Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Chelonia is overwhelmed and needing advice and hugs
May 29, 2007
11:11 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I hope your meeting with the lawyers goes well for you today. When my step-daughter was going through her divorce, her mil took the stand and lied about not gifting their down payment on their home and said it was a loan. It was very infuriating for my step-daughter and myself for that matter. I don't understand how anyone can outright lie for their children. I would never lie for my daughters. I want them to be responsible and accountable for the choices they make in life.

Hopefully you will be able to share your truth and be heard.

((((Chelonia))))))

I am glad that you are enjoying your life fully and sharing your love with your pets. I admire your strength and courage!

May 29, 2007
2:21 pm
Avatar
Tiger Trainer
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 5
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((chelonia)) do a little bit every day.

May 30, 2007
11:42 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Hi Chelonia,

How are things going? What happened when you met with your stbx?

hugs,
ella

June 2, 2007
9:31 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MJ, Tiger Trainer and Ella,

The pets I am caring for have been overwhelming and I haven't had time to sleep let alone get online...

My stbx and I settled and the divorce is now a matter of court paperwork.

I have tomorrow off from work, so will post the details then.

Sorry to be gone for so long, but it is all I can do right now to try to care for the 60+ critters in my care and work a full time job and deal with the divorce stuff...

Thanks for your support and care,
Chelonia

June 3, 2007
11:31 am
Avatar
Anam Cara
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 19
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hugs AC

June 3, 2007
1:58 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

It does sound hectic for you Chelonia. I hope that you can get some rest today. Is the 60 critters a temporary situation? Glad that you were able to settle the divorce financial matters. Hope that you can find peace and serenity.

June 3, 2007
2:18 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((Chelonia)))) Hang in there. I haven't read any of your other posts so I am wondering how come you have so many animals..

June 3, 2007
8:30 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Anam, MJ and Fantas,

Thanks for stopping by today.

I took some time for me today and hung out in my friend's pool. It was wonderful.

I am running a bit behind though so still don't have time to post all the details. I'll try to get to it later- probably this week sometime.

Yes the 60+ critters is temporary. Two of my friends have gone to Costa Rica for 3 weeks, I have 10 more days until they return....

I normally have 6 dogs, 8 cats, 7 birds and 5 turtles of my own- all of them are rescues and none of them were able to be adopted out (or they were returned numerous times) I no longer do rescue, but they are what I have from over a decade as an animal rescuer.

Between my two friends they have 17 dogs, 21 cats, 7 donkeys and 9 horses.

They have the barn guys that are caring for 5 of the donkeys and 9 horses, so all I have to do is check to be sure the barn guys are doing their job for those 14 critters.

All the others are mine to care for, which would be normally managable for me, but the week before they left many of them got injured/sick...

2 of the dogs are undergoing heartworm treatment, which was started the day before they left- so they are now on cage rest and taking medication that increases their food/water intake, which means they need to be walked 5-6 times a day. One of the heartworm dogs had a severe reaction to the medication so I have been having to provide extra care for him.

One of the cats had FUS (where their urine crystalizes and blocks them from peeing) 4 days before they left.

Another dog was attacked by other dogs and nearly killed 10 days before they left, so I am now treating multiple infected bite wounds. That dog has already had an additional surgery while under my care to drain some of the wounds.

Another dog is being treated for mange- they rescued him 1 week before they left. He needs meds and baths every 48 hours.

Another dog was stomped by a horse 3 days before they left and was partly paralyzed. She has made great improvements while they are gone, but it has taken lots of physical therapy in the pool to get her back legs working again.

And while they have been gone one of the cats got its paw crushed and is now in a splint and on cage rest...

Then last night one of my dogs got his ear caught in the fence and ripped a chunk of it off... so I am now treating him too.

An in addition to all of this, one of my friends transplanted over a dozen trees a few days before she left in her yard that should be watered every other day- but I haven't had time to do it often enough and so they are now dying.

Its just too much. If these were my pets, I would have canceled the trip, but they didn't... so I am doing the best I can.

But this experience has given me a chance to reflect back on the way I used to live- where I worked way too much. I now realize that I don't want to live like this any longer. So as much as I complain about it now, it is providing me with insights into who I was, who I am and where I am going in life that I wouldn't have had without all this going on.

