Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Child molester spouse
October 11, 2008
1:45 am
Avatar
webanne
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know this is a touchy subject and I am sure I will recieve 1000 negs to every pos. But I have heard there are actually women out there married to reformed child molesters. If there is please share with me how you do it and not be co dependent and hints to help me not him......

My concern is how I can be healed while he is getting help to heal himself......If he makes it that is great and I will be proud of him but not if it cost me my soul.

October 11, 2008
3:22 am
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Webanne,

Regardless of what people say or think, the final decision of who to let in your life in yours. I guess the first question would be if this spouse abused one of your/his children and if they are living with you guys while he gets better? If there is children involved in this, I would suggest thinking carefully about what sharing a home with their abuser will do to them since they do not have the choice to stay or leave. This decision could come to haunt you in the future. If you read these threads you will see people who are the product of such situation and how much work they now have to do to recover from this.

The healing of this situation all lies on this man and as far as research shows full recovery is very rare. There is always a danger that he will reoffend. So if you choose to stay with this person, know that there is a possibility of him reoffending, even if he gets help. You also cannot be party to any activity that will bring him in close contact to kids without disclosing what you know, because you could be held liable should he reoffend in such a place.

I research everything on rehabilitating sex offenders and then decide if this is how you want to spend your life. All the best to you!!!

Keep posting!

October 11, 2008
10:25 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I agree with fantas, ultimately the decision to stay with him is yours.

There are many factors you need to look at with this situation for yourself.

Fantas pointed out the biggest, research as proven that child molesters rarely recover from this disorder and the possibility of him re-offending is very real.

If it was someone in your family he offended that person certainly needs as much professional help as possible as well as support from family. You remaining with the offender may cause you to lose your family entirely.

Your husband will now need to be registered as a sex offender and your neighbors will be notified. That’s allot to live with, allot of fear and judgment coming from people all around you.

I would strongly suggest you seek counseling for yourself to work on this issue along with your codependency.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 12, 2008
11:44 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Why would you settle for someone that mentally/emotionally ill? Whose risk of relapse (repeat offense) is so high?

I also strongly suggest that you seek counseling for yourself, to understand why you would settle for such a living nightmare, instead of a healthy relationship.

- Ma Strong

October 12, 2008
12:57 pm
Avatar
notcool
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

you have alot to consider in the relationship. People can only do to you what you allow them to do. That is the key to any relationship. It is based on what you will allow in your life.

October 12, 2008
2:57 pm
Avatar
thewall
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I just recently attended a very intense seminar by a psychologist who specializes in the study of the mind of child molesters. He has interviewed them daily since 1970, studied their computer content since 1970 as well and is able to conviscate the things on the computer that one tries to hide or delete. (only if the perp is on probation can he be "watched" on a computer).

The consensus is that it takes a child molester 20-30 YRS of INTENSE therapy AND supervision for them to be able to stop for good. Some do not ever stop, despite therapy. And the ones who dont ever get therapy, never stop as well.

Try to imagine yourself being ok with molesting a child. "Not for a billion yrs" you might say. Thats how a child molesters mind works, but in the opposite direction. He or she tries to imagine what it would be like NOT to molest or be attracted to children. Impossible.

So, you need to ask yourself.....
do you really want to devote the rest of your life with this man, knowing that even after 20-30 yrs in therapy, he still may molest children? Thats alot of yrs to put on hold. Is he worth it?

October 12, 2008
6:11 pm
Avatar
Shep
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Webanne, has he been found out or are you trying to handle this on your own?

Shep

October 13, 2008
8:57 am
Avatar
pilot_tress
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Webanne,

If I may, let me give you a different spin on this. You did not specify whether you have children, ( in house or not )but if you do, were he/she/they the ones abused? Were they family members children? Consider very carefully what you are willing to go through for this deviant ( one who diverges from the accepted norm, usually sexually, also called a pervert ) because you are going to be a target. And it will tear YOU apart. And you are NOT strong enough...1; you did not walk away from him when this immoral sickness came to light, and 2; you are here asking what you should do. If you were strong enough to face the wolves, you would not need to ask for direction.

I am the UNwilling recipient of sexual abuse by the one man I was supposed to look up to and trust. To gauge my own boyfriends/husband after, to COMPARE with and to. My ' mother ' saw what he was doing to my two siblings ( verbal, physical, mental, emotional...) but claims to not have been aware of what he was doing to me since age 1. She has yet to PROVE that is true, because everything points to that being a lie, a gross and devastating thing to realize for a child, even an adult. She FOUND out in '83,...25 years ago...and she is still with him. I and my sister has given her a place to go several times. She goes back. She is even telling her church members what a great person he is. Trying to get him reactivated ( he was removed for what he did to me )saying how much good he can do.

Heres what her life is...as they have had to move around the countryside because of his reputation, a letter follows in the church, to for warn the members that he is a serious threat to the young ones. He has never gone for treatment of ANY kind, and so is not ' cured '. Word gets out,( which she feels is wrong ) they get rejected, ostracised within the congregations, and then the neighbors find out, people in the communities. She is screamed at, cussed at, called names that are horrible. People look at her with contempt. She has NO friends. They move again. And again. They live in poverty...literally. He does not work, and has not for YEARS!!! And WE, her children, now not only hate him for what hes done to all of us, but we have lost ALL respect for her as well.

By her staying with him and making every excuse in the book for him, she has by her actions shown us that she was in complete agreement with what he did to us! It no longer matters what comes out of her mouth! Her actions prove otherwise!!! I, for one, have divorced them from my life. This pervert abused 6 kids that I know of, and she refuses to look at things in a world of reality! She did, and does, choose him over us, her own children. Yes, we are adults NOW, but she chose him when we were babies, toddlers, preteens, teens, too.

Can you live with this kind of life? Can you stand by someone who has shattered the mental, emotional and physical well being of innocent children? Can you stand up for and fight for someone you CANNOT trust? Can you take on on his fight as your own, to be judged by others as he will be judged?
Whoever he abused..their lives will NEVER, EVER be as it was intended. Whether it was one time, or years, they will never be able to completely TRUST, to look at the world around them with wonder. It will be a struggle for them. And so many thousands of the worlds problem children ARE SUCH thanks to men and woman like this.

If you choose to stay, know the hell that will follow you BOTH! You will NOT be looked at with respect. NO ONE will look at you with sympathy, compassion, will NOT look at you as a martyr. They will look at you as they do him...a PERVERT. And he STILL IS!!!! You and he CANNOT explain this away...ever!

Yes, this is a response with angry notes in it, not one you probably wanted, but you need to know how your children ( if the abused are yours ) will view you, and how your peers will view you. And dont think for a moment...not one moment...that what he has done wont get out!

Are you ready for this?

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
48
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110959
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe, lianot, dagaf, duminy
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information