Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Childhood Abuse and Recovered Memory Therapy
October 2, 2006
4:26 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi lovetocrochet

Well what makes it abuse is lack of mutual consent.

I take your point about the power of percieved authority.

And that is what I was getting at with this thread. It is really about "Is my therapist crazy or am I?"

October 2, 2006
4:35 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Devon,

I'll try to simplify this for you.

It is unethical for a nurse to utter the words "do you accept any responsibility for this experience" to someone who has been abused by a therapist, or any health care provider.

October 2, 2006
7:03 pm
Avatar
gracenotes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

One of the problems with psychotherapy in general is that its focus has changed in many ways from its original, more pure form. I remember a time, back in the 60's and 70's when people tended to accept certains premises in general: self-responsibility, that both parties played a part in a relationship problem, and other premises I cannot think of right now.

The problem is that somewhere along the line the legal profession stuck itself into a relatively pure social science, and all of a sudden we everything started to be seen in legal terms: victim, perpetrator, ending of self-responsibility, blame, fault, and punishment. Its really too bad. I originally learned about a different kind of psychology when I earned a degree many years ago. Essentially, no one is really a victim, because our so-called perpetrators were victimized themselves. The point is to heal past pain and learn how to not have it happen again. When I think of the two people I have had the worst problem with in my life of feeling victimized and abused by, I am totally aware of the fact that they were both severely abused as children and are acting out this by abusing others.

I am not excusing any behaviors here, and yes, we can all feel like victims, but it is really self-defeating for me to see my caretakers and significant others in legalistic terms. I've learned a long time ago that lawsuits don't really solve anything, so why would therapy if it was presented under these terms.

The most important thing I can do in a self-responsible way is to stop the cycle. Stop reacting to perceived abusive, heal my childhood wounds, forgive my parents, and whomever else I need to forgive.

I approach therpy with a skeptical mind. But I am seeing a therapist for a specific reason and I chose this therapist because she is going to use EMDR to facilitate healing of some specific things. This is a short-term researched procedure specifically designed to help resolved traumatic experiences. It is short term. She is a licensed therapist, she is specfically trained in this procedure, she is listed on the EMDR.com website as trained and qualified to do this. She has been in the field quite a while, has many clients, and I generally trust this person to help me. This therapy is not at all about legalistic victimhood and I know exactly what I am getting into because I have done my homework. If is doesn't work or something goes wrong, I am not about to blame anybody.

I have learned all this stuff because there are some really crazy things being offered out, mainly by unlicensed therapists posing as counselors, spiritual guides, and therapists, having a little bit of half-baked knowledge and acting as experts. Ripping off others' ideas and calling them their won. Many of these people are dangerous. And, believe me, I have learned through my own experience about this.

So, are far as therapy goes, remember, it has evolved into a legalistic thing that it should not even be, and if you do see a therapist (and I think that is absolutely a good thing), do check the credentials closely and what he or she does very closely before getting involved. Make sure someone is licensed by the state licensing board. Call the board or check this person out on the internet. You can find out some basic information there. If a person is licensed, that is a good, basic assurance of competency. Maybe not 100%, but better than picking someone who is all flash and no substance.

October 2, 2006
8:00 pm
Avatar
Devon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD: I can see that you have some very strong judgements about me and my opinions.

You would not do this to me if I were a CPA or a ditch digger. You have increased expectations and demands of me because of what I revealed to everyone about me. On this board, I am just a person. I am only responsible for myself here. I do not condone unethical professional behavior, but I am all too weary of the victim trap because I have been there.

I also see that you cling hard to your beliefs. You certainly have the right to do that. I would never try to take that away. I am just offering a different way to look at this. A way that has given me some peace.

My approach is just a different way to see it for myself. I refuse to be a victim. I don't like the way it makes me feel. As hard as it may be to understand me, perhaps, maybe you can try to see that self-empowerment is my strategy here. Life is too short and the universe just isn't interested in my difficulties.

When I hung onto the expectation that someone was supposed to take care of me, I gave myself up to someone else and made them responsible for managing my life and my care. When I did this, I did get to be Right and to play Victim when things went wrong. At this point, for me, there is no other place to go...just a sad song on a record with a skip in it. In doing this I have succeeded in completely giving my power away to my "abuser," which I refuse to do.

