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Chelonia is overwhelmed and needing advice and hugs
July 8, 2007
2:28 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Things were going well for a bit, but now they are headed down again...

I have been reading books and working on getting my house in order. Making progress in realizing things about myself and starting to feel better about things in general...

When my coworker who is jelous and is has focused on me to try to destroy everything I have saw me eating dinner the other day with my male friend who is also my supervisor. No big deal- there is nothing going on. We both even went and said hi to her and met her parents- even encouraged her to apply for a recent job opening that would give her a promotion.

I just heard from another friend that she is telling everyone that I was gone from work without permission, had lied to her about being at work and that she caught me on a date with my boss- trying to "make up" for not working on Friday.

I am sure this will just pass over and she will look like the idiot, because my day off was planned way in advance and all time off request procedures were followed to the letter, and we were just out eating as friends...

but I am just furious that she is so focused on me. Even my friend said that this chick thinks and talks more about me than she even does- and she is probably my best friend. She is obsessed with destroying my career with this organization.

At first I want to confront her, but I think that would get twisted too. Then I am considering just doing nothing and if it continues file harassment charges with HR against her. But I really don't want to do that because that would ruin her career. She has potential to do a lot of good- if she would just pull her head out of her rear and stop being so jelous.

I have backed out of being involved in the professional community so she can have more of the spotlight and get the recognition she needs. But people still search me out to do things because they like the way I do them- which really fuels her rage against me.

I almost lost my male friend the last time she reported it to his supervisor (she said my recent divorce is because I am having an affair with this guy). If it happens again, he definately won't do anything with me because he can't risk tainting his career or mine. We get along so well and I really need his support right now. I can tell him anything and he is cool with it.

Please post any advice or support for this situation. I am so upset over it right now.

I'm going to go do yard work for a bit, maybe I'll feel better.

I just feel so helpless to change this situation because this crazed coworker is so out of control- and she is a good worker so some of the people that she has done favors for listen to her. Of course there is always the factor of people wanting to beleive and pass on juicy gossip- regardless of reality or the effect it might have on those involved. I am also feeling so vulnerable right now because I don't have the emotional strength to fight this lunatic in a professional way. I also NEED this job. I LOVE my job and really don't want to risk having anything bad happen to it.

Thanks for listening,
Chelonia

July 8, 2007
2:35 pm
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chelonia mydas
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I also want to add that this male friend of mine is one of the few guys to really appreciate me for my work and have a platonic relationship with me. (I had a couple of professors in college whoh also looked at me this way- which is when I started to realize that I was more than just a guys sex toy) It isn't about my body. Since my husband left me when I decided to try to work through issues related to child abuse and molestation and as a result requested that we not engage in sex for a while. Having a platonic male friend in my life is also very important to me.

July 8, 2007
3:19 pm
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It No Longer Matters
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Chelonia,
I am new here and have mostly posted about myself and my issues and failings, but I was glad I read your post. I am depressed as well. I have moved from 1800 sq ft to 900 sq ft. I am overwhelmed and seem to wander aimlessly, but I can help you with one thing. I subscribe to Flylady.net. She talks about F L Y: Finally Loving Yourself. She talks about the clutter in our lives and the clutter in our heads. She talks about just letting go. But she also sends out daily reminders to put out you "hotspots" (you know the place where you dump everything). Start decluttering your life. She tells you how and you only have to do it for 15 minutes at a time and then you don't have to feel guilty because the whole house isn't immaculate. Baby steps is what she keeps saying. there are pampering missions to just go put lotion on your feet or take 15 minutes for a hot bath. You break you house into 5 zones and spend 15 minutes a day in a zone for a week. Then once a week you lightly clean. This way your house is never really filthy.
I know it is easier to have your friends come over and help you whip your house into shape. I have taken that route myself. But then what do you do. In a few weeks it is messy again. Go check her out and let me know what you think. Hope this helps some.

Bitsy

July 8, 2007
6:38 pm
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Rasputin
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Chelonia...oh hon you have a lot on your plate. Divorce, cold mom-law, jealous co-worker, conspiracy from her side, gossips, plotting against you.

You are very Vulnerable right time. Be careful, don't let this platonic relationship turn into something romantic. Remember you're on the rebound and anything may make you react.

Do you have female genuine gfs? They could be your best allies. You really need something like that at that critical time in your life when you're hurting.

I know a lot about jealous people be it at workplace, school, so called friends etc. I can't stand them, they really make your life hellish. Don't do anything detrimental to that jealous co-worker. Just try to keep your distance from her and keep it strictly business. This is what I do when I have to interact with people I don't like at work. Works best.

I hope you will feel good soon!

(((Hugs)))

July 8, 2007
7:41 pm
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tooscared
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Hugs from me too (((Chelonia))). Co-workers can make life really stressful when they have an agenda to hurt and destroy you and they feel justified for some strange reason. Don't let this person steal your joy and peace of mind. Hang in there and know you are a sweet and loving person.

Love, TS

July 9, 2007
11:41 am
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chelonia mydas
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Bitsy, Ras, TS-

Thanks for your support. I'm hanging in there with this. I have a few alternate plans in my head in case this gets blown way out of proportion and I end up getting fired- but that is a worst case situation. I don't think it will happen. I am hoping that HR sees through this insanity and tells her to knock it off. But life is rarely so logical- especially when it comes to beleiving the boring truth or indulging in gossip.
But life will go on- this isn't the worst thing to happen and it won't be the last time things aren't fair.

I feel like this situation is more of a lesson for the jelous gal more than me. I just need to stay on my path and let her world continue on in its own direction. The more energy I put toward her issues, the less energy I have left to deal with mine. Its just so easy to get angry, scared and lash out at such things. But now that I have considered the absolute worst that can come of it and have a plan for what I can do if that happens- I'm going to try to just let it go.

Thanks for continuing to be there,
Hugs,
Chelonia

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