Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

No permission to create posts
sp_TopicIcon
Change to Hope
October 13, 1999
10:10 am
Avatar
lost soul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi its me,lost soul.

I tried to log in by "Hope" but unable to do so.How?
I do not know how to quit "taking sleeping pills" I have been relying on it for years .Although I only came to know about this site sometime in Sep.I have been having this family problem for years. I have been decieving myself for many years.At times, I only talk about my recent problems but actually lots of "misfortune" posted in this site. I have had experiences.I do not want to talk about it because I have this feeling that I am "stripping" myself.
My life is sad when the time I was born.My biological mother gave me away when I was 12 days old to a family which itself is a tragedy.O no, I have to stop here or else I will get too emotional.I can't afford to have it now.As tears suggested to talk to doc.or counsellor.I am afraid I don't have any appropriate person right now.But don't worry friends, i think I won't "commit suicide" because i don't have the courage to do so.Well, I still hope that tomorrow will be better,right?

Hope

October 13, 1999
10:51 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh hope my heart aches for you and i know what its like to talk about your pain. I think you are afraid of losing yourself and losing control if you talk about it, am i right?
You wont, please tell us a little bit about that pain that makes you so emotional, tell us about your mother giving a precious 12 day old baby away. YOU ARE LOVEABLE HOPE, since you have been a feel a wonderful person inside of you just aching to get out and live.
YOU are suppressing all of your feelings with the sleeping pills, the obssessive focus on him (he will never change), the constant running away from yourself and life. IT is TOO hard for you to face for fear of losing control of yourself and your life.
IN a sad way the pills, him, the denial is all a form of heavy CONTROL for you...controlling the out of control hope inside that is in so much emotional pain because she needs to speak. She needs to feel no longer to be ignored, denied or numbed.
I am glad you started a thread of your own HOPE this is a loving thing to do for your inner self and you need all the love and support you can get.
Poor love, it sounds like you have never felt love nor do you really know what it is. Please talk HOPE, be brave, you need to do this. Bless you

October 13, 1999
11:54 pm
Avatar
Jaskid
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hope,

Maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe it won't...
Take 1 minute at a time and if that doesn't work take one second at a time. Sometimes to get to the light we need to make our way through the darkness. Know in those times God is taking your hand and leading you towards the light. Even though you may not be able to see a thing right in front of you, trust and have faith that God loves you enough to get to beautiful place in your life, where there is peace, hope, joy, love ect....

"When one door of happiness closes, another one opens. Sometimes we look so long at the close door that we do not see the one God has opened for us"

I think tears is right you do need to get your pain out but know that the past can not be changed. I know you are a stronger person because of what you have been through.

Jaskid

October 14, 1999
2:08 am
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

Hey lost soul, first of all change your nick. Try creating a new login by 'Hope' (like you tried) or just any general name which is atleast not negative in meaning. You see, you must see that you might have been a 'lost soul' at one time, but not now. You're not lost. So give yourself a treat and chose a real good login name that should make you feel good about yourself... no kidding... its the small positive things that keep softening the old bad things deep inside us (due to whatever the reason they appeared in us and mostly it was not our fault), and change us from feeling bad about ourselves to atleast not feeling bad and then finally (what we want) to feel good about yourselves. It is very good and important to vent out feelings so tell us what you want to tell. The more emotional you'll get, the better. Its like cleaning out from inside. Let the emotions loose, dont even try to hold back the tears. After the emotional period you are going to feel much better. Guaranteed. After the emotional period, there might be some anger but all these emotions are finally going to play a role in releasing the tension in you. So its very important not to hold back your emotions. If you want to tell us something about your family or something else, go ahead, we're all ears. Let it loose, let it flow ... and change your nick 🙂

October 14, 1999
9:58 am
Avatar
lost soul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well fine! let me begin by telling you a story. ( a true story )

