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Can't go of and uavailble man
February 14, 2010
3:37 am
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Dark Phoenix
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The thing is I know that it's not me, the adult,in this relationship, but the inner child that craved her fathers love, attention and approval. Being an alcoholic, he wasn't able to give us what we we needed in the emotional sense, and he could be quite cruel. But he did have a good points. We were not rich by he was good provider and we never wanted for, My mother was a vey timid creature,She had no desire to change that either.

Anyway, I chat online regularly, i really do enjoy it. This man in the chatroom started senging me emails. They were innocent enough, in the begining it's just a bit of fun. He then starts to send me pics which were close-ups of his penis.I wasn't offeneded by the pics - should I've been? Either way I've fallen madly in love with him

I try to let the adult take over and really look this man and his situation. First off he's married so he's unavailable. To be fair to him he told me straight out about being married and that he was not looking for somebody better. He's also an alcoholic.
But,despite having all this info, I STILL went along with him.

I guess I'm pretty screwed.

February 14, 2010
3:54 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Hey, you are alright. If you go along with him, you might be a trouble,horsefly

February 14, 2010
4:30 am
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Dark Phoenix
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Thanks for your reply horsefly.

I know the situation is hopeless, but it helps to talk it out.I can get so blinkered at times.

It's good to get feedback from people who have been through similar, or who can simply look at it more objectively.

Best wishes to you, Horsefly.

February 14, 2010
7:37 am
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sad sack
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Hi,

I can't tell you what you should have felt but I could tell you how I would have felt.

Yes, I would have been EXTREMELY offended if a man sent me a photo of his penis.

This situation is SCREAMING red flags (married, alcoholic, sexually offensive) yet you seem to not be bothered by any of those. Why??

You are wise to connect your desires and present behaviors to past experiences. I truly believe they are all related (in all of us). In your case, I urge to stop contact with this man. He is out there to satisfy his perverted sexual appetite and nothing more (my opinion).

You deserve better. There ARE good men out there. Please don't settle for a man who has nothing to give you.

I would suggest that you get counseling to explore those childhood issues that are driving you to make poor choices. If not, you will only continue to be drawn to these toxic men.

I wish you the best.

sad

February 14, 2010
12:26 pm
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Dark Phoenix
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Thanks for your very honest reply, Sad, I really do appreciate it. It's exactly what I needed to hear. You are spot on that I need to do a lot of healing and get the help I need, and I do know this, but it encourages me all the more to move in that direction to hear it from somebody else.

Thanks again.

February 14, 2010
12:42 pm
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atalose
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Hey Dark welcome,

I agree with sad, you deserve better, this man has nothing but his own ill feelings to offer you. Yes the red flags, married, alcoholic and then the sexually offensive pictures he sent you, all add up to NOTHING.
He has absolutely NOTHING to offer you except his own sickness which seems to play into your own ill thinking.

We all love attention but negative attention is not attractive unless our own self esteem is suffering. I’d suggest you find an al-anon group or an adult children of alcoholics meeting.

You seem to have a general understanding of why you are attracted to un-healthy people - your dad is an alcoholic and was emotionally unavailable, it’s something you are familiar with so becoming attracted to similar is something you need to work on. Al-anon can help you understand what healthy is, so can posting here and talking with others who’ve managed to over come this issue.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

February 14, 2010
5:54 pm
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Dark Phoenix
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Thankyou for your insightful reply, atalose. I think the Al-anon is sounds very promising.

I just really need to be strong and focus on getting well. I need to make that my priority. There are days I can feel so fragile, it scares actually scares me. To think that I am that banjaxed.

But if I keep trying to do the work, i believe some level of healing is possible. I hope so anyway.

Thankyou for your very valuable feedback.

Best wishes
DP

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