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changing the rules...
January 2, 2006
3:34 am
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Philmore Bowles
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spazzing? Don't worry about that shit lost. I'm not about to judge you - I just want to offer suggestions.

Remember how goofy lookin I am? Is that spazzing? Prolly . . .

January 2, 2006
3:35 am
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Philmore Bowles
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and he never will be. Your husband wouldn't like what I have to say to him . . .

January 2, 2006
3:37 am
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Anonymous
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yeah,

don't worry about that shit!

just be the open honest you that you are.

Phil, you goofy looking? Now I'm the lost one.

January 2, 2006
3:39 am
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Philmore Bowles
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Oh yeah - oddly perportioned and facial hair and glasses! eeewww! 😉

January 2, 2006
3:39 am
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Philmore Bowles
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but let's not get sidetracked on my issues right now.

January 2, 2006
3:40 am
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lost and found
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this is the problem, i need to learn to overcome the power i give him. i used to go to church right down the road form me. i loved it,....till he started going. he was just an angel to everybody there....except me. he sat with other people and never even ecknowleged me. and i quit. and he quit. we play this game over and over. the problem is mine.... i keep leting him circle me in. i'm unsure of myself when he is involved because he says bad things about me and i end up feeling like i have to defend myself.

January 2, 2006
3:44 am
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lost and found
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and the MAIN reason i quit with my dad , what broke me from him, is my dad spending so much time around husband. it's like screw it, have at it.

January 2, 2006
3:45 am
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Philmore Bowles
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His words about you say much more about him - any group of people who don't get that aren't worth joining.

See if he follows you to the AA meetings! Step right up cheesy manipulator, we will pick you apart!

January 2, 2006
3:47 am
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Philmore Bowles
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I think that both of their actions are symptomatic - they can change.

January 2, 2006
3:48 am
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lost and found
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ok, my mom started coming around on fridays to eat lunch with me. i spend every friday by myself UNTILL mom started coming around and then all of a sudden husband is here. my mom falls for it and asks him to go with us. later i told my mom if she did it again i would immediatley tell her i had something else to do. they could have at it.

January 2, 2006
3:49 am
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Philmore Bowles
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You can be the catalyst. It's obvious that you are willing to do the work in life - so work to be an example of healthy boundries and new rules.

You can do it.

January 2, 2006
3:50 am
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Philmore Bowles
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So turn his own game around on him. Therapy, support groups, counseling . . .

January 2, 2006
3:50 am
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Anonymous
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Lost do your remember when your relationship become more competitive (for him) than cooperative?

January 2, 2006
3:51 am
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lost and found
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that's good!!! yep, that would be one place i dare him to go. you are smart. see , i would have never thought of that one.

aa, here i come.

January 2, 2006
3:52 am
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Anonymous
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January 2, 2006
3:53 am
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Philmore Bowles
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I got your back lost. 😉 I love a good mental challenge!

January 2, 2006
3:54 am
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Philmore Bowles
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It's a great place to meet new friends that won't be sucked in by his BS.

January 2, 2006
3:56 am
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lost and found
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not really, it kind of just got deeper and deeper around me. when i had a few of our kids. if i was like, taking them to trick or treat and i asked him to go...he would say what for, you got it covered. if i asked him to help me, he would say it's your damn project do it yourself. if i tried asking , it was no. the only thing that worked was if i begged and begged and cried and cried and then he might relent and go. and he would act so smug and i secretly wanted to stomp his face in.

January 2, 2006
4:00 am
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Philmore Bowles
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Why do you want to be involved with someone like this? There must be some good stuff about him, right?

I'm just wondering what keeps you putting up with this, when you know it's no good for you?

Lemme get this straight. He doesn't want you around him, or anyone else?

January 2, 2006
4:04 am
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Philmore Bowles
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After 12 years alone, it just floors me how spoiled some "men" are.

January 2, 2006
4:05 am
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Anonymous
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See if he'll one up you to a constructive enviornment AA...that's good Phil.

I would secretly want to stomp his face in also, the difference is he'd know it.

It's got to feel draining to share space and a life with someone who's not on your side.

If you don't mind my asking why do you stay? Are things more or less good in every other department? Is he responsible? Does he respect you? Do you trust him? Does he support you?

January 2, 2006
4:08 am
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Philmore Bowles
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sorry lost - i shouldn't be doing the character asassination. I apologise for that.

January 2, 2006
4:10 am
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lost and found
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philmore, u got it. remember i told u i asked the neighbors to go with us to new years eve . and he got mad and cussed me out right before we left. and i put him in the guys car and me and the woman and the girls drove over there. and i had fun. but he was all over me. criticising every word that came out of my mouth.
i am supposed to sit in the corner and be quiet. not gonna happen.

January 2, 2006
4:11 am
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Philmore Bowles
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My but he's an insecure fellow isn't he?

January 2, 2006
4:14 am
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Anonymous
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Good for you!

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