This little girl stays with her "adopted" grandma.An old lady who hardly talk.In her memory, there is no love,nobody to guide her the path towards life.Nobody tells her how important educations is.But instead, she grows up in a abusive and cold family.You can hardly call it a family because there is only the grandma and sometimes the mother. The mother is a divorcee and hot temple woman. At times, the little girl will feels that she is loved by the mother for taking her to a movie and ice-cream to eat.At times, she don't know why she has to stay over at the relative's house.sometimes, the grandmother and mother will quarrelled.And she will be pust to stay with either one party.She knows she was an adopted child since she was very young.They directly told her so.sometimes, they will joke that she was pick up in a dustbin.At the curcial age,around 12 years old.She was chased out of the house many times.Her clothing was thrown out of the house and the door locked. she would cried and beg them to let her go in the house.And she won't know when there will be another storm again.Usually the storm was trigger by the mother's mood.She gamble.She hears abusive words since she was young.she has no friends,nobody to talk to.she has only herself.
At one stages, she went to stay with her "real" mother.
Her mother was divoice too after giving birth to her.She is the number nine child.Her mother re-married and gave birth to another five more children.When she stays with her mother she don't feel love too.The mother also gamble.She can't stand staying at that house any more, she feels more empty.
She feels better staying with the adopted family because she was used to the enviroment.
She was chased out again.This time her adopted mum sent her to the children home.The reason was to prevent her from mixing with bad company.

Well I don't think i want to continue the story for now.When i am ready i will continue.

October 14, 1999
12:43 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

How very sad and wrong of them to treat such a precious child and person as you with such disdain, anger and resentment.
You are not unloveable, they were afraid and confused and didnt understand the full extent of the pain they were causing you.
This is part of your past as are all your other memories of abuse and abandonment. Let them out bit by bit HOpe we want to hear the rest of the story sweet one. Blessings

October 14, 1999
3:14 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

I know that when you're going to recover from all this, you're going to be one of the strongest and wisest people around. I'm seriuos and just not saying that because (whatever).

You must tell yourself that what these people did was wrong, very wrong. Try to recall every detail in your younger life. Start writing a journal, write down each and every detail of your life.
Some people will say the following thing:

"You've got to forget what happened in your past life. You must now focus on whats happening now. Dont look back and hold on to things which cant be changed".

Its not true. The past must be revisited to recover. Why? Because that was the thing which caused all this trouble and mess (and it was'nt your fault, not 1%). Doesnt a doctor look at a patient's histroy when diognozing and curing their disease ?? He does, right? So ..... its the same case here.

You must remember every detail and tell yourself how wrong your family treated you. To ignore a child, to turn her out of the house, to tell her that she was picked up in a dustbin, to throw her clothes out of the house and she crying to let her in, its all unimaginable. And all this was done by the adults of her life, who were supposed to be ROLE models and to give you love, and treat you with loving patience. So inhuman, so shocking to do what they did to you.

You must compare your upbringing to other people to see your own upbringing in the true light. Then you will really see how bad it really was. There are all sorts of people in this world. You will see loving mothers, impatient mothers. Next time you see a child and its loving mother (e.g. in the supermarket or any otrher place), try to observe their interaction. Its going to be the most heart-warming thing you've ever seen. I've almost been brought to tears by these sights. Its just so lovely and i never imagined that the interaction between a (loving) mother and her child could be so lovely. You've got to see it to beleive it. It was so strange to me too, because I also grew up with an impatient and angry mother whose moods I was always watching, so as to get the minimum beating and scolding. My mother was also hot-tempered. Its terrible for a child to have angry, impatient and hot-tempered parents.

So when you have the real picture of your background and when you know in your heart that you were treated wrongly in your childhood, and have no (or little) doubts about it, you will gain an important step. This is all to release you, and make you into a secure and happy person.

I went through this step and right now, I feel as if i am standing on a higher place and see all my family on a lower place. I can see myself separate from them now. I can see where I was and where I am. Its because I have tried to improve and see what the source of all my problems was. You can do the same. Sometimes, I feel so good (about myself). Its great to do so, i must tell you.

Seeing yourself separate from your family doesnt mean that you break all the ties and take them out of your life. Its not that. Its just that you know that they were probably treated in bad ways and thus they also treated THEIR children in the same ways they were treated. Its the most natural thing. But you're going to a super-human if you break the chain. Just think, you are going to break the chain that was coming on from such a long time back, grandparents(maybe earlier) to parents and then to you. Its not at all difficult, you can do it. There are certain things which will stop you:

The following thoughts might stop you. They come one after the other and when you've overcome one thought, the other comes and stops you again. It will just take some repeated trials. But never give up. You will finally suceeed. Here are the thoughts that will stop you:

1) Its not right to think wrong about your parents and how bad they treated you.

No, its right. You can think all you can about your parents. This thinking is necessary to cure yourself (as i mentioned before). Its necessary to get a perspective of your own upbringing. After you have cured, you will be a happy and secure person, and you might become one of the best things that ever happened to your parents. Really. Everyone enjoys the compnay of a happy and secure person.