At least with my strategy, I reclaim my power and I move on.

I believe that if I do not do this, I will spend all of my precious life wallowing in it long after everyone is dead and gone. Ultimately I end up abusing myself in the end. It is my choice. This is what I believe.

October 2, 2006
8:06 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Gracenotes,

I hear your thoughtfulness and good intentions. But I would like to focus the topic of this thread.

This thread is going astray and perhaps needs to spin off another thread or two.

This thread is about a tiny piece of a topic which probably ought to be named:

“The Profession of Medicine.”

That topic could generate a thread called: “Medical Malpractice.”
That thread could generate a th

read called:
“Abuse of patients by psychotherapists.”

To narrow the thread even further, it would be about:

“How to discern abusive malpractice by psychotherapists who misuse regression hypnosis.”

If nobody else here is not rested in or worried about *that* topic I can let it go.

But if this thread is going to spin out into so many other topics, I think we need more threads.

October 2, 2006
8:27 pm
Avatar
red blonde
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Worried_Dad

As far as I am concerned, the legal system has fouled up alot of things. It would have been wonderful if it had only meant to be a determent for abuse, but it hasn't. I got involved with group therapy in the early 90's and it wasn't as it is now. I am afraid that this legalistic victimhood has stymied what real theraputic help should be all about.
Are we going so we can be "healed" or are we going to prove that we were victimized and therefore need restitution? I have not been trained as a counselor or therapist, I could only help others because I had been in their moccasins.

October 2, 2006
9:08 pm
Avatar
Devon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD: Do you really WANT to keep talking about therapist abuse, discerning such abuse, and malpractice issues or do you want a life? It really is that simple.

October 3, 2006
12:26 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Red Blonde,

I am not sure why you keep talking about "the legal system." But now that you mention it.

I am in favor of one heck of a lot more intervention by the legal system into the field of psychotherapy than there is now. It is not about restitution. I am not trying to talk about is about ensuring quality.

October 3, 2006
12:53 am
Avatar
chloeysmomma
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i was beaten by a cps worker she told my mom to give me a good beating cause i was an un ruley teen and then she hit me with a brush my mom watched in horror and i can remember never none of it till now i blocked it out due to the sexual abuse i had to live through when i was younger i was very suicidal i stil have issues i need to work on and to even say this much scares me

October 3, 2006
1:06 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Devon,

This is a support forum where people who have had a variety of difficult experiences come to support each other, and share information.

If you come here you will frequently encounter people talking about abuse. What it is. How to discern it. What are the effects. What to do about it.

That is part of what the site is for. Especially the "Support threads."

This site is called "All About Counseling." It is not called "all about getting my first doctorate degree," although people in that situation can also get support here.

October 3, 2006
1:12 am
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi chloeysmomma.

Beaten by a CPS worker.

Now that about takes the cake.

I think it is often difficult, even scary for people to talk about their experiences with abuse.

Something like you have described seems so outrageous and unlikely, I could understand it being hard for you to talk about.

October 3, 2006
10:28 am
Avatar
Devon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear WD,

I really don't recall ever mentioning my professional or academic status on this thread. I have never used anything other than my life experience as a basis for my own authority on this topic of therapist abuse. Yet you seen to have done your homework by searching other threads in order to throw this into my face...as if it is something that does not belong here.

You are not the only person even on this thread that has ever experienced abuse...and my professional and academic status are things I earned in spite of so many odds against me.

I always find it amazing when I meet people who have had similar experiences to mine. Usually they do not believe me and they assume that we are soooo different. We really aren't that different.... I just approach things differently, I suppose.

I only share this with the intention of perhaps offering (anyone) another idea about how to possibly handle a no-win situation, such as what one experiences with therapist abuse. Unless everyone agrees and owns their part in the issue, the debates can go on forever, which makes this no-win. The therapist is never ever going to own their majority part in it. That is a given. It is a game of hardball for them and they have years of experience and education over you in how to win at this game.

