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Card Playing Addiction? Input please
May 20, 2009
11:09 am
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penny lane
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I have been exposed to Alcholics, Narcissits and now Gamblers...this man I met "plays cards"..that is how he puts it..he is offended when I call it gambling. Certainly my shield is up..and I am very aware that this man is not good for me...but I am curious...is this just another addiction that can take the form of all other addictions? Interesting thing about him is how charming he is...but dont worry fellow co dependents...I know that fire first hand..I dont plan to have him in my life for any purpose other than a friend..perhaps..so I am looking for awarness and understanding...

If you have something to share..please do...thank you

May 20, 2009
11:12 am
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CAMER
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i would think playing cards too could be an addiction, esp if it involves money, and the high of winning and lows of losing. It won't make him rich or money for the long run.

Just be happy you picked up on this red flag & keep him as a friend and that's all.

May 20, 2009
11:54 am
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penny lane
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Camer..

Thank you...I feel the same way...it is always nice to get a confirmation of your instincts...that is what is so brilliant about this site...

May 20, 2009
11:56 am
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CAMER
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penny...does this man "play cards" alot, a daily thing or 4 or 5 times a week thing?? and does he end up losing money in the long run.

Heck, i used to be with a gambler, and he had to gamble weekly, was high on the winnings, but there were alot of times he lost, hundreds of dollars.

Your instincts are right on target with this guy!

May 23, 2009
8:29 pm
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penny lane
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Camer

Yes...sadly I do believe my instincts are correct..he "plays cards" daily on line..trying to win a seat in a major Vegas tournament...or goes the local casinos several times a week..he talks about how monthly dates are important because folks show up with their SS money..or pension money...I say "how sad" ...he says its great...there is money to be won!!!

He is charming and child like...I feel that at 46 ...with only rich experiences of his youth to have..where does he go from here? I have to be careful that my motherly instincts dont override my good sense and allow me to have feelings for him...and ..of course..my co dependence to kick in and take over..

I dont pursue this relationship at all...if he wishes to see me...he calls...and if I am available ...we see each other...they say people come into your lives for differnt reasons...I am wondering why he is here........

May 24, 2009
9:04 pm
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_anonymous
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Penny Lane- It sounds like he might be the type who takes you off the shelf when he wants you then puts you back when he doesnt.

His card playing habits have all the ear marks of gambling. The hallmark of a gambler is denial.

Gamblers have unrealistic expectations of riches and that is where their charming exterior comes from but they usually wind up broke.

He didnt wander into your life by accident. You are attracted to him for a reason. And not a good one. He is probably emotionally unavailable, and unpredictible so it keeps you off balance and will cause an addictive cycle.

Gambling is a priority in these mens lives. But, on the bright side if you dont get romantic with them they can be good to have in your life as a friend. They are so absorbed with playing cards that if you had a man on the side they wouldnt even notice.

May 24, 2009
11:45 pm
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penny lane
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Destinystar....you are so cute...yes you are right...he is self absorbed and wouldnt notice. You are right on with the statment , "unrealistic expectation of riches"..this is so true...he dreams of the big win...that is the carrot for him..that keeps him coming back..he won $10,000.00 one time...and now ..he beleives he is destined to win big again.

Yes...I know that being a co dependent I am suseptible to certain types of men...I will keep him at extreme arms length...at one point in his early life..he was a fashion model in europe..and ran with a fast crowd...in some ways..he still has that very child like sense of needing to be taken care of..as his parents still do to this day.

Thank you for you sound advice...I will heed it...:)

May 25, 2009
3:44 pm
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_anonymous
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PennyLane- Thats the problem with gambling is they loose more than they win but the fact that they cash out every once in a while keeps them coming back to the tables everytime.

Gamblers can be very charming cause they value looks, beauty and money. But they do not value friends, honesty, responsibility, etc. They are sick people that have a very real and serious problem. They are as about much fun as having alcoholics, and drug addicts in your life. Very self centered people.

The only thing that you can BET on is if you hang out with him you are going to loose your sanity.

This man doesnt sound healthy and neither does having anything to do with him.

Please dont be seduced by all the excitement and uncertainty that this man has brought into your life. It is only your mind playing tricks on you.

May 25, 2009
6:27 pm
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penny lane
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Destinystar...

Wow..I think you are right on about this...first of all..he isnt healthy..a man 45 years of age living with his parents and gambling..they are enablers...to the max...and I dont want to be one of them...I have been down that path with an alcholic and learned some valuable lessons. It is interesting that most folks have some challenge in their lives..and sometimes those challenges are life threatening or encompass all those who care about them.

Honesty is highly prized with me...no matter what the circumstances..I will be guarded and not available to this man.

Thank you for your clarity on my question...

May 31, 2009
6:17 pm
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_anonymous
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penny lane- You will never find an honest trustworthy man, in a prison, casino, bar, liquor store, drug rehab, on megans site, not paying child support, who someone has taken out a restraining order on, or Americas most wanted. Worst of all living with or I should say living off of his parents. When I think of men like this the work unhealthy and dysfuncitonal comes to mind.

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