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Change to Hope
February 8, 2000
8:15 am
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Brittainy
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Hi Reading back through the threads someone asked if I was related to britney Spears. The answer is NO I picked the name as my hampster is called Brittainy, by the way I am English not American.

March 17, 2000
1:38 pm
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lost soul
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Tonight, just feel like letting out some steam!!!

Most of the time, I tried to be an optimistics & cheerful person. I can MOST of the time. But there is also this other side of the" TRUE ME"

What is the TRUE ME?
Anger,confused,felt like a victim and vulnerable. I have lots of suppressed anger. Which I denial to myself.

VICTIM - not felt but I an a big victim.
I am a victim to my husband. He had neglected me for so many years.After i tried so hard to give way to him he still get involve with a "Karaok girl". He almost left home because of home. He has put me and my daughter into deep shit.Especially me, he keep constantly told one of my goodfriend that he only cares for my daughter. never mentioned my name.
I have to take him for what he is back. He treat me like a shit for what i am.

CONFUSED - i HAVE BEEN WORKING IN THE MNC FOR THREE YEARS. sINCE THE DAY JOINT. i HAVE TO TAKE THEIRand ACCEPT THEIR BULLY AND "DIRTY JOB WHICH NOBODY WANTS TO DO. thEY LOOK DOWN ON ME BECAUSE i DON'T HAVE A PAPER QULIFICATION.AFTER 3 YEARS OF HARD WORK, AND LOW PAY. tHEIR HAVE DECISIDED TO LET ME GO, this is fair? BULLY BIG BULLY

March 17, 2000
2:02 pm
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lost soul
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Karin, I missed you! Hope you will be here for me. I knew that at this point of time you might be giing throuht alot.
So, could we just exchange some life experience Here?

Hope to hear for you soon!

And my other friend too.kitten,hazza and even Broc. what's your input this time?

March 18, 2000
11:33 pm
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Jaytong
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you sound sad. you better today?

March 19, 2000
4:03 am
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lost soul
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Jaytong, thanks a lot for replying.

Yes, I felt better. Just letting out some of my frustrations.

How about youself? hows things getting on with you?

🙂

March 19, 2000
6:10 am
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hazza
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Hey there hope,
The only thing you can do sometimes is get angry! let out your frustrations here, get out the anger first, then we can look to ways of helping you solver your problems practically, but you are right to get mad, let it all out first, so at least there will be less anger to carry around with you later on when we are looking for solutions!

I know you have been having all this crap for a long time now havent you and not that much has changed. If you want, maybe we can talk now about finding some ways forward for you? maybe it is time that you made some changes. even small ones, do you think you are ready to think about what changes to make yet? what have you done already to change the way things are with your husband? has anything changed between you yet?
whatever you are feelignwe are all here for you.
Peace
Hazza

March 19, 2000
9:34 am
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lost soul
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Hi Hazza, thanks a lot for responding too!!!

My husband has actually improved alot.althought some times he may be abit "heywire". Just like the other night, when I woke up in the middle of the night and found him gone, I was so mad.

Plus, I am still going through my work stresses. Well, It will end in two weeks time. and I will try to take another short break before I look for a new job.

Sounds possitive back tonight right? Strange me!!!!

A million thanks for sharing

🙂 🙂 🙂 Love

March 21, 2000
5:51 am
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Jaytong
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it's always up and down, like what you've told me...good to hear that you're fine.

for me, got to fight.....fight against those bad mood.

I keep seeing my counselor.

March 21, 2000
7:28 am
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lost soul
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I am constantly fighting too!

March 27, 2000
10:19 am
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lost soul
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Hi to all my dear friends, Bad & stressful day for me.

Stress 1 ) This is my last week of my service with my company and I actually beginning to feel sad. Not because I wanted to(with my own department). but because there are some of other departments staff who are very sad and keep asking me why am i leaving? Nobody knows that I have been force to leave.( without doing anything wrong ) the reason they gave me is that I don't met up to their expectation. It is really not fair for me . I have been doing more than anyone else and getting the lowest paid. What am I to them?

I have been holding back my feelings all day. When I had my dinner (after my exercise, suppose to help me take away some stress ) I actually sit infront of my dinning table and
CRIED. JUST SIT DOWN AND CRY AND CRY.

March 27, 2000
11:00 am
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lost soul
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stresses 2) I feel that I am not been fair to my daughter.I have been taking it out on her. How cruel I am to her. She is just a small girl. I am sick in my head. I feel so bad after the incident.I feel like a abusive mother.
OH what had happen to me?

And my husband, shows no sympathy on me.Still happy go lucky in his own way. I actually found some very suspicious "marks" on his body. When i confront him, he said its rashes.

Oh my god, what is happening in my life right now.

March 29, 2000
8:51 am
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hazza
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Hey there hope.
((((hugs))))
Things are black right now, but they will soon fix themselves,
I understand the job problem, but i bet the real reasons are more complicated, maybe they need to cut back on staff? maybe there is pressure because they feel threatened who knows, but have they explained to you why you are not what they want? how long have you been working there? maybe you will be happier working somewhere else anyway? maybe in a year you will be glad you don't work for them anyway? who knows.

With all this stress at work it is very hard for you to confront the problems in your relationship, i know, sort out the work first. once you leave there will you have another job or will you wait for a while? let me know what your work plans are.