My therapist abuse occurred over 20 years ago...and it was over recovered memories...yes, childhood sex abuse...and this therapist did not maintain her professional boundaries with me. She was intrigued by me...so she said...and even envious. She also had an abuse history...I noticed how her knuckles would whiten as she clung to the chair she was sitting in when I talked about certain things. I felt sorry for her...and I admired her accomplishments. She got attached to me...and she hated me...at the same time...and she was not a young fresh apprentice, either. I did the same thing to her. It was too crazy. Last year when I saw her again after all of those years, she looked really old and terrified of me. I realized then that, though there are about 25 years between us in age, we are a lot alike.

Because I walked away over 20 years ago when my confrontations of her failed, I prevailed...and, in a way, I won! I was walking and talking confident and she was cowering in the wings.

One of the things that my own very turbulent and chaotic childhood gave me was a constant doubt in myself. No matter what I do, I do not believe that I am smart or OK. I know these things, but I do not believe them. I am very smart...but I still have to work at this. I had to work especially hard at this when I walked away from my therapist. I lost my faith in the ability for any human being to help me at the level of a therapist, because I could not see how anyone with human imperfections could truly do this work without causing more pain and suffering. I did not think for one minute that this therapist took me on with any initial intentions of "getting" me. In her own humanity, she faltered...so I fled.

Maybe what seems to make you angry about my comments is that you feel invalidated by them. I am truly sorry if this has been the case as this was never my intention.

Your issues are valid. The system created to promote healing can be sorely lacking and it can even inflict more suffering.

I learned as a teenager (living on the street to avoid abuse) to get away from systems that hurt me. I ultimately created my own system and 30 years later I am flourishing in it most of the time. I am one of those people who have nothing bad happening to her in the present...it is just the consequences and ghosts of the past that remain. What goes on my in head is totally the problem anymore. Therapist abuse not withstanding.

I combat this by keeping things as simple as possible...because it was the complicated twists of fate that got me tangled in the first place.

October 3, 2006
11:49 am
Avatar
gracenotes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Reblonde,

I think you said this very well:

Are we going so we can be "healed" or are we going to prove that we were victimized and therefore need restitution?

And, that's what seems to be wrong with therapy. The legal system has taken it over.

Maybe this should be a whole other topic, and part of the topic needs to be how to make wise choices in choosing psychotherapy.

October 3, 2006
2:28 pm
Avatar
Devon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Redblonde,

You did state it well. It was at least more palatable and perhaps more useful to WD than my statements were....

Gracenotes,

Why does this have to be a whole other topic? I think this site has a place that offers prepared advice about how to find a therapist somewhere. I am not sure.

The legal system takes over everything where money is involved. Money is the magnet.

The system is all about the money. Look at the plethora of health disparities we have on this earth.

I recall when I was very young and poor and refused assistance because of my IQ. I had to have measurable deficits and proof of my struggles to get food and shelter in this program. I was living in my rat-trap car and functioning well at school, so I was refused. I also could not provide data to show the program administrators that their program was making a difference. I needed to have pre-screening proof of my abuse in terms of things like STDs, pregnancies, trips to jail per year, truancy, drug abuse, and alcohol abuse to qualify for this teen home assistance. They wanted a drammatic before and after change. One of the investigators put me in another program to test my IQ instead...which got me nothing but people talking all around me. I had a sibling that qualified and got services while I continued to live in my beat up car...because I was too young to rent an apartment, even though I did try. I did get jobs tutoring some of these kids for this program...minimum wage IF the student showed up, which they often did not. I discovered where the public library was and moved into there after a while....

October 3, 2006
2:57 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The subjects of "the legal system," "restitution," or "money" seem to have taken on a life of there own in this thread.

Those are interesting subjects, to be sure--especially in how they relate to regulation of health care.

At least in my state, I would push for much stronger regulation of counseling and psychotherapy. I would also require specific education so that therapists would be able to avoid certain types of errors, and encouraged to avoid those errors.

October 3, 2006
3:18 pm
Avatar
Devon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

That is a very positive way to make a difference, WD....

October 3, 2006
5:25 pm
Avatar
bevdee
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 259
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Devon,

It was refreshing to read this -

"It is when I am still twisted up in the complicated emotions associated with blaming (which implies need for retribution or compensation...someone owes me something) that I make myself sick."

This is true for me.

As an adult, I made choices, though I may not have realised or admitted to myself the underlying reasons. It has only been since I have accepted the responsibility and started shedding the victim mentality that I have made any progress at all toward healing and self awareness. It is still a work in progress.

