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child abuse
January 26, 2001
10:26 am
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gastonma
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Hello. I am 25 and my mother still abuses me. She has always controlled my life and hurt me anyway she could and she always made apologies and promises not to ever do it again. For the past six months she has been living with my husband, myself and our 9 month old baby girl. She has verbally abused me and has made me feel like I was worthless. I have contemplated suicide many times. There is really not enough space here for me to tell the whole story. I kicked her out today, because if I do not then I will kill myself or her, but I know she will come crawling back. She is 45, and has a 5, 9 and 18 year old also and she abuses them. What am I going to do?

January 26, 2001
10:39 am
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Cici
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You are in a stressful position. For now, until you can be in a mor sstable state of mind, keep her out of your life. If she comes crawling back, tell her you can't afford to have her living with you. Stop taking her calls and get yourself together, first. YOU are what is important right now. Focus on your own family.

When you are strong enough you may be able to deal with her abusive nature by confronting her and then (hopefully) forgiving her and moving on. But for now, put your foot down. Focusing on getting yourself happier and healthier. You can't live your life for your mother, you are an adult.

Good luck - keep posting. We are here to support you.

January 26, 2001
4:24 pm
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pg lova
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Gastonma,

I am a minister and what I am going to tell you do do is pray. Although we cannot always see it, God has a reason for things to happen the way that they do. Keep your head up and be strong! The best thing that you could have done is to put your mother out. All of this anguish, you don't need. Secondly, if at all posssible try to get your siblings out of her custody and to your own (if you can afford to). This way, she has some time to get help. Now, while you're going through this storm, I want you to know that like the song says "God's eye is on the sparrow and He watches over you." What that means is that he cares even for the tiniest of His creations. HE cares about the birds in the air, the water in the see, the sun and the moon, even the air we breathe. Now, it says in the Bible that God cares for people more than anything. So if He cares so much about the little creations, then you know He cares a lot about you and your mother. He loves you, you're made in His image. In fact, God loves people more than anything. He opted to sacrafice His only son rather than let His people go. Pray for your Mom, and let her know that you love her but the abuse and the pain are an intolerable matter that not even saying sorry can atone for. Then, try slowly to mend your relationship with your mother. Then, once you do everything that you possibly can, just stand and let God do the rest.

May the Lord bless and keep you,
PG Lova

PS.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to e-mail me at [email protected].

January 26, 2001
4:46 pm
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janes
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I can relate to the varbally abusive controlling mom thing. Mine is too.

To be honest I don't like her very much.

You are lucky to realize so early that she is abusive. It took me years...of trying to live up to her expectations, beleiving her accusations and so forth.

If she abuses your siblings...and you can see the marks...turn her in.

Get counseling for you. The abuse didn't start when she moved in did it?
A counselor can help you sort out helpful and unhelpful emotions about the situation....esp. if she has said or done things that have made you contemplate suicide.

You HAVE done the right thing. You need your own home and family.

You are already far ahead of her in awareness, self worth and intelligence.

It is hard when it' s "Mom" but there is no law that says your mom has to be sane.

It's not fair...but it's life and you need to make yours, your children's and your husbands as free of stress as possible.

You have taken the firststeps to show her you are your own person.

Now pamper yourslef and do not let guilt allow her back in...for now.

She can change if she wants...but that's up to her. You can change your attitude towards her...your reaction to her abuse (you're grown up...who gives a flying *!#&_ what she thinks now?)
And how you treat her.

You are in charge of you and she is incharge of herself...never you!!!!

good luck.

this may post twice

January 26, 2001
6:38 pm
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Molly
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Stay strong, and keep the door locked. This is kind of hard for me to say, as my daughters, have done their own form of tough love on me recently. I however am confident, that they are spoiled, looking for perfection, and abuse, well that can get left to their intrepretation, I did make them work while going to college, and called them on their integrity. But if she is 45 with three children, and living in your home, that says lots about her not being responsible, which could contribute to her behavior, or emotional stability. Stand your ground, my mom and I at one point didn't talk for 4 years, it was peaceful, we both got to grow up during that time. to have taken her in with a new baby, she should have respected that she was a guest, and honored her daughter. I can't imagine how you let her in, as you mentioned history. I listen to Dr,Laura lots, and sometimes especially with my own parenting issues with my girls, sometimes get my buttons pushed when she states that you don't have to put up with evil parents, but she is right, and I know that I was, or am not evil. So ditch the guilt, your child and husband is what you must be focused on, as well as your self, so take a deep breath, and celebrate the peace.

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