I'll post more later... there are a few things that I have realized in the last week or so that I really want to share... a few of those life-changing-someone-turned-a-light-on-in-my-head moments.

June 3, 2007
11:24 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Chelonia-

Wow, you DO have a lot on your plate. Is there any way you can get help from some kids you know, relatives, etc.? (Older teens preferably) to to the safe stuff? What about having a friend or neighbor or coworker come and help and buying them a dinner or coffee? I don't know if that's realistic for you. I wish I could be there to help! I love animals.

Your friends might not have realized what they were asking to begin with, if so, I hope they do things for you in return and appreciate what you have done. Well, at least know that the animals are that much better off with your care.

Sometimes we do have to run ourselves ragged before we realize our limits. I just made a promise to people at work- outside my normal responsibilities, and now I'm kind of stressed out about it. But no way does it measure up to the commitment you made! In fact, I read all of what you do and I feel kind of silly worrying about my little lists of tasks. You're pretty amazing! Still, I see myself doing the same thing extending myself- saying yes before I consider the toll it might take on me. I do this at work when it's not at all necessary. Thank goodness this is a one day thing, it's the prep I'm worried about.

Animals really tug on your heartstrings and it's hard to resist coming to their rescue. Most people walk around with blinders on. Too bad there isn't more of a balance, more people sharing the responsibilities of caretaking, and taking care properly, so less people like you will have to feel obligated to take up the slack for those who are irresponsible. It would be nice if you could just enjoy your love of animals without becoming over burdened, but I'm sure you've made a world of difference in some lives. I understand how hard it is for you to set your boundaries here and limit yourself.

Hope you do a lot more swimming! That is great! I just got a bathing suit (a fear of mine, whole different thread) so I can go swimming with my sister. I'll let you know how that went. I'll need moral support.

Hang in there, in ten days this will be behind you and the animals to.

hugs,
ella

June 3, 2007
11:34 pm
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Going to bed soon But....(((((chelonia))))))...Hope you get through everything ok. I know the feeling of being overwhelmed.

June 4, 2007
4:16 am
Avatar
Tumbleweed8
Member
Members

Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((Chelonia)))) Take care, okay.

June 4, 2007
12:13 pm
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow, I can so relate.

I use to have a hard time telling people I worked for NO. I had a new home and one of my clients asked me if I would keep their dog for 2 weeks. OMG...what a learning experience for me. Within a day, the dog had chewed one of my new blankets and ruined every blind in my home. They never offered to pay for the damages and shortly thereafter released me from their employment. It taught me to take care of myself first. I still struggle with NO but it is getting easier.

I can't imagine the responsibility you have been managing these past weeks. I would have felt more than overwhelmed. I hope you put yourself first.

My neighbors across the way always ask for their pets to be watched while they are gone, but have never offered the return favor. They just put their home up for sale and for this I am grateful. I believe in give and take.

I had another friend who had me watch their monster kitty while they went on a cruise. They asked me the day before. I felt like I couldn't say No. You find out who your friends are fast. I am learning to say No and Mean it.

Love to YOU

June 4, 2007
1:43 pm
Avatar
vinny
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline
June 6, 2007
11:22 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tonight is one week from the last night I saw my ex. I had hoped to have the time and energy to share more, but I am exhausted and drained.

Tonight a doorknob broke and I locked a dog and cat into a bedroom. Took most of the night to fix it, then I had to tie the doorknob to a nail in the wall to keep it shut. I hope the dog who sleeps there at night doesn't get out... she will harrass one of the dogs who sleeps in a crate... but at least its not a life threatening situation... at least I hope not.

Only one week left of petcare and then I can focus on just me and only my pets. I hope to have more time and energy then.

OK I'm just rambling because my brain it too tired to think straight.

Good night all, thanks for being there for me in this overwhelming period of my life.

Thanks,
Chelonia

June 11, 2007
10:17 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi everyone,

Just two more days of pet sitting and they come back... I can't wait. Most of the sick/injured pets are now either fully recovered, or much better. This past weekend I spent a lot of time sleeping or relaxing in the pool- just trying to get up the energy to go back to work today.

The divorce will be final in the next two weeks. He has signed off on the papers, I have to go in tomorrow AM and sign them, then it goes to the courthouse where the judge signs it. Once that happens then it is over.

