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child problems
January 15, 2002
4:01 pm
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stressed1
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I wrote a while back and was thankful for your advise. I am in need for it again.

I have an 8 year old son that I am having a problem with. Actually he is a really smart and good kid, but he has a behavior problem in school. It is like he has developed a major "I don't give a sh--" attitude. He will not do his homework or school work. But it is not like he can't do he just won't. And he does not care. Nothing in our lives has changed to make him change. I just don't know what to do. I have tried punishing him, but it does not work. I try reasoning with him and that does not work. I really do not what else to try. I have had him talking to the school counselor to see if maybe he would open up to her, but so far nothing. This has been going on for about a month now and just seems to get worse. Any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated.

Thanks.

January 15, 2002
5:40 pm
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Molly
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what kind of remarks does she make about the teacher, is there a relationship ? What about friends, how is her social circle, new friends, or is she left out ? Problems with a particular friend, any one sick or going through problems there since all is the same at home ? Is the child in day care, or are you a stay at home mom ? Problems and questions would be the same for day care. How is she in school, is she bored, or is it difficult for her, any visual problems or diabetes in the family that you could look for ? Sinus infections, cutting molars, or now don't freak out on me, what about hormonal changes, if she is a big girl they usually start earlier, have never figured out the weight thing, but was blown away when my kid started at 10. How about that for darts on the ole dart board ? Good job mom, ya know the one thing I know for sure is time is of the essence.

January 15, 2002
6:07 pm
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gypsygirl
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My son is having the same problem. He was yelling at his teacher, and the playground attendant. He gets really angry now. He is gonna be seven on the first of february. Must be an age thing. I am taking him to therapy. He has been twice now. Adjustment disorder, and impulse control. I was thinking it was because he was stressed about what I have been going through, but now I just think it is a kid thing. I am just glad he is not a girl.

January 16, 2002
3:49 pm
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stressed1
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Actually my son does not seem angry about anything he just don't care. We had an o.k night last night but I had to stay in his room in order for him to do him homework. And at this point he has gotten himself behind so he still has a lot to do.

He seems to like his teacher just fine. he does not say anything negative about her. As far as friends go he doesn't have any real close one's. And the boys he hangs out with in school seem to always be mentioned when he gets in trouble. I do work therefore he is in daycare but he loves his daycare. I seriously do not know what his problem is.
By the way I do have a daughter also and she will be 10 in April. My gosh I am not looking forward to her hormones going crazy and her starting. I hope she is a late bloomer for my sake and hers. Any more comments appreciated.
Thanks

January 16, 2002
4:08 pm
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jess2
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if you had to stay in his room for him to do his homework, how bout spend a little time with him letting him explain it to you and show you what hes doing? if your interested in what hes doing maybe he will care more? i dunno, just some thots.

jess2

January 16, 2002
4:10 pm
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gypsygirl
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maybe he just needs a good ass wopping, just kidding. find ways to motivate him. Ask him flat out. That is what i do with my son. I talk with him like he is a real person, not like a child. I have to explain alot of things but it mostly works. I tell him about concequences and stuff like that, He responds pretty well to that. My son is a procrastenator when it comes to homework, but we have a new rule where he cannot play till it is done. I couldn't always make sure of that befoe cause I was working and doing school, but now I just mother and nothing else.

January 16, 2002
5:58 pm
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Ladeska
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And where is his father? Unfortunately, the thing is - boys need their male father figure. I guess....the way it is anymore in Our Society is - we must think - it's okay for the women to just raise the children by themselves! Wish the men in this country WOULD GET A FREAKING CLUE!!! And if you don't want kids - don't spread your sperm!!!

Some boys - need that - more than others do, too. And if it's not there - I would suppose anger, lack of motivation and a number of things would result from that. They can't always identify with a woman - to get what they need. And they really NEED for that role model - to care about them. They can't just go worship an idol that has nothing to do with them and doesn't care back. Doesn't work.

You can tell him all day long how he should do whatever, how great he is, what his potential is, blah, blah, blah - but unless he has a male figure telling him that, someone that he really admires and has a good connection with - it's not really going to register.

Yes, we are women - hear us Roar, but there are some things - we were never designed - to be able to do for our kids. That was the "other half's responsibility". We try, God knows we try.....but, it's not the same as when a Dad does it for a son or a daughter. The meaning of "Daddy" in this country has really taken a nose dive and I would really like to see whoever reads this and is male - do a gut examination of where they stand in this whole scene. Gangs will raise kids. This is true. Or an online pervert will. Or, they will just malform into whatever because they need to be nurtured by - their own kind, their own blood.

If that's not possible with his Dad, then I'd look hard at finding someone in your family or close circle that he does click with and have a heart to heart with them about this. He's young, there's time....but not much more time... You can't be "all" to him, sweetheart...just isn't possible.

January 16, 2002
7:54 pm
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Molly
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The other thing I wonder about, and there is no judgement here, honest, I watch my neighbor, and my stepson, with their kids, the getting them up so early to go to day care , going to school, then home from day care, and I know mom must be just as tired at the end of the day. Its a hard schedule and maybe its his way of getting more attention, or acting out from the stress ? I know they love day care, and they love it when mom shows up, but those are long hours ????????

January 17, 2002
10:04 am
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stressed1
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I am going to try and address some things in the previous posts.
We did not get any homework done last night. Partly because on the long hours as mentioned above. I was to tired to sit in his room and tell him every five seconds to get busy. But having him explain things to me as he is doing them is an idea I am going to try thanks.
No his "sperm doner" is not a part of his life and never really has been. But my boyfriend has been a very important part for the past 3years. When I divorced he gave up his right and that was the end. But my son thinks the world of my boyfriend and vise versa. But I know that is not enough and that has been bothering me too. That is an issue I need to take up with my b.f.

I also agree that some of his behavior in school is boredom and I also agree with your oponion of the drugs. It always amazes me how quickly peoply want to label children and put them on drugs. Not my kids and not in this lifetime.

I really do appreciate all your comments

Thanks

January 17, 2002
2:53 pm
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stressed1
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I am and will be forever grateful to my boyfriend and hopefully future husband for being there for my kids when he did not have to be. I honestly think I would have lost my mind long before now had it not been for his help. My ex is a worthless SOB and I was to young to realise it until it was to late. But I guess I should thank him because I would not be the person I am today if he were not the person he is. Does that make sense?? He would not even know me now. I am not the same naive little girl anymore. And I can not even imagine what life would have been like for my kids had he decided to be a part of their lives. I know every child needs a father, but sometimes I think it best not to have one at all if he was going to be bad at it!!

Thanks Again

January 17, 2002
3:07 pm
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Molly
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Right on sistah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe the boyfriend needs to take somebody fishing, or something like that ?

January 17, 2002
3:54 pm
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stressed1
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Actually the boyfriend took him to a car show last Saturday and spent the whole day with him and I took my daughter to the movies. We are triing everything. And one thing was spending more one on one time with kids. I am not sure what the plans are this weekend but we are triing. It just gets so frustrating when it seems like nothing works.
Please keep writing it helps to get this all off my chest.
Thanks

January 17, 2002
5:11 pm
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Molly
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Parents and children stuck in an evolution, we are science projects, all you can do is keep tossing stuff against the wall and something will stick, lots of love, patience, and openess to the possibilities. Did you try food alergies ? Cutting teeth ?

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