Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Can't let go of Ex
January 2, 2006
11:29 am
Avatar
LittleSecret
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi guys, I'm new in these parts.
First of all Happy New Year to you all!

OK, so why I'm here is because I have a massive problem with my Ex. We were together for about a year. I have massive issues with being able to accept love, anyway this guy loved me like there was no tomorrow. Life was really confusing and yuck at the time and it all got a bit much. My Nanna, his Nanna, my Poppy, my uncle, and my dog died. I lost my car, I had to move house and we had a miscarriage....all within 3 months.
So I didn't cope very well. Broke up with him, quit my job and found a bad boy to date. Within 2 weeks of us breaking up I wanted him back, but he had started dating the girl who took over my job.
4 months later I was pregnant to the bad boy. They got engaged.
2 months later we started our affair.
The situation now is I am a single mum to the most beautiful. caring, sweet little 3 3/4 boy in the world. They got married and have a 2 year old boy.
He and I are still seeing each other.
They have broken up a few times, but they get back together. He said it was all re-bound with her, he doesn't love her, but doesn't want to lose his son.
I love him and hate him at the same time. In July he went back to his wife and I vowed that was it. Sent a nasty letter etc. I made it until the beginning of December until I rang him. I saw him on New Years Eve and we had sex (during the day).
I am so desperate I would almost do anything to be with him. I wouldn't go and tell her or anything vindictive like that....I just don't know what I have to do.
He told me the other day that he can't live without me. I would like to believe that, but why is he still with her?
He says he loves me, but he wouldn't do this to me if he did, would he?
I go through all of this self-loathing stuff everytime, but I still go back.
What is wrong with me? 🙁

January 2, 2006
11:40 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

This is not a healthy relationship. It will get worse and more painful if you continue along this same path. Be strong and chose to end the cycle rather than have the choice made for you. My advice to you is No Contact. Don't communicate on any level.

January 2, 2006
11:55 am
Avatar
LittleSecret
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi hopefull32,
Thanks for taking the time to read and post.
The thought of never seeing him again makes me feel physically sick. I'm so scared.
After a bit of research I clearly have this whole codependency thing happening. The family history, the present day stuff...it's all there. Heck I've got the insomnia!!! 3:55am at the moment!!! ha ha.
Where do we get the strength from to do this? Let go and not look back...

January 2, 2006
12:26 pm
Avatar
Rasputin
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi LittleSecrect,

Welcome to this site and Happy New Year!

I can see traits of codependency in you. The fact that it is not right to pursue this man who was your Ex and your are unable to control it.

If this man truly loved you, he would have waited, not jump into a new relationship right away and he mentioned that to you when he said "it was all re-bound with her."

There are many books that talk about codependency such as:

- Women who love too much by Robin Norwood.

- Codepedency no more by Melody Beattie.

Both are excellent books that can help you identify with so many stuff you're dealing with presently.

You many also logon: coda.org to find out coda meetings closest to your district. They also have online meetings.

I hope you will feel well soon. I am sorry for all the adversities you've been thru, all in 3 months. My heart goes out to you, honey!

(((Hugs)))

January 2, 2006
1:38 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Lilsec,
When my ex moved on I too felt physically sick at the thought of not seeing her again or the moments she was sharing with her new boyfriend. It is not easy. it just might be the worst pain there is. It has been about 3 weeks and I feel much better. But yeah the hurt is still there. No matter how much advice people give you utlimately you will do what you want. Unfortunately, you may hit rock bottom before you decide to pick yourself up and move on.

January 2, 2006
5:58 pm
Avatar
LittleSecret
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi there!
Thanks guys!

I fell asleep around 5am, my little angel woke me at 8:30...but I actually feel fine. This place makes me feel like I am not the only one anymore. I still feel stupid, but that is something I can deal with. It is great because you have all been there, or are still therre, what better form of support?!

I forgot to mention in my post that I live in Sydney, Australia, and the move that I spoke of earlier took me an hour and a half away from him. If it wern't for that I would have gone crazy. I've enrolled myself in Uni so I can get somewhere in life (Yay!)and I usually only se him a couple of times a year. We do talk on the phone a fair bit though.

I'm sorry if you guys feel toward me because he is married and all, let me say I'm not into married guys, just him!!

Hopefully we can all heal here, get back on track and support each other in the process.
God bless. xoxo

January 2, 2006
8:16 pm
Avatar
LittleSecret
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Don't you just wish there was a "No feelings" switch. Just flick it...no more of this agony, this torture...

January 2, 2006
9:22 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

I'll take two of those switches.

January 4, 2006
7:18 pm
Avatar
LittleSecret
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi,
Just an update.
He rang me the day before yesterday, I told him I had been thinking about him heaps, and he said "Big ditto". (Ditto is that corny thing we do because of the movie Ghost, I know.....:))
So I got all happy again, the he had to go (was at work), then rang me back. He wanted to know when I would be down there next, that sort of thing.
Oh I don't know.
I told him I was feeling frustrated with life, and he asked me if I was feeling depressed again (When we were together I got really drunk and slit my wrist bad, ended up in hospital for a week). This is a big thing for him, he told me he could never go through that again.
I don'y know, I feel like there are barriers between us that could be brought down, I just don't know how. I'm hoping that time will tell, in the meantime I just love him to bits and take what I can get.

When we were on the phone he was telling me what a bad day he was having so yesterday I wrote him a really sweet message to hopefully help him if it happened again, but i didn't get a reply.

I feel like he is so torn, between what he wants (me), and being so scared I will hurt him like I did last time (i used to make him cry all the time- I was so unstable- testing his love all the time). I think he is getting that I have changed though.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
32
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110959
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe, lianot, dagaf, duminy
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information