I am so emotionally drained- I am starting to remember all the good things about him and I haven't forgotten the bad, but I know I will miss the times when we really enjoyed eachother. When i evaluate it, I know how toxic this relationship was, but I still am feeling sad over what might have been.

I'll post the story I have wanted to share with you for two weeks now after I get a bite to eat.

June 11, 2007
10:38 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The night before he left to the Pacific Coast (2 weeks ago) he gave me an envelop that really made me realize how toxic things were. This realization wasn't just a logical one, but something I felt in my soul. Maybe for the first time, I accepted on an emotional level that he really wasn't good for me. It was like going back into a smoke filled bar after you have been out in the fresh night air. You don't realize how suffocating it was, until you can contrast it with something better.

First let me share some history on the situation:
14 years ago he coerced me into allowing him to take photographs of me. (for some people nude photos aren't a big deal, but this ties into previous childhood abuse, so for me it was a very big deal). I have forgotten the details of it all (or choose to forget).

My dad had always cut my hair- I kept it long and he trimmed it to save money. It was the last thing he did before he died. He died 2 months before I got married.

4 years ago we lived in the Northern part of the US. We agreed to settle down and stay for a while (we ended up living there 18 months before moving to the house I am in now). At this time I wanted to cut my hair and donate it to Locks Of Love. This would have been the first time since my dad died 8 years prior that I had even considered cutting my hair.

My ex had a fit and said that I would have to allow him to take nude photos of me before he would let me cut my hair. At this time I had forgotten about the photos a decade prior- but had run across them a few weeks after this argument while unpacking boxes. I placed the photos in a card asking if I could now cut my hair since he now had nude photos of me with long hair. He refused and I refused to let him take another set of photos.

A few months later he moved to the Gulf Coast while I stayed to pack and sell the house up North. During this time I cut my hair and donated 14 inches to Locks of Love. He was angry and didn't speak to me when I first arrived and he saw my hair.

Until two weeks ago, I had completely forgotten about those photos. When he gave me that envelop, I stuck it in my pocket and opened it after we had said our goodbyes and I had gotten home.

When I saw those photos and read the card everything just hit my like a train. I felt my current freedom. I could see my spritual and emotional growth of the past few years. At this moment I understood the reality of my previous life. The fact that I felt I had to get permission to cut my hair, that I would trade nude photos for it... gave me a whole different view. Like a stranger looking in on someone else's life- but yet it was my own, and my actions, decisions. I cried from the depths of my soul for it all. Not just the past 15 years, but the past 32. When I was finished, I washed my face and...

then I burned the photos, the card and figurtively set fire to my past. I said goodbye to the abused little girl who was unable to defend herself. I said goodbye to the young adult who chose to stay for years in a situation that only reinforced her feelings of worthlessness and subserviance and martyrdome. I cremated my former life and like the mythical pheonix, a newer and better and stronger person was born from those ashes. One who has found that she is worthy of life and happiness. I have intrinsic value not based on how I can serve others, but based on making healthy life choices for me. As the smoke filled my kitchen and I opened the windows and doors to air out the house. I knew that I was clearing not only the air in my physical home, but also the air in my mental and emotional home.

The next day while he was on his way across the country, to move 3000 miles away from me; I cut my hair to my shoulders. I donated 16 inches this time to Locks of Love. I love my new haircut, it is easy to take care of and if you don't mind me saying so, I look good, I feel good and for the first time in my life beautiful isn't dangerous.

June 11, 2007
11:12 pm
Avatar
turnabout
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

"It was like going back into a smoke filled bar after you have been out in the fresh night air. You don't realize how suffocating it was, until you can contrast it with something better."

Nice analogy.

I'm so sorry you didn't get the hugs here that you needed last week. Here are mine, belated, though still fierce.

{{{{{{{{{{Chelonia}}}}}}}}}}

Be brave. The best is yet to come. And it never comes without trying our strength. Self-respect is definitely worth fighting for.

June 12, 2007
11:50 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We signed the divorce decree today... now it is in a pile of papers waiting for a judge to sign it. In just the past year, I have gone from asking for some time to heal from past abuse to divorced. Life has a strange way of working out. Its not always what you want, but sometimes it might be just what we need.

