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Change is scary, so when do we change?
December 11, 2003
11:23 am
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artist 2
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If changing ourselves is scary, then how does it help to make ourselves scared? How does it help everyday life, because it seems to me that we will act unpredictably if we are scared. Then that will upset our lives - right?

Does everyone have to change, or do we move on to places where we fit in, without changing?

What if... what if we are ALL ok the way we are, just misplaced in life?

Thoughts?

December 11, 2003
11:26 am
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mj
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Giggle, then you would have to believe you are Perfect...and I know I'm not 🙂

December 11, 2003
11:32 am
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No not believe we are perfect, just ok the way we are, and that it's our situation that is not ok.

December 11, 2003
11:35 am
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mj
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OH, Fear of Change.....does inhibit our ability to change because we are reacting to stimuli and not looking at the problem for the best possible solutions.

December 11, 2003
11:39 am
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So what if fear is blinding us to the solutions? do we then move on the something that's easier and allows us to see?

December 11, 2003
11:42 am
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mj
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Artist, it was a choice to remove myself from my husband on the 27th....and through this choice, we both had growth. So I believe, sometimes it takes a step away to actually thoughtfully realize what it is we desire.

When you went to your sisters for a time out...did it help?

December 11, 2003
11:45 am
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eve
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Changes are scary. Learning is fun and exciting, and sometimes hard work. For me learning and changing are more or less the same. Maybe change is the result of learning. Sometimes changing your ways gives you opportunity to learn something new.

I can change easily when I really learned something new that makes a difference for me (for example when I learn about myself - what kind of relationship do I want, what do I find important about a job, what do I value in friends....). I find it impossible to change when I don't understand how or why I should do it.

December 11, 2003
11:45 am
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In some ways it helped me decide a deadline on when to change or leave. In other ways, it created feelings of lonliness and codependancy. But it was great to stick it out for the two weeks, regardless.

I sometimes feel now that I'm backpedaling on that deadline because of a fear of being alone. I know that's not a good reason to stay with someone, especially when things aren't functioning all that wonderfully.

I'm flattered that you rememberd that after all these threads...

December 11, 2003
11:50 am
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That's a positive approach, that changing is learnign and learning can be fun, interesting. Nice way to look at it.

As far as understanding how, I'm looking at my control issue as an addiction, as the first step is in letting go of trying to control and change things around me: people, places, situations.

It's my last hope of finding meaningful change for this relationship.

But, in part, I resent having to change. It's difficult, it's scary, it's not fun because I'm not sure if it will work, and I'm not sure I can do it. I don't have the confidence.

But I will surely give the learnign is fun approach a closer look and try to fit it in to my task.

December 11, 2003
11:56 am
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mj
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Its like memorizing all my info for my test to get my insurance license.
I took a trial test day before yesterday and got a 55% on it. I need 75% to pass. I sucked at it.

So this morning, I studied for a whole 20 mins and found myself here instead...cause this is alot more fun for me 🙂

December 11, 2003
12:01 pm
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You got it! this is more fun, more interesting. It's hard to work sometimes.

December 11, 2003
12:56 pm
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eve
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There's this aphorism about revolutions - could go for change as well:

You don't make a revolution by talking about something.

You don't make a revolution by thinking about something.

You don't make a revolution by fighting against or for something.

You make a revolution by finding the perfect solution for a problem.

December 11, 2003
4:16 pm
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Or, you make a revolution my taking action.

At least my BF always says we dont' get anywhere by talking, but by doing.

I think he's right for the most part.

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