The abuse I suffered was horrible. I felt sorry for myself for a long time. Somewhere in the middle of all the pain, anger and self-pity, I decided I didn't want to do it anymore. I got sick of hearing myself whine.

"When I hung onto the expectation that someone was supposed to take care of me, I gave myself up to someone else and made them responsible for managing my life and my care. When I did this, I did get to be Right and to play Victim when things went wrong. At this point, for me, there is no other place to go...just a sad song on a record with a skip in it. In doing this I have succeeded in completely giving my power away to my "abuser," which I refuse to do."

Yeah.

Bevdee

October 3, 2006
5:51 pm
Avatar
Devon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Bevdee!

Actually, most of the people I grew up with that were in the same circumstances I was in are either dead or in prison. Most of those in prison have cultivated a life long romance with self-pity. I actually believe that the self-pity was what ruined them and not their abuse experiences. The abuse experiences only set the stage to help them to continue creating their own hell on earth...ironically...WITHOUT the abuser.

I think that the only use for recalling a memory is to gain a foothold on the things that keep occurring to you today because of those memories.

I used to have nightly nightmares. Now I only have them every now and then. They used to ruin my whole day...even a week...now I just wake up, get a drink of water and go back to bed. I used think I remembered myself as an adult, but if I really dig in I can see that my thinking was really more age-appropriate for the time my memory was made. I can also capture some good memories that happened then...because I shut the whole time period while trying to shut out the bad stuff. These are just a few examples.

Recalling my experience gives me perspective...and some distance from it. I don't feel angry as often. Time also helps. Middle age is wonderful this way...but I wish I knew then what I know how, as the story often goes.

Perhaps there are no mistakes and things you think you'd do differently were meant to be done exactly as they were done. We are born alone and we die alone. This is a very individual journey.

I have a treasure trove of friends and former lovers...all of whom warm my life today. Today is pretty cool most of the time. Now all I need to do is graduate from school...again.

October 3, 2006
6:54 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Devon,

I think you and I crossed purposes by making unwarranted assumptions about each other.

For now, I would just want to say…

Devon:

It is always exciting for me when an AAC poster “comes out” as being a teacher, or health care professional, or scientist.

Because of my peculiarity, that sets you and me up for instant …something.

I would like you and I to not only get along, but to actually play for the same team.

It’s the education team. It’s the life-saving team.

It’s Nurses! It’s Teachers!

Nurses and Teachers are going to continue to make a difference in this world so help me God.

October 3, 2006
7:30 pm
Avatar
Devon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Right back at you WD!

But, you know? A good strong debate can be good for the soul sometimes. If you can stand to stay in it long enough to find some common ground.

Sometimes, by staying patiently in an argument, you can express a form of brotherly love to someone....

This can give you a tremendous catharsis.

Thank you for that, WD.

October 4, 2006
9:04 am
Avatar
lovetocrochet
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Boy this has really proved to be a terrific thread! Everyone's made great points. I feel privileged to just read it.

October 4, 2006
10:14 am
Avatar
Devon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Not too shabby for a "jolly old jab at the round table," eh, LTC?

October 4, 2006
10:24 am
Avatar
lovetocrochet
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

LOL, no, not bad at all!

October 4, 2006
12:25 pm
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Bevdee (and you too Devon)

"As an adult, I made choices, though I may not have realised or admitted to myself the underlying reasons. It has only been since I have accepted the responsibility and started shedding the victim mentality that I have made any progress at all toward healing and self awareness. It is still a work in progress. "

Couldn't have said it better myself!

Lolli

October 4, 2006
6:37 pm
Avatar
gracenotes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Worried Dad,

Did you ever report this therapist abuse to the licensing board in your state? Was this person even licensed? In my state, therapists can lose their licenses for certain conduct. Just curious. That would be the best possible thing to do, and let the powers that be investigate this. There are therapists that definitely lose their licenses over certain events and this sounds like malpractice to me. Sorry if this was already mentioned. This is a large thread and difficult for me to read through.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110914
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38535
Posts: 714196
Newest Members:
Striker1s, marcusz, Keara, Venn, Jolebio, loni89
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer