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Can't Stand Husband Anymore
October 28, 1999
10:25 pm
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GiGi
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September 30, 2010
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My husband of five years has been using verbal abuse toward me. He called me "b---h", dumb, stupid, etc." I easily get hurt everytime he said that. He is also selfish, like he doesn't like what I want to do. He doesn't want to look after our son anymore when I go to night college next semester cuz he said our son worns him out (he's only 2 yrs old). I don't love him anymore and the reason why I still stayed with him is because of our son and I don't like living alone. I tried many time asking him to join with me to church counseling, but he said it's stupid. Also, what's worse he treat me like a queen when it comes to sex - that's really disgusted me and I hate having sex with him because of that. I really want to divorce him, but I'm scared of him taking my son away from me. To me, he's just like a roommate - not husband. I feel better talking to you all here because that's where I feel most comfortable. Hope you can help...

October 28, 1999
11:02 pm
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J. C.
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September 24, 2010
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Yikes! Gigi, you really are in a bad place right now. Once you get your health in order you will find the strength to do the right thing. I'm sure you have already made a decision on what that is. Why do you think he talks to you that way? Do you think he might be insecure? Do you think that is his way to hold onto you? I've been told that an abuser tends to push someone else down to lift himself up. Making you look and feel bad makes him look and feel a little better about himself. It's kind of like he's competing with you without letting you in on his rules to the game. That way you will never know when he's gonna hit (when he needs a dose of self confidence). There are ways to deal with the verbal abuse while you are around. It isn't easy, though. One thing to do is to constantly push him away. Refuse to deal with his insults. When he starts beating the words on you just say, "I'm not going to listen to this." Then walk out of the room. Make sure you walk into another room. Don't look at him. Don't let him see your pain. If/when he follows, just keep going. Go start the dishes, if he comes in the kitchen, say it again. "I'm not listening to this." Then walk out of the room again. Not only does it show him that the abuse will only cause you to walk away from him, but your son will pick up on this. It isn't good for him to be in the atmosphere of verbal abuse. Let me know how you're doing and if you want any more suggestions. I do have a few more.

~JC

October 29, 1999
7:36 am
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hazza
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hi gigi.
JC is SO right, my partner got into bullying me like that big time, I did just as JC said, I would look him dead in the eyes and tell him he was bullying me and it was not going to work and then leave the room.
He still occasionally calls me stupid, and has a temper tamtrum, but I no longer add to it.
I have come to see that it is his mood swings that make him like this, he needs no provocation, I have seen him argue with me all night sometimes even though i have said nothing in return to him except to tell him calmly that i wont stay in the same room as him if he is going to insult me, He will try more and more to get a reation from me and then gives up

October 29, 1999
8:56 am
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lost soul
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Oh GiGi,
I am sorry to hear that.I think both J.C. and hazza's suggestion is great. I feel that he is the one who is so stupic.So stupic to treat his wife like this to drive her away.If he is smart, he will not make you hate him.
I am sorry for getting so emotional.I just can't stand a man bullying a woman like this.Can't stand ! can't stand!
My husband has not verbally abuse me but he user his "coldness""detachment""iirespondsible attitude to abuse me.( which i have done nothing wrong to deserve such treatment)I told him so.I said it is mental torture.
I think that his action has something to do with another woman, but till today, he has not admitted anything.

November 3, 1999
10:10 am
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Anonymous
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gigi?

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