It is understandable that you are feeling so bad that you have little patience for your daughter, but you know that now, i know you will try to not take it out on her, and if you feel you cant cope, please call someone, get some help, are you in councelling right now? you need a way to unravel all these things and find some ways forward, becuase staying in the same place too long mentally is bad for you, if you can get help with unravelling these things it will be much much easier than doing it alone.

try to concentrate on one thing at a time. get the work situation finished, when that is done, start on your relationship problems. You deserve to know the truth about your husband it has been going on too long, eating away at you. If he is not serious about the marriage then that is something you both need to face, but you can't carry on not knowing but being to afraid to confront it. either he is in it together with you or he isn't, you have too much going on right now to be mucked around. You need support from him and if he can't do that genuinely then you need to know so that at least he is not adding to things by giving you more problems. It is time my friend for you to work out what you WANT, not to just sit there and let things just happen to you. All the time you are just finding that these things keep being thrown at you and that leaves you with no energy to direct your own life. Try to think aboutwhat you actually want, then see if it is realistic or totally just wishful thinking, go for what you can realistically get and try to lose the things you know are just not a real option. This chaos is not going to stop until you make it stop. you need to think about what you can do to work out what you boundaries are and then apply them. please let me know how you are getting on.
Peace
Hazza

March 29, 2000
9:27 am
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lost soul
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Hi Hazza,
First of all, thank you so much for replying.I am so touched that at this moment no word can express my gratitude.

As for my job, personally I feel that i have done my very best at it.You are right, some changes is going on in a year or two.It is not very convenience ( or safe ) for me to be very detail here. Well, what I can tell you is I felt like a VICTIM, and I am a VICTIM.And sad to say, there are going to be others who will face the same problems like I am.
( The saddest things is, I cannot express my feelings as I have to act very professional, when asked by other colleague, I have to put on a mask and say something which are not the true.This is the most difficult part for me.)

I begin to take work very seriously when i found out about my husbands affair sometime last year.( if you happen to have read my thread " trying hard to save marriage" you could have a better picture.I think you did, because there are some responses from you i remember.)

Yes, i have to face the relationship problem.

Hazza, i can't continue now.when i am ready I will keep you posted.And it will be very soon!

Once again, thank you so much for sharing.(((( hugs ))))

March 30, 2000
8:20 am
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Jasmine
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hi, lost soul, haven't read in detail for many new threads here, 'coz I'm gettign busy in my work.
um...dont' know how to begin.....when I read you say "I cannot express my feelings as I have to act very professional, when asked by other colleague, I have to put on a mask and say something which are not the true.This is the most difficult part for me."...that recall what my counselor told me. she said, it's not safe to express your feeling to everyone, so it isn't bad that if you can't express your feeling towards your colleagues!! if you find it not safe / uncomfortable, then don't do it.
as for work stress...personnally I think there is always stress if you remain in the "work world", and maybe you don't need to be too sad about not being able to be not fair to others, like your daughter....I guess, we do have right to be upset. she'll understand you.
.....oh, your relationship....um...i'm kinda 'failure' in this field...:P I don't know how to say....but I wish you'll get away from all your problems.

May all good things follow you!

Jasmine
(by the way, this is JT)

March 31, 2000
5:13 am
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lost soul
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Hi Jasmine( JT ? is that jaytong ? )

Thanks for your good blessing. Well, basically I am a very simple person.Although my life haven't been easy since birth but I still don't harm others. I might be abit to straight forward. But that's the true me. I just cannot be hypocrite.

March 31, 2000
9:51 am
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Jasmine
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yeah. you recognise me! 🙂 I actually started a new thread - addicted to love.

agree....better be true than hypocrite.

October 13, 2000
11:50 am
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lost soul
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Hi Its me agian LOST SOUl.
Always the lost soul.

My problem has subsided for a while, but Its back again.
I am always such a failer!!!

I think I an not "HOPE" should be rename to " LOST HOPE"

first Lost soul, then being Optimistic, I name myself "HOPE"
Now, Its time to rename. "LOST HOPE"

🙁 🙁 🙁

October 13, 2000
4:26 pm
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janes
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Hope is never lost.

What is happening in your life right now? Stress. Lsoing a job is a major life stressor. Taking it out on your child is not right...but it doesn't make you wacko. Just don't do it again. Whay were you the hardest worker and the lowest paid? Probably because you are using a victim mentality. It's not hard for the users of the world to identify those of us who already feel like like failures and feed that.

I found a great book.

Change your Brain, Change your Life by a Dr Amen. It is possible for you to stop being a victim. But you have to do the work. You know, losing this job where you were not appreciated might be just the chance to work on YOU!! Look at it as a gift of time...to mend fences with your daughter, seek yourself and find happiness in YOU.

As for your husband-maybe they are rashes. It happens

You CAN DO IT--you can be happy.

Take Care

October 14, 2000
1:43 am
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lost soul
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Thanks janes!

Yes, I think you're right. I might be unconsiously having the victim mentality.

Regarding my job, I am having a better one right now.

As for my marriage, it is a confirmed failure.My husband has been making my life miserable for many years and are continuing to do so.

As for my daughter, I think our marital problems has somehow or others effected her. I don't blame her, it's our problem and I am not strong/ competence enough to do a better job as a mother.Althought I love her and give her lots of time to be with her, somehow, we did not set a good role model to her.

I am not giving any excuses for myself, the main reasons for all the problems is with my husband. A better picture for all my problems is in my first thread " Trying hard to save marriage" should any body interested to know.

Any comments and advises is most appreciated.

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