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Can't Seem To Get Over Him
November 29, 2001
8:48 pm
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airica
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Hello all... I have a problem. It may seem simplistic to most. But to me it is really devastating. To summarize...after being in love with a man for 4 years and after having his baby...I can't seem to get over him. We broke up while I was 5 months pregnant because he cheated on me and came clean with it. I just can't believe that he is over me!! A couple months ago he was acting all concerned telling me that he loves me. Now when I see him...which is a rarity because he lives out of state... he acts like he doesn't care about me. I mean, what is it about that other woman?? My self esteem is down to an ultimate low.. To make it so bad, I have a lot of things going for myself...I am only 23 years old.. I am beautiful..I have a degree..I have a career..I have a house...a car..I am really established to be so young with a kid. I am just distraught that this man doesn't realize what he lost. Why does everyone else see this but him?? What does this other woman have to offer him?? Why can't I just get over him?? I don't know why I am so vulnerable for his love. I need help, I just don't know what to do. We have been apart for 8 months and he is on my mind 24/7. To make it so bad.. is I think this man is totally wrong for me because of the way he treated me when I needed him the most. Any advice????

November 29, 2001
9:01 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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yea, turn it around, this guy is a looser, he is in it for the cheap thrills, and when it comes to being a man, he isn't . Get out of the fantasy, get off the pity pot, get out of that coulda woulda shoulda, victim thinking. Your damn lucky, can you imagine this guy as a father?
You were to good for him and he knew it, not only was he with out any integrity, he was with out character, he got it and did you and your child a big favor. Your independent, something he obviously is not, she will get dumped too, and hopefully he will not be a sperm doner to her. We always tend to go with the what is wrong with me thing, which is not a healthy place to be, it is what was wrong with him. count your blessings, love that child, celebrate your independence. I know its sad sometimes realizing that all you dreamed about as a little girl didn't come true, and being a single parent is not easy, but its a hell of alot easier, than dealing with a man who has no character. Change your thinking and change your life. Celebrate.

November 29, 2001
10:20 pm
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suzyblue
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I agree with Molly. After investing 4 years of your life and effort on a man, not to mention having his child makes it hard to get over. You have to change your image of a family and adjust to a different picture. A harder one. One that might be harder for your child. Look at it from a distance. Give yourself advice. You wouldn't tell anyone that a guy who fooled around on you when you were pregnant with his child that he is worth pining over. However, knowing that and being able to stop yourself is a different story. Use the energy you direct towards him to better your life. Happiness is the BEST revenge!

November 30, 2001
9:25 am
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artist 2
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It takes time. Find a routine and stick to it... you will notice a change.

November 30, 2001
9:40 am
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stressed1
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I am a single mother of two children who's father cheated on me. We were married for 3yrs. I envy you that you are as well established as you are. It is a hard rode but it does get easier. One day at a time. But not for one minute should you blame yourself. That is the worst mistake you can make. It is very hard to regain your self respect and confidence once you have done that. Just remember he was not the man you thought him to be and try to get on with your life.

November 30, 2001
12:38 pm
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Ladeska
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I have a little different take on this....something just stuck out to me when reading your post here. You don't really talk like you miss him so much as - you're really stuck on - what does this other woman have that I don't. Interesting.... I think it's that old thing of - women dress for other women coming through here just a bit. Women are highly competitive with other women. And they hate to lose to another woman, especially when a man is involved.

How that man is to them, what his character is and all that - gets really minimized because the real issue becomes - fighting it out with the other woman and basing your self esteem on whether or not "you win" and get him back - thus getting - at her.

Nasty little thought pattern. But, it's what we are taught to do in this society. It's all over the soap operas, all in the sit coms, all over the tabloids, in the movies and on the billboards. WE are woman, hear us roar....but at the same time - hear us get beat to hell because we bought into all this crap about ourselves. We're only "worth" what the image projects up on the big screen and how we are reflected in other people's eyes.

Thus the all important struggle here is centered on - how you look as a woman who got dumped for another woman. Bad blow to the ego, especially if you're carrying his child. So, yes, I guess it is bugging you 24/7, but don't you think you need to rise above this? And have a little more character than this futile, petty little battle scene that nurtures or destroys your ego and self-esteem? You are above that, right? You are intelligent enough to see what you are doing here, right? Isn't pretty to look at, but we're raised to think this way. Time to kick it though. Unless of course, you want to be a victim of this stupid game where you are nothing more than a one dimensional poor excuse for a human being.

You're more than that and you need to act like it and get off of - his level. Enough outa me. Just think about what I said....

December 2, 2001
2:51 pm
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ranmar
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HEY, let me get my two cents worth in here, from a male perspective. Ladeska and Molly know my story, having been married for 15 years, two daughters, and then the ex telling me on New Years Eve day, she doesn't want to be married anymore ( a complete bombshell to me). Then, five months later, I find out about her "just male friend" she was sneaking around with over the last year. I too, was in a terrible position of always trying to figure out why she did this, until, through counseling, and the help of people here, I realized, why am I wasting my energy trying to figure out an irrational person's behavior? Why should I waste the time and energy trying to figure out why she did what she did. WHO CARESSSSSS. She did it, she is losing everything, and I am moving forward. The best revenge is to continue to live your life the way you are, sucessful, challenging and enjoying it. Let them see you happy without them, and able to move forward, while they try to figure out where the Hell they are and where are they going. These people are going nowheres. They end up in a vicious cycle, (the spin cycle), where they just go round and round, doing the same thing over and over. Don't get tangled up in their spin cycle. You'll get dizzy and frustrated trying to figure something, that is not capable of being reasoned with. Move forward, get even, and raise and nurture your baby to the best of your ability. Don't let a loser infect your life and your child's. Just one man's opinion.
Randy

December 3, 2001
12:44 am
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BROWN-SKINNED GIRL
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shift from VICTIM to VICTOR.

SELF-CARE!

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