundownacrobat or if you want to send an email you can do it through my website or at [email protected]
keep in touch

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