On top of everything- one of my coworkers has made a formal complaint with Human Resource dept that I am sleeping with my boss and that is why I get all the media interviews. She has also started a rumor that this affair is the reason for my divorce.

She is having issues because she wants to be the center of attention and feels that all media interviews etc should go to her. As PR coordinator, it is my job to work with the media- which means that I do get interviewed more than her. She is a biologist, so she can also speak to the media when it relates to her projects. I haven't given her many interviews lately, because she released information that was not public. When I tried to coach her on it, she argued with me and said she would do it again because it is her project. But because she made a formal compaint to HR, both of us are being investigated and it will probably affect our careers.

HR has also requested that we discontinue our friendship. He is like a brother to me. We listen to eachother and share ideas about how to make the workplace nicer- evaluate coworkers and try to come up with ways to mitigate some of their damaging behaviors etc. We have actually worked together to try to come up with ways where this biologist can be in the public spotlight but not in a position where she could continue to make mistakes.

Just one more thing life has thrown at me this year.

I will get through it, just hoping I won't break.

Thanks for your support,
Chelonia

June 13, 2007
12:07 am
Avatar
Tumbleweed8
Member
Members

Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((Chelonia)))) I'm sorry I wasn't on earlier to post. And I'm sorry all this is happening at one time for you. Please take care, okay. Love, TW

June 13, 2007
12:35 am
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi TW,

Thanks for stopping by and offering support and several much needed hugs. I really need all the encouragement I can get right now.

Tonight is my last night of pet care. My friends are coming back tomorrow... so hopefully I will now have time to deal with my life for a while.

June 13, 2007
10:07 am
Avatar
Tumbleweed8
Member
Members

Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm glad at least the extra pets will be going home soon so you will have that much less to deal with. I know you really need some time just for you and I hope it all works out with everything. Love and Hugs, TW

June 18, 2007
10:47 pm
Avatar
chelonia mydas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 7
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I feel like I am just sliding down a steep hill and no matter how hard or fast I climb, I just keep sliding backwards...

My friends returned angry and bitter. All the work I have done has been scrutinized with superficial thanks thrown on top. They fought their entire vacation and are now back and just continuing the war. I went the entire weekend without taking to either of them... said I had too much to do and just needed some space. Neither has even really acknowledged this difficult time in my life. Not that I expect it to the center of attention, but to act like it is nothing is not what I need either. I realize that neither of them is angry at me, which is why I tried to give them some time away from me... but when I called one of them today the picking at the way I cared for their pets continued.

I'm sorry but I work a 40 hour a week job.. Neither one of them works at all! they have no idea what it is like. Plus dealing with my divorce.

Im just mad at them right now. I tried to talk to them, but they are too angry within their own world to even have the ability to see mine.

So there is another two friends who are not available to help me now.

Things with my friend at work continue to be difficult. We still talk on the phone after work, but I really miss walking with him. My other walking partners are the two other friends that I am avoiding right now and another male coworker who is currently out of town, but hasn't walked with me since my ex filed for divorce. He said that he isn't comfortable walking with me right now, until the gossip subsides.

So I just work around the house. I have put in for time off this summer- over 100 hours. I plan to go through everything and get more organized.

Just feeling so lonely tonight. just a hi and hug from anyone out there would be nice.

Thanks,
Chelonia

June 19, 2007
2:47 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Chelonia,

I just want you to know that you are amazing! Your friends don't know how lucky they are and I hope they figure it out soon.

Divorce is never easy and it really helps to have understanding, a listening ear, and friendship.

(((((CM)))))) I'm here for you too!

June 19, 2007
10:11 am
Avatar
Tumbleweed8
Member
Members

Members
Forum Posts: 29
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Chelonia, I'm sorry they haven't appreciated your friendship and caring for their pets and all. Thankfully, the anger and chaos is on their end though and you certainly don't have to buy into any of that. You need the time now to just look after you and I'm glad you realize that for your sake. Love and Hugs, TW

June 20, 2007
11:15 am
Avatar
mj
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((Chelonia))))))

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 323
Currently Online:
133
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110949
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38555
Posts: 714244
Newest Members:
MarriageResearch, Ailuros, pratavetra, jameshelen77, jasonbloom, brtechnosoft
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information