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celebrate with me
October 27, 2006
8:44 am
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2alone
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Well its been 2 years and 1 month since I filed for divorce from my narcissist husband. I have had 6 trial dates so far and including today's date they have all been adjourned. Primarily because of him fighting against all the experts we have hired that say he shouldn't have custody and I should. So rather than sit and cry that he's still controlling my life - I'm going to celebrate the fact I'm still married - I am on my own, I'm with my girls 90% of the time, he will eventually hear it from the judge that he's a jerk and someday this nightmare has to be over!!!
(how's that for re-programing my thought process! ha!)

October 27, 2006
8:53 am
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taj64
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Dear 2alone. Im not sure I understand and a little confused. You are celebrating the fact that you are still married to this narcissist? Are you sure you want to celebrate that fact? I like the idea that you are celebrating your life ahead of you and the having your girls. That sounds like something to celebrate so treat yourself to that. I think you have come a long way!

October 27, 2006
9:00 am
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needtoheal
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2alone---

I have to agree with taj... I am also confused about the celebration.. Is it that you are celebrating that you have a life ahead of you with the girls???

It does get better with time.. I have been divorced for several years now and it never ends, unfortunately, because there are children involved.. but it does get less dramatic and you can change in regards to yourself and the reactions that you have when it comes to dealing with the ex-husband...

When I was in front of the judge (we had settled but we were very close to trial) the judge had said to me "do you understand that you could have made out a little better or worse for yourself?"

So I said "yes, your honor, but with all do respect, your honor, this is not a situation in which I feel that someone makes out for the better!"

The judge looked into my eyes and nodded and replied "that is because there are children involved.."

I said "EXACTLY! and that I did understand, however, what he meant"

2alone..

I hope that things work out for you..

It is a long process (for me it took over a year for the divorce to be settled)...

I will be thinking of you

October 27, 2006
9:08 am
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2alone
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I guess I'm to the point that I feel like it will never ever be done - so I'm trying to look at the positive that I filed for divorce - I am on my own - and with or without the help of the courts I'm going to do what's best for me and the girls. I just can't understand why the court system has to play into his games. Why does he seem to get ever more powerful each time we go to court and the matter is adjourned? The sad part is - I'm an attorney and I know the process and I'm still being screwed. This is NEVER EVER going to be over - husband already told me so. I guess its what I do with my life now that matters.

October 27, 2006
9:12 am
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feelingfree
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2alone,

I think it's a great positive attitude! To say- ok- this may be a long process, but I accept where I'm at, and am celebrating the POSITIVE aspects of my life instead of focusing on the negative. GOOD FOR YOU!

October 27, 2006
9:16 am
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needtoheal
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2alone---

I do understand how you feel.. and you should look at the positive side to all of this... I did feel the same way as you did while I was in the process of divorce...

I just held my head up high and I also kept thinking that it is one day at a time...

it does get better... with time...

Things do not happen for a reason...

I believe, in my opinion, that things happen because of the choices we make..

You have made the choice to be without this narccistic husband.. and you are looking forward to moving on....

good for you

and the one thing that i have learned since coming to this web site, is that we are never alone..

October 27, 2006
9:34 am
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taj64
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Well what makes it that your husband is right that it will never be over. It will be over. In fact, it already is. More reason to celebrate. You have this ugly hateful man away from you. He thinks he is screwing you over but the best revenge for you is to be successful at what you do with your life, a life that DOES NOT include him. He may always have a part in your children's life, but he does not get a part in yours. Stay strong, keep celebrating. You will heal and you will get divorced, and you will keep your children. Keep focused on that and finding a new life.

October 27, 2006
9:43 am
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cyndra820
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2alone,

Great that you are looking at the positive and not dwelling on the negative. Sometimes that's the hardest part.

It is one day at a time all the time. You can only do so much.

How are you doing? How are the girls? In time this will be a distant memory.

Love,
Cyndra

October 27, 2006
9:45 am
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needtoheal
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I agree with celebrating the fact that this man is OUT of YOUR LIFE...

Even though he may still remain in your children's lives, he is completely out of your life...

stay positive!!

October 27, 2006
9:52 am
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mj
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I want to Celebrate YOUR NEW Life with YOU! Its the process not the journey! YOU Go 2b alone 😉

October 27, 2006
9:57 am
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2alone
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Thanks so much!!!

Its hard not to get down especially when today was supposed to be the "end" (trial date) But I've survived 2 years without him and despite his crazymaking. I'm learning more and more about myself and my abilities. And I'm a heck of a lot strong than I EVER thought I could be. So if I can do this - just think what you all can get through and do.

October 27, 2006
10:05 am
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mj
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My step daughter had an ugly divorce. She caught her husband in bed with a woman and lost her home for 2 1/2 years. It didn't go to trial for that long. She eventually got her home back after he had made it into a party home. I helped to paint over all the graffiti of sexual induendos so that she didn't have to be surrounded by his crazy making. You will get through this. I have faith that it will be over and you already have a head start on learning how to survive on your own. Now the secret is learning to enjoy life!

October 27, 2006
10:30 am
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lovetocrochet
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2alone,

I'm glad that you are finding reasons to celebrate amidst what you're going through. I can relate, my ex dragged our divorce out for a year and a half. We had a stipulated judgment all drawn up, he just kept refusing to sign it. My attorney and I finally called a trial date when she told me he could keep refusing to sign as long as he wanted.

So it came down to a judge telling him look, you either sign that stip or I'm going to make this real ugly for you. We'd already gone through two custody evaluations (the second one at his request to try and change visitation), a hearing to determine who owned an investment account I owned before our marriage, and lots of other court dates and misery in between.

He did sign it after the judge gave her ultimatum, got yelled at by HIS lawyer a couple of times because he kept protesting, etc. but he did sign it. Then later on he kept trying to tell everyone he "didn't understand" what he had signed - oh please, he had a year and a half and six different lawyers.

He's done some growing up but not without a lot of teeth pulling. I think he's definitely deficient somewhere and like your stbx an N himself. He gets his fulfillment out of being a good father these days though so he doesn't have as much reason to be an ass to me anymore.

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