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cell phone addiction
April 17, 2000
2:29 pm
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infaith
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I think my hubby has now developed yet another addiction ( he is giving up drinking so much ) He has two cell phones!
Is there such a thing as cell phone addiction, any one else experience this?
He brought two phones for himself, expensive, one for when the other one is charging. He constantly has the phone stuck to ear almost 24-7, he just talks and talks and talks and talks, I feel like stamping on it.
He even brings it on our weekends away and seems to go in withdrawal if we are out of range and he cant use his phone, he gets anxious. Right now he is working six days a week and 65-70 hrs a week. I have been asking him to quit this, but he keeps saying "im doing this for us"
Well, I am pregnant and it is hard on me with the other children and basically a dad only on sundays and in the evening for an hour.

He has come so far, but it seems as he drinks less, he finds other ways of distraction and addiction ( work and cell )
It really is quite exhausting at times.
The quality of our marriage is better than ever and I am happier than ever, but I feel he is still putting his work before us.
Am I being too demanding?
We are wanting to purchase a house and we need the money for this purpose./
I need him to be here for us also...
God bless any one in advance for their wonderful words. I know there are so many brilliant people on here with much wisdom to offer from experience.
It feels like this is the last bit of negativity that needs purging from his/my life. Perhaps I am asking too much too soon.

April 17, 2000
4:24 pm
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soos
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My husband is the same! As for the obsession part, I know he goes through times when he is focused only on the "deal" and we (kids and I) are on the proverbial back burner. He's generally very good at focusing on work at work, and can come home-- and BE home. When there's a big push at work though, he can't break away. My strategy is to come alongside him. Try to make it peaceful at home when he is home. Deal with what I can myself, lots of back rubs and lattes brought to his desk. Ways to encourage him and be interested in what he's doing. Learn his contacts names and character traits so he can tell me his stories about the office, and we can laugh or sigh together. I'm pretty confident resentment won't help. I hope it's a season for you all, and that he'll be able to shift focus to you, the kids, the upcoming new baby(Congratulations!) and the house. What will you possibly do when he's perfect?!?! 😉

April 17, 2000
10:42 pm
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Ima
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Ask for some set aside time for the two of you, if he can't leave the electronics all weekend, maybe you can have dinner out, and he can look you in the eyes, and remember WHY he's driving himself so hard. I know when I'm prego I want to be nigh worshipped, so if you can't be the cheerleader soos is, at least guard against resentment. Look for what you can love, honor, and respect.

April 18, 2000
4:42 am
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dunc
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If he's glued to the phone so much and working so much sounds like he needs a good secretary or help at work. STOMP YOUR FEET. Demand more attention. He is driving himself to an early grave working so much. Make a pact. Office during working hours only. If has to bring work home, set aside a time frame, 2 hours only maximum. Never during dinner and turn off when you request. Cut off service. Then and only then will more money appear and you can get a house. If he kills himself working so hard, he won't need a house! Believe me, working yourself 16 hours a day is early CARDIAC city! Seen in real life ER too much! Money isn't everything, don't try to keep up with the neighbors. SIMPLIFY< SIMPLIFY

April 18, 2000
7:19 am
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janes
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Switching one addiction for another is still addiction. If these guys won't do the counseling thing then maybe learning to live with it is the best bet.

Some good ideas in above posts.

April 18, 2000
11:15 am
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Cici
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I know some people have called this an urban myth, but you should let your husband know that cell phones do emit waves simlar to those radiation waves that can cause brain tumors.

I myself have a cell phone...I used to use it waaaaay too much. I have to say after I heard that using yourcell phone too much can cause migraines and possibly brain tumors, I put it down. Hell, even if it is an urban myth, i'm not taking any chances.

April 19, 2000
12:44 pm
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infaith
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Thanks for all the advice. Yea, what will I do when he is perfect, ha!
Yea, I will let go of this issue, I have mentioned my feelings, he understands them, I will let it go at that. My life is too full to nag, control or manipulate any more, and my spirit no longer has the need.
Thanks guys.

April 19, 2000
8:23 pm
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infaith
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brain tumor? yuch! I think im gonna get rid of my cell phone!

April 20, 2000
7:51 am
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hazza
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HI there infaith!
i saw this telly program the other day with this guy who has over forty mobile phones!!!! and you think your guy has a problem!
this guy has so many phones his wife is thinking of having him put into phone rehab!
surley the issue with your husband is that he cannot let go of work and relax, if it is his own business then this is understandable, it is so hard to sit back and allow other staff to make some decisions.
the thing is he needs to be careful he doesn't burn out, he needs to get the balance right for his own health as well as your relationship. So it is worth while you trying to get him to relax a little, like you said there is no need to nag him for you, but do tell him that you want him first and foremost and it is no good you two having the house of your dreams if he ends up with nervous exhaustion because of it! I would try to find out why he feels he has to be available for work so often, is there no other way that he can get the work done? maybe rely on his staff a little more?
its great that he isn't drinking so much, but he really should learn to let go a bit rather than distracting himself now with work. On the whole this is not a bad addiction to have, but as with anything taken to the extreme, his health will suffer.
Maybe he should take time out by himself too to unwind? maybe go fishing or golf or whatever it is that men like to do!
the best news of all though, is you are not getting down and are keeping things in perspective which is very cool!!
peace
Hazza

