Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
can't wrap my mind around it!!!
February 6, 2005
3:28 am
Avatar
orange cat
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi I am new here. Maybe someone can help me understand something. Well first I must admit that since I was a child I always went for the negative attention. Now as an adult without realizing it I am still doing it. The last few months have been very hard with the depression and anxiety & panic. I realized one day that during this time no one called me or emailed me or visited me. My mind went directly to "what can I do to get these people's attention" these are people who are family members who are supposed to care. How do you care about someone who you know is ill when you don't contact them. I drove myself into a panic trying to think of a way to get someone's attention just to have someone listen to me is all I wanted. Under the circumstances is this behavior and feelings irrational and co-dependant. What I don't understand is why I have to go to such great lengths to get attention. Does no one care!!!!!
I would appreciate some feedback. Of course there is a lot more to my story but this is all I wanted to say for now.
Thank you

February 6, 2005
3:40 am
Avatar
SweetAmanda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi orange cat.

I had an orange cat once. I loved him! His name was Julius. =)

I don't know what kind of feedback you would like, but I know that when I am feeling like I need people's attention, and why aren't they giving it to me on their own? I try to think about how busy and fast life is.

It's not an excuse, I know. But I get so wrapped up in my own stuff that I totally forget about other people who I truly do care about. Maybe the same thing has happened with some of these people?

Maybe they think that you don't want them to contact you?

Are you open and inviting? Do you lay all your problems on them whenever they come around? Things like that all play into it.

Could you go visit someone first? I know that doing something nice and kind for someone makes them want to do something nice and kind for you in return. =)

Treat others how you would want to be treated.

I hope my answers don't sound trite. If they do, I'm sorry!

As to why you crave the negative attention? I dunno. Maybe because any attention is attention?

February 6, 2005
10:26 am
Avatar
BlackCat
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

orange cat..
Not too sure if this will help you, but you might want to peek at the growing up thread...

BlackCat

February 6, 2005
11:26 am
Avatar
fairy99
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

orange cat

Welcome to the site.

Depression is a very serious illness and most people who have never experienced it don't understand it. It's shunned by most as a condition that can be prevented and it's not excepatable to some. You should be able to count on your family for any support needed but unfortunatly it doesn't always work that way.

Wanting someone to care is normal. You reaching out and you feel alone. Maybe if you take the step and talk to someone you feel close to in youfr family and explain how it feels to you, maybe that will help them understand better or maybe not. I have always found that the ear of a stranger seems to work best. They are not emotionally involved and you seem to get a clearer picture of things. Have you tried going to therapy or talking to your Dr about things? Do you have a close friend you can depend on to listen?

My sister suffers from severe depression and anxiety and she went thru a program that a woman named Lucinda Basset created and now she is able to leave the house to go shopping and attend family gatherings and even go to work. Do some reasearch on the internet and see what you come up with. Good luck sweetie.

~~fairy~~

February 6, 2005
12:07 pm
Avatar
dana_b
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Wow! When I read this, the first thing that I thought was I could have wrote this!

These are feelings that I have all of the time. Emails are never responded to, phone calls are not returned, etc. First of all, I don't think that you are codependent. I think that codependency applied in only extreme relationships involving alcohol and drugs. It is natural and normal for us to want to give ourselves completely and not want to anger others and take others feelings into account. You are not codependent.

SweetAmanda had a good point, that most people are so caughtup in their own lives that they don't take time out for the people that they love. It's not personal, but it's hard not to take it personal. For instance lots of times during the day I will email something important to someone only to find that they were 'too busy' to reply. It's just a sign of the times.

Try not to let your life be caught up in other people. It's your uniqueness that is attractive. Think of the things that you love to do...and do them! Dream.

One thing that I discovered with my own depression is that it happens when I become too introspective, and I used to think that it was because 'no one cared' and I was alone. What is it that makes you happy? It's probably not other people, and if it is consider other people that are in desperate need of human interaction...volunteer. Think of all the children that may be in the same predicament.

