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Can't seem to let go
May 17, 2001
6:05 pm
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solitary
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September 24, 2010
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I have been on this site before...and I have been dealing with the same problem for months. I am about to have a baby and I was with the father for almost 4 years before I got pregnant. Halfway through my pregnancy he dropped the bomb on me that he was seeing someone else. I moved halfway across the country with him at the time. Since then, I have moved back home with my parents. My feelings are very strong for this man...and I can't seem to let go even though every time I talk to him..he gives me more of a reason to stay away. Less than a week after I moved out..he asked the other woman he was seeing to move in our home. She is from the same state that we are. She also has a child by another man. Basically was tees me off is the fact that I have spent almost 4 years of my life loving this man..and he fooled me well into believing that he loved me. And as soon as I get pregnant he leaves me for another woman and a ready-made family. Then he constantly accuses me of getting pregnant on purpose because I was on birth control pills at the time. Whenever we speak..it isn't to find out how I am doing with the pregnancy(which is very high risk), it is to accuse me of screwing up his life and getting pregnant on purpose. But come to find out this other woman that he is with has had over 4 abortions by him. Now they claim that they are going to get married and whatnot. And I feel like he is abandoning a good woman and his own unborn son for the sake of another woman and a child that isn't even his. I may be rambling on..but writing this just makes me depressed because I guess I am still shocked about the turnout of things. Any advice or comments???

May 17, 2001
6:41 pm
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chippy
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As you know this man cannot take the responsibility for his actions. You have a right to be very very angry at him.

Now as for you.......I know there was a voice inside of you telling you that this guy had problems....you did not listen to that voice......it is the voice of rational thought.....it is the voice of protection from harm...if you continue to stifle that voice it will eventually be barely a whisper...

I know the life you want for your baby is not this mixed up and confused.....his/her future life is also important.....so I suggest you get counseling and find what is best for you and your baby.....then figure out the rest.....you and baby first!

May 18, 2001
12:14 am
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malaikau
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Dear Solitary,

What a tremendously painful burden you must feel for both yourself and the child you carry! It's true there is no way to justify the actions of the man you gave 4 years of your life to! Isn't it ironic that he has left you with such a beautiful gift of life? While being a single parent can be extremely difficult, perhaps it is even more difficult to parent with a partner who is not mature enough to behave in a manner that consistently demonstrates love, caring, trust, and respect!

The harder you work for the things you obtain in life, the more blessed you'll find yourself feeling! Congratulations on your new little life! What a beautiful gift from God, courtesy of a man who did not have the intelligence to know a good thing when he had it!!!

Mal

May 18, 2001
6:11 pm
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Gateway
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September 27, 2010
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Dear Solitary,

I understand your feelings for being the better person for him than anyone else, but if he choses to accept abortion as the answer for his irresponsibility, then YOU DON'T NEED HIM!!!

It sounds like your parents are going to be there for you during your pregnancy and what great people they must be! Move forward with your new bundle of joy and never regret leaving Mr. Looser. God has rewarded you with a miracle and he will look out after you thru all of this.

May 19, 2001
12:37 am
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solitary
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I am grateful for all of you all's beautiful comments. I must say this has been the hardest time in my life. I must also say that I don't regret my decision to keep my baby know matter what the situation is with the father. It is correct that I got some early warnings that I chose not too pay attention to. However, this man was extremely good at being a manipulator. He was an extremely good liar. He made it seem as though I was the love of his life and he was 100% happy with me. I know I am a good hearted person.. and I also have a lot of things going for me such as a degree and a good job outlook, great personality, and I am a very beautiful woman. I know I was the best thing that could ever happen to him. He chose to be with a woman who basically is the female version of himself. She is selfish, disrespectful, and doesn't care about anyone except herself. So while my mind is telling me that they deserve each other and the pity... my heart still reaches out for him and wants him to change himself for the better. I do not want to deny my son a father.. however he isn't making an effort to be apart of our son's life. I haven't even had the baby yet and I am going through all of this stress. Every time I talk to him on the phone we end up screaming and yelling and he ends up making me cry because of his insults and accusations. I have been extremely respectful to him throughout this situation even though all of the bullcrap that he has put me through (because that is who I am). However, my life has been extremely difficult in the process. I am still working at 9 months pregnant because I want to have some money in savings while I am off work while taking care of the baby during the first 6-8 weeks of his life. I have done literally everything from financially to emotionally throughout this pregnancy. He hasn't contributed anything but more anger and pain. And to top it all off, I am gonna end up delivering without him because he is trying to protect the other woman's feelings. Do you think it would be wrong of me to not contact him when the baby comes? I feel like I will be going out of my way considering the fact that he acts like he doesn't give a care about the situation.

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