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cant go back
February 20, 2001
1:35 pm
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lamia
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Ok i dont know how to start really but here goes. Im 19 years old and a few months back i fell for this guy on our very first meeting 2 or 3 days after tht he asked me out and well it was the most beautiful feeling i had ever felt everything was perfect he seemd great the relationship was great and after the 3rd week i got a call frm him that ended with a sentence like i think its best if we dont go on with this. he said he had other things on his mind and tht he didnt feel like it was fair to me if he couldnt give me all his time. I was like fine u know hes a decent guy and dosnt want to lead me on in any way .... he said we would still be freinds and tht he would call he never did. since hes in the same circle of friends i kept on bumping into him and he was a stranger always. a few months after tht my best friend called me up to tell me tht he was contacting her saying things like how he was attracted to her and how he felt abt her and she would tell me to stop thinking abt him the way i did because he wasnt tht kind of a person tht was tht a month passed by or so and like i would always meet him because of my friends i met him when we practically spent the whole night and the day toghter where all he did was hold me i felt like i was flying again and once again he jus left without anything to say or justify and i hate myself and iv started to hate him because im not a toy and i have feelings and seems like theres so much to say and it hurts so bad because he insists on hurting me by getting toghter with my frinds. i dont want to hate him im jus hoping to reach the point of indifference where i can not feel anything . i loved him and still at times feel tht way but iv become bitter and i can feel tht in me cant go back to my normal self it seems very difficult to go back frm this uncomfy spot. i never even said or complained to him even now i dont know if i should.

February 20, 2001
3:50 pm
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Frustrated
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Lamia

Don't go back in fact cut him off. You seem very intelligent. If you trust him agaim he will most likely keep on. It seems to me that whenever he wants to talk to you he's on the rebound because some other girl hurt his feelings. Be strong, don't stress. It'll be all right.

February 20, 2001
7:27 pm
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Molly
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Don't play his game, he is using you. Hang out and be indifferent. You don't need this stuff.

February 20, 2001
10:45 pm
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Alena
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You don't need to say another thing to him. You need to show him.

Show him you're not available every time he feels like using you and getting his ego lifted.
Show him you have more self-respect for yourself.
Show him you are not the least bit interested in waiting around for him to control the situation between the two of you. Take it into your own hands and slam the door on his lack of respect for you.

Get away from him. You don't love him, you hardly know him. You're totally attracted to him and he keeps flirting with your emotions.

Absolutely ignore him. Do not fall for it again. Unless you want to keep getting hurt.

Move on.....he's just one guy out there, and he's obviously not the one.

February 22, 2001
12:26 pm
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lamia
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hi!
i realllly want to thank you guys fr your replies.

I thought about what you said and yes i know i didnt love him but the idea of him or sumthing along those lines was very tempting. I dont know how to be ok because i feel like my judgement
was bad and that i should have known these little things eat me up inside.

As for him i feel like no excuse is enough for such behavior. I still dont understand why somebody would want to do tht its beyond me ... the so callled wHY'S are always hard to answer.

How do i show him indifference when i feel hate ? thats exactly what i wanna achieve though. I dont wanna haveta look at him and feel, anything.

February 22, 2001
7:08 pm
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Alena
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I believe it affects men more when they are ignored,not hated. They can't stand not having the attention.

You feel hate because you want to get back at him. The best way to get back at him is to show him that you actually couldn't care less about his bad self and his actions or words have no affect on you whatsoever. If you have to see him with your friends, don't be mean just cool. Brush him off and leave him there. I guarantee you that sometime before he falls asleep that night, he will feel lousy. He'll be questioning "what the heck was that all about?"

On the other hand, if he gets another reaction from you, he'll know he can. Even if it's hate or anger, he'll know he still has control.

Tell yourself he's not worth the game.
Someone else is though, just be cool.

February 22, 2001
8:57 pm
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Molly
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I support what Alena said, its almost like they feed on the anger, indifference is the way to get them. They often provoke the anger thing, so they can make up, and like power or control play, like prove that they still have it, or you have it for them, GAMES

February 25, 2001
3:46 pm
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lamia
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I know and my strongest point right now then would be the fact that i never ever showd any signs of that. Just that it can get very stuffy at times. I feel like im suffocating.

February 28, 2001
1:02 am
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NEOSPORIN
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I totally understand what you mean by the suffocating feeling. And I totally understand and feel a lot of compassion for the pain you've been feeling. I think this guy is all about giving himself an ego boost. I was in a very similar relationship and I now call it the 8 day relationship followed by a 3 year breakup. The truth is, girls want to feel beautiful and wanted. The fact that you see him so much makes you wonder if he's there because of you and it makes you hopeful. But people can't love others unless they have some sort of affection for themselves. With the way he's treating you, it doesn't sound like he's emotionally deep enough to be able to really care about you. And the key point in dealing with this is seeing through his insecurities and rising above his bait. My heart goes out to you, it's a very painful process.

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