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Checking in... it feels like I've been kicked in the stomach - NEED PRAYERS
February 16, 2004
8:07 am
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artist 2
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I've been moved out now for two weeks. Before moving my BF and I agreed that it was best to get some distance to work on the relationship. That perhaps some clarity would help. Now he tells me he doesn't feel connected and doesn't know when he will. I mean did this just happen right after I moved out? Have he and his heart been working on a plan for mutiny? I think about the friend in him I used to know, the laughing times and love. It's all gone now...

I just feel like he's pulled out the rug from under me. It's so sudden. It feels like betrayal. My eyes are tired and red. My trust is completely broken. My heart is bruised and sore.

For today I am asking for prayers that I can forgive him in my heart and move forward with better feelings.

February 16, 2004
9:07 am
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jwt
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I have been so wrapped up in my own problems that I haven't followed your story. But, I know what it feels like to have someone you love slip away.

Here's a couple of thoughts. Maybe he is saying this to scare you into runhing back to him. Or, maybe the connection was never there for him anyway. I'm not sure it really matters ... it's ultimately his problem.

Your problem is to get on with your life. I also know how hard that can be. I will say a prayer for you.

February 16, 2004
9:42 am
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Tumbleweed8
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Praying for you and sending lots of hugs!

February 16, 2004
10:49 am
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acj
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(((((((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))))))))

I will definitely keep you in my prayers....

acj

February 16, 2004
12:21 pm
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themis
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I have totally been experiencing the stages of grief and it is with much celebration that I say I've moved beyond the hurt to the Anger......the anger is allowing me to remember what I deserve in my life. The way I should be treated. And ultimately how I love myself! There have even been rays of forgiveness. I'm grateful and now can see why it is a PROCESS and one that we just can't rush! Sure didn't feel that way when I had also felt 'flat on my back'
Be good to you! hugs

February 16, 2004
12:53 pm
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gingerleigh
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Sometimes people grow in different directions. Sometimes what brings us together doesn't last as long as the relationship. Perhaps being away from you is giving him clarity of vision, understanding that the relationship that he had recently with you isn't something he wants. And it has *nothing* to do with you. It doesn't mean that you are a bad person or that something is wrong with you. But the connection isn't there for him, at least that is what he is telling you. I'm not saying it's doomed, Artist. But perhaps for your own protection of your bruised heart you might want to take some time away, let him breathe, and let yourself relax a little. Who knows, with a little time, you both might be able to see what brough you together in the first place. Or you might realize that it's no longer there, and you will be free to move forward with your life.

February 16, 2004
2:36 pm
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artist 2
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But I really miss my friend so much... it hurts so badly. Why can't I ever win???

February 16, 2004
2:44 pm
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gingerleigh
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Depends on your perspective... you know how many women on these threads would kill to be in your shoes? With a great career, lots of talent, no kids to tie you down, a place of your own that you can afford without having to rely on anyone else to support you? You've got something that so many people here don't: freedom and mobility. So in that respect, I think you "won". Compared to all of that, wouldn't you say that you're in a good spot even if your life isn't perfect with the perfect man by your side to share it with? Maybe instead of focusing on the negative you could start by looking at what you do have and drawing strength from that. And that strength is attractive, Artist. It draws prospective partners like bears to honey.

February 16, 2004
2:56 pm
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artist 2
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thank you ginger. I hate to sound whiney. I should look at the positive. After all, maybe he'll coming crawling to me if I give it a few weeks. Pray for me that I can start seeing the positive and get over the deep hurt I'm feeling.

February 16, 2004
3:12 pm
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Pickles
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Just a thought...not certain about the particulars...but men need space...too much dependency on the ladies' part...too much touchy-feely dialogue...too much, period, often sends men packing. If it fits, plan to grow more independent while still offering your love...if it doesn't fit...ignore.
Here I am being fixing everyone's problems again...I'm still in the early learning stages! Sorry!

February 16, 2004
3:15 pm
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gingerleigh
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We all need to whine sometimes. Just so long as we keep it as an indulgence rather than a habit, we're probably safe!

February 16, 2004
3:16 pm
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artist 2
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If what fits? being apart?

Are you saying he wants me to be more independent? He actually did mention that some relationships have to have independent persons.

How the hell can I be more independent than just breaking everything off - because of pain?

February 16, 2004
3:18 pm
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artist 2
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Pickles... I'm listening. Write me back. I think you're on to something and I need to hear more details.

Perhaps I can remain independent and just loving from a distance.

What pisses me off is... how men can just stop feeling anything at all and be ok.

February 16, 2004
3:20 pm
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Zinnie
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Artist,

It's been my experience that the more independent a woman is, the more a man will give and like her.

The more you cling the harder they fight.

