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July 18, 2002
10:54 pm
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nattie
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Hi friends,
is there anyway we can chat somewhere....I'm feeling really alone and not doing so good. sometimes I hate this fucking world, I hate that I feel alone and all I have is myself. sometimes i don't even care, I don't even know what the hell I'm doing sometimes...i feel like I'm just walking through life everyday get up blah blah...don't know what else to say. not feeling great and i hate this feeling, why can't i just be freaking happy.

July 19, 2002
12:53 am
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damaged
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you know nattie I spent most of my life hateing the fucking world too and not really having much of a care if I lived or died. I didn't hate not feelings good are bad because I kept my feelings medicated most of the time, just didn't feel. I kind of had to get sober if I wanted to stay alive and guess what??? I do have feelings and I do care about life, but it just wasn't handed to me. I had to change what was wrong in my heart. The world around me was the same, it didn't change just because I got sober I had to make the changes with in. You can be happy nattie, just gota figure out what it is that makes you so unhappy and just makes some changes. Might be some work involved. If there is a will there is a way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 19, 2002
1:26 am
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silence
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I hate myself and my life as well. Many people would probably give anything to have the same opportunities in life that I have squandered. But, I wouldn't live my life any other way.

Not only do I put myself down all the time, but I hang out with people that make me feel worse. I have one friend that is a complete asshole that constantly treats me like a child that doesn't understand anything. Then I have another friend who is a nerd and is constantly pointing out how much smarter he is than everybody else in the world.

Do I do anything to change my life? Nope. I'm too lazy and have no motivation to actually fix the things that need to be fixed. Is that depression? Or is that some sort of antisocial behavioral problem? I don't know.

I seem to be rambling pointlessly here. Yeah. I know self-loathing. I've perfected the art in it. I wish I knew what to tell you. Hmm. I seem to say that a lot on here. I never have the answers, just more questions. I'm sorry.

July 19, 2002
1:29 am
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toffee
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Silence aka King Rich-hard, if you ask YOURSELF the right questions you will get, FROM YOURSELF, the perfect answers...give yourself more credit, you could pleasantly surprise yourself. Start out by asking five of the most important questions you have in your life right now and then let that sit in the back of your mind..
Then every night, get out a piece of paper when you are good and sleepy and answer your own questions for a week. Let me know how it goes.

July 19, 2002
2:07 am
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silence
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What do you mean by 5 most important questions? I'm not really asking myself questions that often.

July 19, 2002
2:05 pm
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gypsygirl
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LOL

In my group yestarday we talked about balance and acting and reacting. Alot of people go around in life just reacting to external things, and wind up saying things like why does this always happen to me, she did that to me etc... we did not get to the acting part yet, but it made me think, and I am one of those people that react, I don't do much acting. When I do it is drastic. anyway i don't know what I am trying to say here so i will just shut up now.

July 19, 2002
2:35 pm
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Blue-Eyes
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I read in a survival manual that you can use human hair as dental floss in an emergency. See, your tax dollars that support the military are paying off in valuable info. *ha ha* (In a pinch at the office, I bend paper clips and use them as toothpicks, carefully)

July 19, 2002
2:46 pm
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Blue-Eyes
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I see in some of the threads here references to self analysis questions, so it's time for Blue Eyes' Book Club reference.

This weeks book is called "Intellectual Foreplay" (calm down Blondie)

The book was written by a woman in California who met a man in Hawaii on vacation and they started a long distance relationship. In order to decide if they were compatible before one of them had to move to be together, they started asking each other questions. They eventually did marry and she moved to Hawaii

The book is about all the questions that her friends, family, coworkers, etc submitted to her that allowed her to find out about this guy and whether they would be compatible. The questions range from deep philosophical ones to everyday habits that annoy the shit out of you.

But the book can be used alone as a great reference tool to find out about yourself, since you have to ask yourself the same questions. And early in the book, there is an exercise that asks you to select the top 20 questions you would want to ask someone new in your life, so that helps you focus on what your priorities are in a partner.

Good book. It was recommended to me and I've recommended it to several friends, who have recommended it to thier friends, and so on.....

So that's "Intellectual Foreplay", available online at at bookstores near you. And no, I didn't write it or get kickbacks.

July 19, 2002
2:54 pm
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toffee
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well the key to any great answers for your life are asking the right questions. Get the book "Life Stratgies" by Dr Phil MacGraw..a winner of a book!!

July 19, 2002
2:54 pm
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artist 2
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Blue, you're very handsome.

July 19, 2002
3:15 pm
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Blue-Eyes
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Thank you A2 *blush*

July 19, 2002
4:25 pm
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nattie
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thanks guys,
I get a kick out of your threads sometimes....I guess i'm just stressing about going back to work and thinking of giving up my supervisor position to avoid the stress...everyone seems dissapointed in me cause of the "great opportunity" blah blah. I don't even know where my life is going sometimes and guess all this is making me feel so isolated which i love to do to myself cause I get freaky sometimes when Im with people yet I don't want to be alone anymore....viscous circle. thanks for the feedback everyone. one day at a time....yada yada

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