2) Its not possible. I cant do it.

BS ( 🙂 ). Its possible and none of what you are trying to do is impposible. Anything can be done. You can do anything. Nothing and no one can stop you except you yourself. You have the control stick of you life in YOUR hands. No one has, only you. Its possible, possible, and its not impossible...

3) Oh, i wasnt treated bad, its just that .....(whatever)

No, you were treated bad. Period. And it was'nt your fault too. Yes, it cant be changed but you can change yourself now. And again ,its not impossible or difficult. The important thing is: ITS POSSIBLE.

I think thats it. The funny thing is that these thoughts cycle in your head. If you start to beleive (a little bit) that your parents treated you bad, you start thinking, "oh my God, its not posible. I cant get myself out of this mess. I cant do it."

You can.

When you feel strong at times (and ready for action in improving yourself), you might revert to thinking that
'oh no, my parents didnt treat me bad , its was just that they were facing tought financial times and it was hard for them.'

No. They treated you bad.

I dont know but all of this happened to me before. I am better now, maybe thats why i am able to say all these things. If anyone still thinks that it is wrong to think wrong of your parents, i have to tell you that I know that one day, my parents are going to enjoy me. Or even if they cant enjoy me (becuase maybe they never learnt to enjoy their lives), I know its better to be a secure and happy child of your parents, than to an insecure and unhappy child. Right? So, I have to get thinking all these things and start curing myself, which really isnt difficult. Its just needs being observant, and keeping your options open.

Remember, you can do anything in your life. No one can stop you. This is a crucial belief and i beleive anyone must recognize their right of living life the way THEY want to, if they want to live happily. For people who were brought up in happy circumstances, this is common sense. For people who were brought up in bad circumstances, this belief might come to them as shocking. Its not. You have the right to live your life the way YOU want to live. Its YOUR life, not anyone else's.

Wow that was long .... I think I have mentioned some important things. Remember its all POSSIBLE. It is.

October 14, 1999
3:30 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

guest guest thankyou for taking so much time to help another human being in pain with your hard earned wisdom and generosity, I salute you my friend.:)

October 14, 1999
4:01 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

My PLEASURE 🙂

October 14, 1999
4:40 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

"And if you listen very hard,
The tune will come to you at last"

From "Stairway to Heaven"

October 15, 1999
6:27 am
Avatar
Brittainy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Guest Guest thank you for making my day. You are such a caring person with so much wisdom and advice. I wish I could be more like you, I'm trying, but it is really hard. I'm very caring, yet at the same time, I know I need help, whihch I am receiving from professionals and all you guys who really care about people. Take care. Lots of love

October 15, 1999
9:16 am
Avatar
lost soul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

guest_guest,
Thank you very much for your care, advise and concern.
I am in a low low mood now, so I will not write much.
I really appreciated for what you have written for me.
Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!Thank you!
if you are not too busy, it would be nice if you could read the thread" trying hard to save marriage" i posted something today. (which follows "the story" yesterday)
Hope.

October 15, 1999
12:37 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

Hey guys, how many threads do I have to read? You know its takes away so much time to do that, so now on I have to put up a small fee for reading anyone's thread. Its only 24.99 and your problem will be solved in 100 years... money back guarantee. Credit cards accepted.

Hey hey 🙂 just kiddding ...
No really, i felt good at that time so I thought I have something to share and i did. You know one sign of low self-esteem people is that they deny anything good they did and say to themselves things like 'Oh i was just high at the time', or 'well i actually said that because ...'. Well no more. I will not deny any good that I do. Infact, I will tell myself, that was the real me and I'm going to stay like and nothing can stop me. Glad to ne appreciated... thanks 🙂
Brittainy... you're going to suceed!!

October 15, 1999
12:48 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

:):):):)::):):):):):) a hundred years huh?hmmm might be quicker than some..lol

October 15, 1999
12:52 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

Lost soul, I went over your thread. My theory is that the root of every relationship problem is low self-esteem. Thats it.

I beleive that if a person has high self-esteem, then everything is his life works out right. If he has low self-esteem, few things seem to work and life is a pain for the person... mostly. I have had low self-esteem and i recognized that the root of all my problems was low SE (self esteem). So i have tried to work on that, since. I have suceeded partially and although i have come a long way, i still have a ong way to go ... but i've changed much and improved to become a very different person.

