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CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY
July 23, 2005
10:39 pm
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angel4U
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I just read this on http://drirene.com/abusive_beh.....survey.htm

and thought you might benefit from it as well. The hardest part for me is when I am acting maturely and doing they right things to try to seek solutions to problems/issues/possible misunderstandings in the relationship to better the relationship, and my partner/friend is unwilling to work with me (talk/listen/etc.) and/or is in total denial that there are any problems. I guess this is where the good ole Serenity Prayer comes in that you have to understand the things you can change (you), accept the things you can not change (others), and wisdom to know the difference ... =)

==================
CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY

1. The Ability to Give and Receive Love: Emotional maturity fosters a sense of security which permits vulnerability. A mature person can show his vulnerability by expressing love and accepting expressions of love from those who love him. An immature person is unduly concerned with signs of "weakness" and has difficulty showing and accepting love. The egocentricity of immaturity will allow the acceptance of love, but fails to recognize the needs of others to receive love. They'll take it, but they won't give it.

2. The Ability to Face Reality and Deal with it: The immature avoid facing reality. Overdue bills, interpersonal problems, indeed any difficulties which demand character and integrity are avoided and even denied by the immature. Mature people eagerly face reality knowing the quickest way to solve a problem is to deal with it promptly. A person's level of maturity can be directly related to the degree to which they face their problems, or avoid their problems. Mature people confront their problems, immature people avoid their problems.

3. Just as Interested in Giving as Receiving: A mature person's sense of personal security permits him to consider the needs of others and give from his personal resources, whether money, time, or effort, to enhance the quality of life of those he loves. They are also able to allow others to give to them. Balance and maturity go hand in hand. Immaturity is indicated by being willing to give, but unwilling to receive; or willing to receive, but unwilling to give.

4. The Capacity to Relate Positively to Life Experiences: A mature person views life experiences as learning experiences and when they are positive he enjoys and revels in life. When they are negative he accepts personal responsibility and is confident he can learn from them to improve his life. When things do not go well he looks for an opportunity to succeed. The immature person curses the rain while a mature person sells umbrellas.

5. The Ability to Learn from Experience: The ability to face reality and to relate positively to life experiences derive from the ability to learn from experience. Immature people do not learn from experience, whether the experience is positive or negative. They act as if there is no relationship between how they act and the consequences that occur to them. They view good or bad experiences as being caused by luck, or fate. They do not accept personal responsibility.

6. The Ability to Accept Frustration: When things don't go as anticipated the immature person stamps his feet, holds his breath, and bemoans his fate. The mature person considers using another approach or going another direction and moves on with his life.

7. The Ability to Handle Hostility Constructively: When frustrated, the immature person looks for someone to blame. The mature person looks for a solution. Immature people attack people; mature people attack problems. The mature person uses his anger as an energy source and, when frustrated, redoubles his efforts to find solutions to his problems.

Relative Freedom from Tension Symptoms: Immature people feel unloved, avoid reality, are pessimistic about life, get angry easily, attack the people closest to them when frustrated --- no wonder they are constantly anxious. The mature person's mature approach to live imbues him with a relaxed confidence in his ability to get what he wants from life.

CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY was written by Dr. Jerome Murray,(10) and there is more personal development material at his web site: http://www.betteryou.com/

July 23, 2005
10:42 pm
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angel4U
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yikes, this came out all together. Let me try to repost for easier reading ...

CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY

1. The Ability to Give and Receive Love: Emotional maturity fosters a sense of security which permits vulnerability. A mature person can show his vulnerability by expressing love and accepting expressions of love from those who love him. An immature person is unduly concerned with signs of "weakness" and has difficulty showing and accepting love. The egocentricity of immaturity will allow the acceptance of love, but fails to recognize the needs of others to receive love. They'll take it, but they won't give it.

2. The Ability to Face Reality and Deal with it: The immature avoid facing reality. Overdue bills, interpersonal problems, indeed any difficulties which demand character and integrity are avoided and even denied by the immature. Mature people eagerly face reality knowing the quickest way to solve a problem is to deal with it promptly. A person's level of maturity can be directly related to the degree to which they face their problems, or avoid their problems. Mature people confront their problems, immature people avoid their problems.

3. Just as Interested in Giving as Receiving: A mature person's sense of personal security permits him to consider the needs of others and give from his personal resources, whether money, time, or effort, to enhance the quality of life of those he loves. They are also able to allow others to give to them. Balance and maturity go hand in hand. Immaturity is indicated by being willing to give, but unwilling to receive; or willing to receive, but unwilling to give.

4. The Capacity to Relate Positively to Life Experiences: A mature person views life experiences as learning experiences and when they are positive he enjoys and revels in life. When they are negative he accepts personal responsibility and is confident he can learn from them to improve his life. When things do not go well he looks for an opportunity to succeed. The immature person curses the rain while a mature person sells umbrellas.

5. The Ability to Learn from Experience: The ability to face reality and to relate positively to life experiences derive from the ability to learn from experience. Immature people do not learn from experience, whether the experience is positive or negative. They act as if there is no relationship between how they act and the consequences that occur to them. They view good or bad experiences as being caused by luck, or fate. They do not accept personal responsibility.