February 16, 2004
3:23 pm
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marley
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I am right there with you. Sometimes though I think the only way to really achieve independence is to be on your own completely. Not with a man or thinking about being with a man or waiting for a man (or woman or whatever). When we can accept everything that life can give us, maybe then we won't worry so much about the things we think we want.

Losing a friend is the worst thing in the world, absolutely. But the celts believe that once you are truly friends, time and space cannot seperate you (the touchy-feely girlie kind of talk that men hate I know and probably doesn't make you feel much better) but if this is true than you have not lost anything. It is like the sun on a cloudy day, you just can't see it right now. And does it do any good to scream and the sky - shouting "sunshine now!" absolutely not, but we never seem to worry too much about that because we now it will eventually come.

So it sucks, but it really is no different - if you look at it a certain way. Be happy you have a career and everything else in your life is going well. Apparently you do quite well with the things within your control. So don't focus on the things that aren't a.k.a BF.

February 16, 2004
3:29 pm
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artist 2
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Ah Marley. Thanks... and you know what? I'm thinking it might be daylight after all, and not this cold cold dark night it feels like. You know it's like i know there will be sunlight eventually, just not today.

Like you my solution is to cut him off entirely, as if it were my only option. But there is another option and that is to be his friend anyway.

His valentine's card read "no matter what happens I'll alway love you." Sort of his way of saying "don't flip out girl, i'm still here in spirit." I guess. Men... who the hell knows? I have a hard time figuring them out.

February 16, 2004
3:30 pm
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artist 2
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God I'm exhausted... thank you friends.

February 16, 2004
3:34 pm
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Kessie
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Hi artist, I can see that things aren't OK , so I wont say what I always say, which is how's things. Believe me when I say I know where you're coming from. I've been there, and HOW.
Now I'm going to say something which you wot want to hear. But it has been my experience that when something is over, - deep down you know, even if you dont want to accept it. It is a painful thing, and no matter how hard you concentrate on the good things in your life (ie you have your health, more or less, something to live on etc.) the pain doesnt ever seem to go away. In time it DOES go away, but it is time you need, and no one can speed it up. Sorry Artist it does take some months - I lost a husband, a son and my mum all at the same time more or less, but I'm still standing. Hang on in there, and you will stay standing too.

Lots of love, KXX

February 16, 2004
4:00 pm
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vegas
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I know how you're feeling. You're definitely in my prayers.

be strong!
vegas

February 16, 2004
4:23 pm
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marley
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you know what - I think you got the gist of it, and men? well they are definitely odd.

you should get some rest.

February 16, 2004
4:39 pm
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artist 2
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Thanks... yes it still hurts, but your care and support buffers the pain. It makes me feel stronger, like I might make it.

February 16, 2004
7:34 pm
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Pickles
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Maybe it's cause I'm so old (66)...and the one blessing here is that one does learn (sometimes the hard way)...I learned this lesson as I was dating (my now husband) 24 years ago....I had made SO many mistakes..loving so much;worried about losing and hanging on too hard...finally Ta Da! The bell went off...as we were dating (realize this may be a too little too late)...my classic one liner was..'all I want is your friendship'...'lets enjoy one another's company'...then began developing more interests..always inviting him 'if you have time...if you're interested..' Being Ms. Cool, while inside my tummy was doing flip flops...but as you can see...24 years later...I'm still here, and lucky to be with one of the world's all time great guys...who I just have to let be who he is...if he doesn't want to talk about feelings (most of the time)..ok, no problem...just go give him a kiss and a hug, tell him you're busy w/such and such...or bring him a great dinner u made on a tray...this won't be of much help now...but there will be another TERRIFIC GUY around the corner...just make this one your learning-ground..controlling a guy really doesn't work. Unfortunately, I took my controlling ways out on other people, and I'm now having to un-do alot of harm...oh, well, as long as are all moving forward!! Aloha to all, stay the course!!!

February 16, 2004
7:56 pm
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Zinnie
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Hi Pickles,

You just described my husband and myself. Funny thing... the more we became "friends" - the deeper in love we were. Although he is one of the loves of my life, and I cannot ever imagine life now without him, ultimately he is also my friend. His favorite one-liner regarding us - "we are a team, we do everything for the benefit of us as a family."

Z.

February 16, 2004
8:02 pm
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Kessie
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Hi artist, just thinking of you........love K

February 16, 2004
8:54 pm
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Hi artist

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way.

I really liked ginger's words about what a great spot you are in to begin a whole new life. After all, aren't endings really just new beginnings?

Wish I could just erase the hurt.

I for one really think independence is a really good thing in a relationship. It's more of an "I want you in my life" versus an "I need you in my life." Two people share two lives. And so, live as one. Kind of abstract. But cool.

Hang in there artist. Are you hoping he comes back to you?

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