You have a purpose, you have to find it to overcome your depression.

February 6, 2005
12:19 pm
Avatar
SweetAmanda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yeah, codependent is for extreme cases and situations I think. Like dana said. Maybe you are, who knows? Only you know your entire story.

But it is very hard to be ignored time and time again and not get upset about it.

We are people. We need interaction.

Hey, do you have a counselor? I see mine once a week and I tell her all kinds of stuff. I talk to her about everything. It feels good to have a confidant.

Different people are good for different things too. It's a give and take.

Don't try to get all your needs met by one person... You will suck the life out of them! The same goes for someone trying to do the same to you.

(((Hugs)))

~Amanda~

February 6, 2005
1:40 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sometimes it is difficult to break patterns that you did as a child, such as negative attention. But the first step, as you have done..at least you recognize it! When I recognize a behavior of minethat I learned as a child, I try to pinpoint in time when I did it, or when I felt that way, and with WHO I felt that way. This has helped me to work through some issues from my past.
To me it sounds like your depression, anxiety and panic, is stemming from your childhood behaviors not geting the same results for you anymore in your adult life. And it probably isn't that your family does not care, it is just that they are most likely wrapped up in there own lives, and something else...if you are the type person who has always been strong for the rest of the family...the leader, even if you are someone who holds a posistion in your job as "boss", etc., your family will not know hoe to deal with you unless you tell them how you are feeling. And ou can't allow pride to enter in...or you will be left alone to your own devices, and it sounds as if you do not want that any longer. And, just becasue someoen does not respond to you in an email, etc. does not mean that it is you...everyone has their own stuff to deal with. But I would recommend that depending on the level of your depression /anxiety/panic attacks that you seek out counseling or a good friend to talk to, because it is serious if you are letting it affect your daily life. Just think "Balance"....but what may I ask, waht kind of attention are you looking for, specifically?

February 6, 2005
2:51 pm
Avatar
orange cat
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for the advice and thank you for caring.

Just to let you know a little more about my story so some of it makes a little more sense. My dad was an alcoholic and I learned at an early age not to rock the boat, to calm my dad down so he wouldn't hurt anyone. Plus after seeing many violent episodes and never being able to deal with what I was feeling my whole life ended up being a constant struggle with friends, school ect. I was constantly looking for approval and never getting it so I learned some coping strategies to survive like being quiet and then when I felt desperate for attention ushered threats of running away or committing suicide. All I wanted was for someone to run after me hug me and tell me that everything would be alright and that I was safe. It never happened.

I married a very strong man that constantly tried to lower my self esteem to nothing. No matter what I tried I never got an ounce of what I needed. Specifically I needed to feel safe and I never have. He has a hard time understanding that.

I tried to control my kids lives so that nothing bad would happen to them. But as you know things happen. I was always trying to fix a situation or problem which for the most part could not be fixed by me. It was such a let down to have things not work out as I had planned. It created enormous sadness in me because I felt I was worth nothing and couldn't help anyone. Plus a couldn't fix my own marriage.

I have been to counseling, group therapy over the last three years and it has helped some. My doc told me that she thought I was codependant because I couldn't move forward or do anything and feel good about it without the approval of others. Plus the fact that in order to feel safe I needed someone to make that happen for me.

Anyway enough for now. Hope this explains my situation a little better.
Thanks again

February 6, 2005
11:39 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I would recommned a 12 Step Program for you to go too, it may help identify some issues, and you will be able to wrok through them in a support group. If you can find one through a church, all the better.
It is very draining to try to fix everyone and everything, control everything, and then have time for yourself...it does not work that way. You are not responsible for others happiness, only your own. And if you did your best with your children, then that suffices. And your marriage takes 2, not just you. And you will not always have the approval of others, and that is ok.
The 12 Step program will help trememndously to work through these things you are concerned about. And keep posting here if you need too.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111020
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38570
Posts: 714311
Newest Members:
cosmo789, bravelassie, Chloe12, future life, austinjacob, Hadity1
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information