6. The Ability to Accept Frustration: When things don't go as anticipated the immature person stamps his feet, holds his breath, and bemoans his fate. The mature person considers using another approach or going another direction and moves on with his life.

7. The Ability to Handle Hostility Constructively: When frustrated, the immature person looks for someone to blame. The mature person looks for a solution. Immature people attack people; mature people attack problems. The mature person uses his anger as an energy source and, when frustrated, redoubles his efforts to find solutions to his problems.

** Relative Freedom from Tension Symptoms: Immature people feel unloved, avoid reality, are pessimistic about life, get angry easily, attack the people closest to them when frustrated --- no wonder they are constantly anxious. The mature person's mature approach to live imbues him with a relaxed confidence in his ability to get what he wants from life.

CHARACTERISTICS OF EMOTIONAL MATURITY was written by Dr. Jerome Murray,(10) and there is more personal development material at his web site: http://www.betteryou.com/

July 23, 2005
10:50 pm
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on my way
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as per usual you offer the best information in regard to sincere growth...this is very interesting. i have actually been printing different pieces that you post, and keeping a notebook along with my otherfavorites i find.

emotional maturity is so important. people can be very intellignet yet act like a child. it is now said, that emotional maturity is just as important as IQ. in fact a few years ago, the Presidents from the last 60 years were measured by todays standards as to what a total IQ represented...it was interesting. those i thought would be emotioanlly immature, Clinton, scored very high...will nto go further with this...
thanks forposting!,,,twice so we could read it better!!!

July 23, 2005
10:55 pm
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sewunique
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Wow, Angel,

You sure are the lady with digging up great sites and information!

Good web site. I just clicked the part about "How to live with a Loser". Seems like a key to help us to recognize how NOT to act codependently!!!

Hope you continue your quest here to share more information and insight! Thanks for this thread, good going here.

Sew/C

July 23, 2005
11:01 pm
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Anonymous
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I LOVE this post

July 23, 2005
11:13 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi angel: that's a great website. I looked at he "Are You a Jerk Test" for men and can honestly say my ex would score a 25. Geez- I make myself sick sometimes.

July 23, 2005
11:19 pm
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sewunique
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sidebar, please, Angel.

OMW,

If Clinton scored highly, coukld it be that he acknowledges his mistakes and actions? The presidental fiasco was not his first. Apparently, both he and his senator wife have gone thru this before, so I actually believe they both have dealt with this problem together of him. He mentions these things in his book "My Life Bill Clinton". So I really wonder if this admission of his 'problem' is part of the higher maturity?

Let's see what all Angel brings forth in this thread.

Thanks, Angel

July 23, 2005
11:36 pm
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sewunique
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SD,

If you are still around here.......how did you find that test on that website Angel mentioned? I did not find it, but I did find it on the other post you just posted on. At least what I know of this guy I know, he scored honestly as not a jerk. The ex, wow, a jerk totally self absorbed!

July 23, 2005
11:47 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Sew: I found it under "Find Your Love". It was one of the selections in the title bar. There's one for women too- but I didn't take it cuz I'm perfect!!!! (hahahahaha). SD

July 24, 2005
12:10 am
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sewunique
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Hahahaha........will let you know how I score..........if it is near perfect!

Tx

July 24, 2005
12:13 am
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sdesigns
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Hi Sew. I posted the test for women- its called "are you a bimbo"? and the good news is- I'm not!

July 24, 2005
12:14 am
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on my way
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sew, good point. moving through, leaving behind, keep going and stronger for it...and people still admire him and like him. have not read his book yet.

July 24, 2005
12:39 am
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sewunique
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SD, good new! I knew that! Aznd so do you!

I am afraid I may not be a bimbo, but a dumbo...........see that thread, my dyslexia (?)gets to me when very tired.

Very well put, OMW, perhaps one of the reasons he, she, they, both survive so well dispite their problems and the media with them being public figures?

I have only read the first chapter and skimmed ahead a bit, so, hope it is good, but ti is long.

July 24, 2005
9:50 am
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lollipop3
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Angel,

Once again....thank you for your posts. I have gained so much wisdom and insight from your threads. You are such a thoughtful person to take the time to find these things and to bring them to this site to share with the rest of us.

(((hugs to you))))

Lolli

July 24, 2005
10:00 am
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Anonymous
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Great post, angel! You have NO idea how much I needed to read that at this very moment. I've had a "light-bulb" moment...thanks to you, my friend!

You rawk!!!

July 24, 2005
10:06 am
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exoticflower
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Angel, thanks so much for this! As I was reading I of course did the thing where I checked them all off as they did or did not apply to my ex (as SD said, 'I'm perfect' after all. Well, maybe so, but when I looked again using myself as the prime example of maturity, well there where a couple blinding examples of immaturity for me...go figure! Well, it mast be at least mature to laugh at myself, right?

I hope you're doing great and that your mother is holding up wonderfully. As ever, thanks again for sharing this great site and interesting list!:)

July 24, 2005
10:17 am
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Rasputin
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Hi Angel, thank you for this sum of lovely info and resources. They are so invaluable. God bless you richly!!!

(((Hugs)))

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