April 20, 2000
1:05 pm
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infaith
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great ideas hazza, yes, in order to really heal, i have changed my overeaacting, obssessing and not taking care of myself completely.
I am no longer that person.
Hazza, I know you want to get better first before you can live life, but I found it is very important NOT to wait for your symptoms to subside but to face your fears and step through them one at a time, this is what brings self esteem, confidence and peace.
Dont put the cart before the horse friend, I say this out of genunine experience.
Oh and read "from panic to power" best book I ever read on anxiety disorders.
OH, hubby is taking four days off tomorrow to be with us for easter and im going to hide his cell phones..heheh
god bless

April 23, 2000
9:51 am
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hazza
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HI infaith,
i will check out that book you mentioned. The best books i have ever read on anxiety are the books by Dr Claire Weekes. She is excellent.
Like you say, i will never wake up ready to go and face my fears, the only way to go is to break it down into bite size chunks, which i do.

things like going to the supermarket used to be a nightmare for me, but i practiced and practiced and now i am much better, many more examples where that came from!

the key i learned is that you need to find the right balance. If you do things that you find easy, you make no progress, If you do things that are way too frightening that you are not yet ready for, you freak out and reinforce the fears. The only way is to keep doing things that frighten you a bit - get used to that and then move on to the next thing that frightens you a little more, and so on.

I used to try to beat this thing by going at it like a bull in a china shop, but that got me nowhere! this method of gradual exposure and having patience is the only thing that has netted any results for me!

so thanks for you words, i know you know what you are talking about, but please dont think i am stagnating! i just know thatthis time i want to do it right, and it will take time, but it will be worth it.

i now have much less full blown panics because i am so much more aware of my own mind and see it coming on. i really feel that this summer i will be okay with walking alone with the dogs or going to the shops, once that is done i am going to start on the driving again!!!
wish me luck!
i am also going away for a weekend with family next week, another thing i would have found impossible last year! and the anxieties organisation i am a member of have asked me to write an article for their newsletter.

as you say, it is all about facing your fears one at a time. At times i get frustrated about how slow a process it is and also how totally exhausting it is if you spend a day facing your fears, it is amazing how much this tires you out, i wasn't prepared for that part alone.
But i am so much happier now i at least know the way to proceed, i also have a good support system of fellow sufferers who share praise and encouragement and it is heartening to see their progress as well.

I hope that in time i can do more for sufferers of this condition, because it is so misunderstood, i think it is about time, we stood up and refused to let ourselfs be judged as inferior due to anxiety issues. Most people with anxiety and phobias are facing hell everyday and going through it while it takes a great deal out of themselves mentally and physically. it is a challenge and so much hard work even to stay the same let alone get better. Most "normal" people never have to endure that much pressure jsut to go about their daily lives do they! so hopefully as more and more people become aware, sufferers will feel less isolated and find GOOD help sooner.
this is my aim, after finding it so hard to get help myself.

you are sounding well infaith, i hope you have a happy easter, and that you and hubby chill out and eat lots of chocolate and think about the real things in life! i am not religious myself, but i know that easter time is a special time for christians to focus on the more important parts of their faith and life in general, and for the more pagan amongst us, like myself, it is a chance to absord the beauty of our world as it wakes up and renews itself once more in its beautiful cycle of birth and decay.
spring is a spiritual time, i love it, i find it very symbolic and a great thing to meditate on.
Peace to you and all the easter bunnies out there!!
Hazza

April 24, 2000
12:14 am
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infaith
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pagan/christian/spiritualist here...:):)
anxiety disorders are huge here in the states, a large percentage of peeps suffer from them, actually you are fairly normal in that respect.
It is usually the worriers, the intelligent analysts, like you and i suffer...
need to stop yourself from over analyzing, obssessing and feeding into the negativity and fear.
I have realised my relationship with the creator is filled with nurturing, love and faith...fear and doubts are cancelled out. Really look into listening to your soul Hazza. God bless

April 28, 2000
9:51 pm
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soos
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My hubby just wrote a paper for class using these facts. I thought of you right away. Read Data Smog by Shenk.

*employees of Fortune 1000 companies send and receive an average of 178 messages every day by phone, fax, email, pager and voice mail.

*84% reported that their work is interrupted by messages at least three times per hour.

*In 1971 Americans encountered 560 daily advertising messages. By 1997 it increased to over 3,000 a day.

Some advice from the book:

*turn off the TV for at least an hour every evening.

*Spend some time each week without your pager or cell phone.

*Go on periodic "data fasts"

I thought you'd really like that last one! It's probably the hardest to do. Try a day with no newspaper, TV, info book, or internet. It's harder than I thought! 🙂 Soos

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