I dont know, but when you see your counselor, tell him or her that this might be the problem (low self-esteem).
You see low self-esteem mostly comes in our lives when we are young but its up to us to clean up... we have to... otherwise life is going to be painful and without joy, infact its going to be a life of painful dependency, depression and all sorts of problems... relationship, guilt .. what not.... So you have to work on raising your self-esteem to a really good, high level and I guarantee you that your problems will be solved ...so focus on yourself and you'll see that all the others things will be sorted out (even your marriage) if you yourself are sorted out.. simple....sort yourself and everything becomes sorted automatically...I assure it.. 100%.

October 15, 1999
12:57 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

And yes this is the labor day discount.. i normally take 49.99. And in this offer, there's a free 2 litre pepsi too !!!! So hurry while supplies last ...

October 15, 1999
2:15 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

Brittainy, are you in any way related to Briteney Spears? 🙂 Well, now that there have been reports of some forbidden (or whatever) (well ofcourse fake ... rather satirical) things appearing on the internet.. i think you would say 'no'

October 15, 1999
2:43 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

just kidding ... :))

October 15, 1999
3:55 pm
Avatar
stella
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Remember that the hardest thing that you can ever do is to "bare your soul" to someone. To anyone. But don't forget that you have actually made the first step. That first step is admitting to yourself that you have these feelings and that in itself is the hardest part so you are actually, as we speak, making progress, because you have connected to this site and you have put into writing your fears. I don't know if you have read what I have written but I know that for me it was a very difficult thing to do. I don't want to sound patronising, or preaching but even though I don't know me I am proud of you - heck, I am feeling proud of myself. You should be too - it takes guts. If you have the guts to do this you can gradually go that little bit further and explain things. If you d get upset - then maybe you should. It does you good to have a cry, it does you good to explain when you know, especially, that weonly want to listen and be a shoulder to cry on ( so to speak). I am trying my hardest to deal wioth my own problems and I am fairly new to ll of this, having never told anyone anything that is true to me through fear of rejection etc - but I feel as though IO am making a start - you should too

October 18, 1999
9:27 am
Avatar
lost soul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

guest_guest
whatever it is, thanks for responding.I am not to sure whether i have Low self esteem.Maybe thats the thing that i do not know myself.But if you are right,what has my low self esteem to do with my husband's affair?

October 18, 1999
12:27 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

No, your pain has to do with YOU, your relationship with your husband jsut REFLECTS back to you how much inner pain you truly have...wow..that was good. Im including that in my book..hehe

October 18, 1999
7:22 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

oh ok..I'm sorry I didnt say anything about your husbands affair.. well, i dont know... maybe your low self-esteem hasnt to do anything with your husbands affair... i'm no pshychologist... but i do know that self-esteem is one of the most important things... just take whatever you want, whatever you feel like accepting and ignore the rest... do whats best for you

October 20, 1999
12:01 pm
Avatar
lost soul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I believed everyboby wishes to to whats best for themselves including myself.But sometimes if we want to change our point of view in certain issues, it takes time.right?
Sometime we have to change our mentality.But I must agreed that the brought up of a person and the people around a person does account for a person's self esteem, and also well-being.

Like me, my whole life is circle by people whom are "toxic".I was brought up by an "un-healthy family" and thus I somehow attract " un-healthy relationship" and people with problem mentality, just like my husband.

Honestly, if today he choose to leave me and our family, I won't feel sad anymore.Because he don't deserve it.

October 20, 1999
4:34 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

See...i think you exactly got to the point. I wanted that you would see it yourself.... a person who gets raised in unhealthy circumstances, undoubtedly attracts unhealthy relationships... like you attracted your husband. So do you see why you attracted an unhealthy man? Doesnt being raised in unhealthy circumstances bring about low self-esteem in a person? I think it does (by default it does, but ofcourse it can be corrected). A person with high self-esteem would never have chosen this man as her husband. You have seen the you somehow attract toxic people so there must be something which is doing all this, right? The thing is to recover now, to change and to become healthy so that you can start a new life ...good luck with your efforts... you already understood the major difficult parts.... most people never admit it and they just keep saying, oh its just my bad luck or its HIS fault.. You're on your journey to recover ... Good luck

October 23, 1999
6:58 am
Avatar
lost soul
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks a million:)

No permission to create posts
Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
45 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109402

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714177

Newest Members:

djkjlzifDazy, veifDazy, aeronautics, WhitDazy, samuelxw16, artikbaeva2

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer