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can't let go completely
May 21, 2001
12:35 am
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meldee
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September 27, 2010
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My problem, although it may seem insignifiacant, has been preocupying my mind ALL the time and doesn't seem to ever end. The thing is, I broke up with my boyfriend of three years because I wasn't happy and I felt that he was very insensitive towards me. I feel that I have really made progress in making myself happy these passed 5 months and I am truly happier. The only problem is that my ex keeps trying to get back into my life. He tries to be nicer and I know he really misses me a lot. When I'm with him I feel good but by like every couple of days he will do or say something that, although probably isn't a big deal, just gets me soo mad. This has happend continuously for the passed couple of months and I feel like I must be insane or something because I keep "relapsing" and falling for him over and over again and then getting dissapointed. for some reason I can't just cut him out of my life completely. The worst part is that when i do get angry at these things I can't tell if i'm over reacting or not. I feel like there is something seriously wrong with me to not be to ditinguish what wether i should be upset or not. I don't understand why I keep going in circles and the only thing i can think of is that there must be something seriously wrong with me. It's driving me nuts!-----help.

May 21, 2001
10:26 am
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Lydia
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First of all, stop doubting yourself. You are the only one that can judge what makes you happy and what doesn't. You set the standards and boundaries by which you will allow yourself to be treated. Why should you lower those to acoomodate someone's insensitivity towards your feelings?

That inner voice you're hearing is an important one. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't!

A few months of feeling good then being upset every couple of days sounds like an emotional roller coaster ride to me. There is a high price to pay for such rides. I'm sure your boyfriend misses you, perhaps you treated him better than he treated you.

If you're having difficulty cutting him out of your life completely, ask yourself why??? Perhaps a little time completely away from him with no conatact will give you time to clear your head. Insist upon him respecting your wishes, if that is what you choose.

Many years ago, I was involved with a man who wouldn't "allow" me to break off the relationship with him. Deep down, I knew he wasn't the one for me. Sure, we had our good times, but I was constantly hurt by his insensitvity and his rationalization of his behavior. He would lure me in with moments of kindness, only to hurt me later. What a vicious cycle!! To make a long story short, after 4 years of living together, he proposed with promises to bring me ever lasting happiness and I fell for it!! The same antics continued throughout our marriage-constant insensitivity from him and his refusal to acknowledge it-finally I divorced him after 4 years of hell.

That's 8 years of my life....wasted!! I wish I would have listened to my inner voice, telling me I deserved sensitivity. I am worth sensitivity!

Please take some time and really think about it, good luck.

May 21, 2001
1:36 pm
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Molly
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Follow the suggestions of the last post, I too, found my self in some what the same situation. Some guys just know how to work us, some are more co-dependent than us! Disconnect completely from him, and see where your tourmoil is. I should have done that, he has made great strides in being different, and trying to be his word, but the fact of the situation is, we are different people, with different agendas in life, and that is what gets me going. There are so many reasons I am sorry I returned, its ok, but the truth is, its not good enough. Listen to your instincts,and don't be available, don't e-mail, don't take his calls or return messages, your life will flow with stability.

May 21, 2001
3:48 pm
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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I just told my fiance that I wanted to break up with him this weekend. He was devastated and begged for "another chance". We've been living together for 7 years. The last year and a half we we have lived apart because of a new job he took in another state. I quit my job and went there for 3 months. He came home one day and announced that he wanted to move back to our home state. He told me to go first. So I got a found a job and was ready to move back. The night before he begged me not to go. My inner voice screamed at me to go. He has changed his mind several time and has even asked me to come back there until he can get a job in our home state. He has started drinking heavily. (oh by the way, I was married for 20 years to an alcoholic). I have found a renewed strength by living by myself but he still continues to contol me (i.e. if I'm not home by a certain time he's asking me where and who I was with.) When I'm with him I suffer anxiety attacks. I lived like that for 20 years I have really had enough. He said that everything would be fine if he just quit his job, we lived on my salary until he found another job. My voice is screaming again....get out!!
So, I told him this weekend and he's refusing saying that he doesn't accept it and won't let me go. HELP!
His mother has told me that he is quitting his job and coming home this Thursday...thinking he's staying in the house with me. Also, he has controlled all finances (surprise).
Yes I know..I'm codependent. But I'm ready to move on and try to live the rest of my life happy. What a concept!

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